Where does a spouse's loyalty reside?

1. God

2. Country

modern times wrote:

thejeff wrote:

Your post is incredibly sad. The correct order:

1. Spouse.

2. Kids.

3. (Distant 3rd) Parents

Spouses come and go. Kids and parents will be with you forever.

They come and go? Maybe because you don't prioritize correctly.

Putting the kids ahead of the spouse is a great way to get rid of a spouse.

Baconator wrote:

Your kids come first, then spouse. Parents are a distant, distant third.

A parents job is to launch their kid forward - there is no reciprocal obligation.

The most important thing you can do for your kids is love your spouse unconditionally. Spouse comes first.

Nike Marketing Team wrote:

After the kids leave the house, does the spouse become number one with loyalty?

This is exactly why you see empty nest divorces. Parents put the children first for 18 years and forget how to love their spouse.

thejeff wrote:

Baconator wrote:

Your kids come first, then spouse. Parents are a distant, distant third.

A parents job is to launch their kid forward - there is no reciprocal obligation.

The most important thing you can do for your kids is love your spouse unconditionally. Spouse comes first.

It's rare to truly love a spouse unconditionally. People do love their kids unconditionally.

And it's not mutually exclusive to love both. A strong marriage is vital for your kids development. So we agree there.

But if you could donate one organ in a life saving operation I'd wager 100% of well adjusted people would give it to their kid.

Either way both are orders of magnitude more important than ones parents or siblings.

In a life or death situation would you give an organ to your spouse or parent?

thejeff wrote:

Nike Marketing Team wrote:

After the kids leave the house, does the spouse become number one with loyalty?

This is exactly why you see empty nest divorces. Parents put the children first for 18 years and forget how to love their spouse.

Kids should always come first. It's really the only reason to get married. To provide a stable household for children. If you aren't willing to put your offspring first in everything, you shouldn't have them.

Baconator wrote:

thejeff wrote:

The most important thing you can do for your kids is love your spouse unconditionally. Spouse comes first.

It's rare to truly love a spouse unconditionally. People do love their kids unconditionally.

And it's not mutually exclusive to love both. A strong marriage is vital for your kids development. So we agree there.

But if you could donate one organ in a life saving operation I'd wager 100% of well adjusted people would give it to their kid.

Either way both are orders of magnitude more important than ones parents or siblings.

Damn right it is rare... but love is a CHOICE. Infatuation "just happens".

I will have to think about your second point. Yes, I probably would give it to my kid, but only because it would be what my wife would want.

Sounds like we agree more than we disagree, truth be told.

gubyenletsrun wrote:

thejeff wrote:

This is exactly why you see empty nest divorces. Parents put the children first for 18 years and forget how to love their spouse.

Kids should always come first. It's really the only reason to get married. To provide a stable household for children. If you aren't willing to put your offspring first in everything, you shouldn't have them.

This is such backwards thinking. It really is. This thinking produces

1. entitled, bratty kids

2. division between husband and wife, and an inability to produce a unified front to the children (and later, the pitting of one parent against another)

3. empty nest syndrome when the kids go off to college

I will say it again: the most important thing you can do for your kids is to show them what a healthy marriage looks like by loving your spouse unconditionally.

Nike Marketing Team wrote:

In a life or death situation would you give an organ to your spouse or parent?

Pardon the interjection: 100% the spouse. Absolutely no question.

And, to turn the tables, if I found out that my kid saved my life and let his spouse die, I would never forgive myself.

order of priority wrote:

1) kids

2) parents

3) spouse

I think you have 2 and 3 backwards. When your mother is more important than your wife--well, you're in trouble, mama's boy. Serious trouble.

Nike Marketing Team wrote:

In a life or death situation would you give an organ to your spouse or parent?

I would not give an organ to my parents.

order of priority wrote:

1) kids

2) parents

3) spouse

came to post this and to add that parents and spouse are an extremely distant 2 and 3.

I am so sad to see the number of people that prioritize their children over their spouse. No wonder we have such a high divorce rate.

OP, I strongly encourage you and your future spouse to get pre-marital counseling and to enter marriage with the same expectation that spouse comes first.

WTFBBQ wrote:

MovieMadnessGuy wrote:

It starts in the early days of dating. Do not give the milk away for free (I do not care which type of milk!) Make her work for it. People move in together at the drop of a hat. What were you expecting? There is no commitment.

Sure it's exciting and all to think of her as a "girlfriend," rather than a wife. But in the long run it's foolish to not lead the way rather than to give in to her emotions. Men need to lead the way!

As someone who JUST recently moved in together, I'm confused. What do you mean by this?

It reads like a Markhov Chain.

good advice wrote:

MovieMadnessGuy wrote:It starts in the early days of dating. Do not give the milk away for free (I do not care which type of milk!) Make her work for it.

Women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I do not avoid women, but I do deny them my essence.

Somehow I get the feeling that women not experiencing your essence has been entirely their choice.

It could be a tough tightrope.

I feel your obligations lye first with your household.

Kids

Spouse

Parents

Actually, the answer is... wrote:

Delaware.

Interesting that you say that as the state is the legal "home" of most Fortune 500 companies.