My FWB of 7 months wants us to be official bf-gf. I am really struggling with the idea. Need input.

My worst acronym ever, the LSNFTE, or Long Soft Next For Temporary Exclusivity, is a reality of life that you need to become comfortable with as a nonmonogamous man.

Stated simply, the LSFNTE is when false Societal Programming finally gets the better of a FB or MLTR (or in rare cases, an OLTR) you’re seeing. Because of this, she gets disappointed with you after a few months or several years of having sex with you, either for not boyfriending her up (in the case of FBs) or not committing to sexual monogamy (in the case of MLTRs).

She then quietly dumps you without drama, and almost immediately monkey-branches to a beta male who will cheerfully chop off his own balls and promise the monogamy you will not give her. As a beta, he’s happy to be getting laid at all, so of course he’ll promise her anything.

The good news is that A) long-term sexual monogamy doesn’t work, and B) betas are extremely boring to women, usually to the point of being irritating to them. So eventually, once the NRE dies down with her new beta boyfriend or husband, she’ll do what women do, and dump/divorce his ass (or in some cases, cheat on him) and swing right back to you to resume your happy sexual relationship. This can take several weeks to several years depending on your frame during the relationship, your nonmonogamous relationship skills, the woman, her age, and the particular scenario.

As I’ve discussed before, my personal return rate for LSFNTEs is 94%. 94% of FBs, MLTRs, and even OLTRs who leave me eventually return. The remaining 6% is mostly represented by women who moved far away or other odd scenarios. This is the same rate that you can expect if you do everything right in terms of managing your nonmonogamous relationships correctly.

TL/DR... douche.

Or, to phrase it another way, STFU

Someone just choked on the Red Pill haha.

Aversion wrote:

Part of this is a result of my childhood and relationship with my parents, and part of it is from two different relationships I've had where the girl went psycho and literally tried to ruin my life

You have the skills for a casual relationship, but, nothing else. You are too broken for it to ever work out. The relationship with your parents is failed, then you actively chose a terrible partner to attach, twice.

Do you see how it was never going to work? Sure, right now, with some distance, it sure looks like this new girl might be a good thing. It's not going to work this time either. The closer you two get, you will actively sabotage the relationship.

Seek therapy. Maybe by the time you are 40 you'll be ready.

pop_pop!_v2.2.1 wrote:

Aversion wrote:

Part of this is a result of my childhood and relationship with my parents, and part of it is from two different relationships I've had where the girl went psycho and literally tried to ruin my life

You have the skills for a casual relationship, but, nothing else. You are too broken for it to ever work out. The relationship with your parents is failed, then you actively chose a terrible partner to attach, twice.

Do you see how it was never going to work? Sure, right now, with some distance, it sure looks like this new girl might be a good thing. It's not going to work this time either. The closer you two get, you will actively sabotage the relationship.

Seek therapy. Maybe by the time you are 40 you'll be ready.

I'm aware of that. I always avoid relationships and run away. Part of that is due to be being very career oriented, but part of that is due to not being able to maintain LTRs. I don't feel comfortable in them and feel trapped. This girl appears to be a good person, but of course I'm very very hesitant and cautious. I got mixed up with effed up women earlier in my life before I understood anything about bonding, attachment theory, emotional development, etc. This girl doesn't fit that mold, but losing my freedom and changing the life that I have makes me very uneasy.

I know I'm not ready for something serious at this time in my life, but I'm still focusing on my career, so that's no big deal. I'm always working on myself and my issues and trying to get a bit better all the time. Just maintaining a FWB relationship for 7 months is a success for me.

0/10 nobody on letsrun gets laid

People who use "focusing on their career" as an excuse at TWENTY NINE are just bad at their job and don't know how to work efficiently. Nobody I know at that age can't have a relationship because they're "focusing on their career." Maybe when they were 22 or 24. Now you're just using it as a crutch because you have emotional problems committing.

I'll bite because I love relationship threads on Letsrun and giving bad advice. It seems like you've been in a half-relationship already without realizing it. Turning that into something more serious with a young woman that doesn't seem to know what she wants and you don't know what you want probably isn't the best idea. Frankly, when it comes to a serious relationship, you need to know who and what you want, and actively create that situation.

With the information that you provided, if I were her, I wouldn't enter a relationship with you because it seems like you will cheat on her and you need some therapy about your past experiences before becoming serious with her or anyone else. Do it sooner rather than later if feel that is necessary.

But seems like a nice little situation you've carved out for yourself there in the college town. Well done.

