I think the universe is signaling that it's time for you to:
1) Move back home with Mom and Dad. Win!
2) Become a highly proficient appointment-TV binge watcher. Win!
3) Become an aggressive and progressive masturbator, but do your best work when Mom and Dad are away, because otherwise, gross. Win!
4) One year from now, go back to grad school in a completely different field. You'll be set as a semi-professional student and dependent millennial for at least a couple more years. win!
5) Maybe you're running along the wrong set of tracks if you're struggling to get a job right out of a "top 5" bidness school.
Items 1-4 are meant as a joke, but item 5 isn't. If it were me, I would seriously begin to wonder about whether this is the right place/time/training for me. It shouldn't be so difficult.