jimmy chonga wrote:
Married 21 years, 4 kids, parents still living.
1. Spouse
2. Kids
3. Parents
This^ is the right order.
jimmy chonga wrote:
Married 21 years, 4 kids, parents still living.
1. Spouse
2. Kids
3. Parents
This^ is the right order.
orderup wrote:
1. Kids
2. Parents
3. Friends
4. Spouse
Which of the four is most likely to stop loving you because of jealousy or if you made a bad mistake?
Maybe 1 in 10 people are lucky enough to have a spouse at the same level as a good friend.
You think the ratio is really that high? The older I become, the more I think that the answer is Y=0
Flagpole wrote:
jimmy chonga wrote:Married 21 years, 4 kids, parents still living.
1. Spouse
2. Kids
3. Parents
This^ is the right order.
You lost your authority on subjects regarding ranking, Flagpole.
I didn't read the entire thread.
All I know is that in my house if the wife isn't happy there ain't gonna be anyone happy! If mom is happy somehow everything runs way smoother.
So my list.....
1. wife
2. wife
3. kids
4. parents
From what I've seen, the couples that don't put time into each other and focus everything on the kids tend to fall apart more.
Date nights are IMPORTANT. Have to have fun with just you and your spouse without the kids. Otherwise, throughout all the chaos you lose site of what made you fall in love with each other in the first place.
Families are a complicated thing with many moving parts. If you're not married to the right person you're SOL. You can duct tape stuff together for awhile but eventually it's going to fall apart for good.
Now go buy your wives some flowers, fartknockers.
Trump, Hillary, Flagpole wrote:
Flagpole wrote:This^ is the right order.
You lost your authority on subjects regarding ranking, Flagpole.
INCORRECT!
Ya ya yep wrote:
Baconator wrote:Your kids come first, then spouse. Parents are a distant, distant third.
A parents job is to launch their kid forward - there is no reciprocal obligation.
Divorce is guaranteed with this 'kids first' crap. It will also show the kids that they come first over everyone else for the rest of their lives.
When you put you spouse as a priority over the kids, the kids see that and learn from it. They learn that an equal partnership is more supportive to each other as well as showing the kids that they do not run the show. The entire family benefits long term.
If your spouse is not going to be your priority, don't get married and certainly don't have kids. The world does not need an more entitled spoiled kids, who grow up to be narcissistic adults that expect everyone to focus on them.
If people put their spouse as a priority the divorce rate would probably decrease from the 50% rate.
Nope. I foster a strong relationship with my wife for the kids. I would never have gotten married if we didn't plan on kids. There's no point.
That doesn't mean I prioritize their wishes over hers. But we both prioritize their future well being over each other's. For instance, I could have a nicer, larger house than what I own. But because my children are more important than my wife, we have a smaller home in a better schoom district. The kitchen and walk-in closets for her are sacraficed for the kids future well being. That's a mutual decision but each of us consciously decided that their futures are more important than our current comfort.
It's a far leap from saying kids are more important than spouses to claiming that approach spoils them. There are circumstances that would make me abandon my wife. There are none that would make me abandon my child.
1. Spouse
2. Children
3. Parents
You marry each other, not your parents or children. This is why marriages fail, too much focus on children and parents and not enough on one another and the foundation . A huge reason why parents divorce after death of a child . Too much stock in their children and not enough on their marriage. Both important but marriage is first .
I did try to put spouse first but it wasn't good enough. We went on dates/did things together but apparently his friend's came first over his spouse because he eventually left. I guess we should add friends in the category too.
You shouldn't have to choose between spouse, parents, kids, etc.
None of these relationships are mutually antagonistic if they are healthy relationships.
Doesn't always work wrote:
I did try to put spouse first but it wasn't good enough. We went on dates/did things together but apparently his friend's came first over his spouse because he eventually left. I guess we should add friends in the category too.
His friend's what came first?
Apostrophes' Lives Matter wrote:
Doesn't always work wrote:I did try to put spouse first but it wasn't good enough. We went on dates/did things together but apparently his friend's came first over his spouse because he eventually left. I guess we should add friends in the category too.
His friend's what came first?
