This is an official message from His Majesty Lord Tony Bliar of the UK.
*SUBJECTS and foreigners with money arriving in Heathrow today should NOT be ALARMED by the soldiers and light armour deployed in the car park.
Remember, they are there for YOUR protection.
Certain INTELIGENCE has been received reminding us all of the present danger of evil-doing in this neighbourhood by Saddam Hussein.
Please cooperate with the security forces and do NOT go lying in the grass because if you do you might be run over by a tank and squashed as a terrorist from Afghanistan or something.
Also do not attempt to take photographs, offenders will have cameras CONFISCATED.
It is NOT TRUE that a British expeditionary force has been cut to pieces in the Channel Islands by French Bin Laden supporters and anyone heard spreading this rumour will be EXECUTED!
Anyway, it wasn't FAIR because we was OUTNUMBERED by 10,000 to 1 but we've still got PLENTY of men left to defend LONDON.
Finally, hear this. Any one heard bad-mouthing Field Marshal Lord Bliar and his barking wife or any of their criminal friends making money out of this well-planned crisis will be tried and shot as a TRAITOR to this COMMONWEALTH.
Thank you and may God have mercy on you all.*
ENDS ENDS ENDS