I also suspect you're the same troll that started "the not sure I should sleep with my roommate", because of the big baller talk, but you aren't as abrasive in your responses as that guy, so maybe not.

My job has me working weekends. It's not a choice. The job requires I work Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays. Since not very many people want to do that, I am compensated for it and make nearly twice as much as many other people my age doing similar (though cushier) work. You don't know what you're talking about.

Aversion wrote:

Inconsistent wrote:

People who use "focusing on their career" as an excuse at TWENTY NINE are just bad at their job and don't know how to work efficiently. Nobody I know at that age can't have a relationship because they're "focusing on their career." Maybe when they were 22 or 24. Now you're just using it as a crutch because you have emotional problems committing.

My job has me working weekends. It's not a choice. The job requires I work Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays. Since not very many people want to do that, I am compensated for it and make nearly twice as much as many other people my age doing similar (though cushier) work. You don't know what you're talking about.

Hmm. Sounds like you're a male exotic dancer that does some extra "work" on the side. That explains all the claimed sexual partners.

FWB ends when one party indicates they want a committed relationship. The I'm fine with what we have if you do not want to commit is a temporary phase that starts with being less available goes to I have something else scheduled, then only when she calls and ends when she no longer calls.

Your friendship sounds public and I'd bet your friend and hers think of you as dating.

29 is the male biological clock. Regardless you're a bit of a shmuck if you are sleeping with multiple women at the same time, so you really shouldn't settle down. Enjoy the herpes and make sure to never procreate.

People who work weekends are generally poor. So you're both financially poor, emotionally poor, and most certainly morally bankrupt given you are sleeping with multiple women at the same time, posting about it on LRC for advice, and also failing to commit to anyone by using your job as an excuse. Very sad.

The Church Lady has spoken! Shame shame shame!

Inconsistent wrote:

People who work weekends are generally poor. So you're both financially poor, emotionally poor, and most certainly morally bankrupt given you are sleeping with multiple women at the same time, posting about it on LRC for advice, and also failing to commit to anyone by using your job as an excuse. Very sad.

Inconsistent wrote:

People who work weekends are generally poor. So you're both financially poor, emotionally poor, and most certainly morally bankrupt. SAD!

Fixed it so it reads like another clueless buffoon familiar to Americans.

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Op, hopefully you are in therapy now. Don't have kids.

haha, you're correct. I wrote that thread on here. Good memory. I swear there are only 5 of us on this site. I was serious in that thread, and I am more serious in this one. I might spin things different ways depending on the particular thread and its subject, but I don't lie at all.

I would not enter a relationship with me either. I always express that to girls early on by telling them I'm not looking for a serious relationship at all, and if we see each other for awhile (say 6 plus dates), I reiterate and open up a bit and explain that I'm not emotionally capable of a serious relationship. Sex with other women is not so much the reason for staying out of relationship but is a way to not get too tied up in any one girl. It's a form of love-avoidance. Jane knows I have problems, but emotions are not rational, and we do have a good time together when we are together.

The thread about BPD girls has popped up again on page 1, and I encourage everyone to read that. I've had multiple encounters with BPD women through unfortunate twists of fate that were not the result of my choosing, and it has definitely fvcked me up on women and getting close to one. After having a female become infatuated with you only to later attempt to ruin your life and career, you tend to shy away from ever going through that again at all costs.

So do you always date 22 year olds or are you so messed up that women your own age want nothing to do with you? I couldn't imagine finding much in common with someone barely out of college when I was 29 (and visa versa, she must have a daddy complex). Do you work with her or are her career prospects fairly limited? If so, she is probably just trying to hang on to you for money / career reasons if you are financially secure or are her supervisor. Tell the truth, are you the shift manager at McDonalds and she is on fries.

He's a musicology PhD and she's a pianist already working on her master's. She's talented, has a flat stomach, immaculate grooming- smooth legs and grabber- and is a healthy perv & a half; she loves Henry Miller, Anais Nin and has a drawer full of sex toys including a couple of strap-ons.

Just because YOU can't converse with let alone sweat with such a woman isn't reason to be such a small-minded ageist doosh.

Alma wrote:

He's a musicology PhD and she's a pianist already working on her master's. She's talented, has a flat stomach, immaculate grooming- smooth legs and grabber- and is a healthy perv & a half; she loves Henry Miller, Anais Nin and has a drawer full of sex toys including a couple of strap-ons.

Just because YOU can't converse with let alone sweat with such a woman isn't reason to be such a small-minded ageist doosh.

I failed to consider all of this.