Whatever. Let me correct it for you "friends" were more important than his spouse. Good enough? Now go pick on your wife instead on an annyonmous board...rolls eye.
Apostrophes' Lives Matter wrote:
Doesn't always work wrote:I did try to put spouse first but it wasn't good enough. We went on dates/did things together but apparently his friend's came first over his spouse because he eventually left. I guess we should add friends in the category too.
His friend's what came first?
That's what your wife said, Trebek!
Baconator wrote:
Ya ya yep wrote:Divorce is guaranteed with this 'kids first' crap. It will also show the kids that they come first over everyone else for the rest of their lives.
When you put you spouse as a priority over the kids, the kids see that and learn from it. They learn that an equal partnership is more supportive to each other as well as showing the kids that they do not run the show. The entire family benefits long term.
If your spouse is not going to be your priority, don't get married and certainly don't have kids. The world does not need an more entitled spoiled kids, who grow up to be narcissistic adults that expect everyone to focus on them.
If people put their spouse as a priority the divorce rate would probably decrease from the 50% rate.
Nope. I foster a strong relationship with my wife for the kids. I would never have gotten married if we didn't plan on kids. There's no point.
That doesn't mean I prioritize their wishes over hers. But we both prioritize their future well being over each other's. For instance, I could have a nicer, larger house than what I own. But because my children are more important than my wife, we have a smaller home in a better schoom district. The kitchen and walk-in closets for her are sacraficed for the kids future well being. That's a mutual decision but each of us consciously decided that their futures are more important than our current comfort.
It's a far leap from saying kids are more important than spouses to claiming that approach spoils them. There are circumstances that would make me abandon my wife. There are none that would make me abandon my child.
By the time you realize how badly you've screwed up by putting your kids before your wife it will be too late, and all you'll have left is regrets. Hopefully your failure will at least serve as cautionary tale to others.
thejeff wrote:
brahmamama wrote:prioritization != "at the expense of"
As you've said yourself, it is not mutually exclusive. But the kids are my (and my wife's) top priority. They don't have to be spoiled brats just because of their importance to me. Likely, that they are more important likely means I will spoil them less than my wife.
I think the thread has devolved into just arguing semantics at this point. You've acknowledged you'd save your kid/s over your wife in the unthinkable situation and that it is natural to have stronger ties to your kids based on biologically innate motivations.
Your family is a team. There are, however, teams within a team.
Against the outside world, I back my family, nearly regardless of the circumstances.
Within my family, I look out for the interests of my nuclear family first. This means that I prioritize my wife and children over the rest of my family. How often is that an issue? Rarely, but tomorrow we are going on a date instead of going to a family dinner, because we had the date (and babysitter!) scheduled first, and I am going out of town the next day... so, it happens.
Within my nuclear family, I prioritize my wife over my children. How does this look? When my children ask if someone can spend the night, my wife and I discuss it beforehand. We usually discuss discipline before it is doled out, even if it is a quick "Spanking?" "Yep." Also, more to the point, my children know that the second worst thing they can reasonably do within our home is to try to pit us against each other: "Mom, can I do (activity)? Dad said it is ok with him if it is ok with you," when I actually said, "Let me talk to your mom, first." (The worst is lying, if you are interested.)
I am curious: can you give me a specific example of how you might prioritize your kids above your spouse? I cannot even imagine what that must look like.
PS- The example of having to choose between my wife's live or my child's life is not an everyday occurrence. It actually hasn't even happened once. However, day in and day out, my children know that their parents are a team, a united front, who sometimes disagree but ultimately function as a single unit.
And there it is. You abuse your kids. It's much easier for a person like you to say you put your kids second when you're using violence against them. Honestly, I hope you get taught a lesson by your wife divorcing you and your kids leaving the home and becoming estranged to you. You consider your kids second class citizens that can be hit. No wonder they're second.
Flagpole wrote:
Trump, Hillary, Flagpole wrote:You lost your authority on subjects regarding ranking, Flagpole.
INCORRECT!
Yes, because you were. Brother.
You think being spanked is abuse?? No wonder there are so many self entitled kids these days. Hope you are proud of the spoiled brats you are raising.
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