think again,
I have lived a fruitless and shitty life, but it isn't because I was on the Dark Side.
I tried to be a nice guy and be positive. I tried to be on the side of sweetness and light. Here's what I got:
-a cocaine using girlfriend who cleaned out my bank account
-an alcoholic cousin who lived with me for a year as I helped him get back on his feet. Instead, he stiffed me on bills and rent, stole my car and credit card to buy beer and cigarettes with, and finally, developed his own cocaine habit.
-a best friend who betrayed me but then called to make up with me. We hung out for awhile then he asked to borrow money from me. He was not too subtle about it either. Guess what. He is strung out on cocaine now.
But things are much better now. My cousin is in jail. That bitch is on the street. And my "friend" is history.
If you are a nice guy, you will attract the wrong people. Now, I don't give a f***. I hope I live long enough to see them all die.
I was depressed over this shit. Everyone told me to "think positive." What horseshit. Instead, I thought negative, and I turned mean. Like the Count of Monte Cristo, I learned that revenge can be a great motivator.
I won't lie to you. I would love to bludgeon these people to death with a baseball bat. But I take all that negative energy and channel it into something positive. I run more. I eat better. I am going back to school in the fall and work towards my master's degree. And nobody--NOBODY--f***s with me anymore. I made that bitch pay back the money she owed me. I told my ex-friend he would get his brains emptied from his skull if he ever showed up at my house ever again. And my cousin is pending trial where I hope he is convicted and ends up serving time with a well hung and horny African-American.
People are shit. You don't owe them a goddamn thing. Since adopting this eat shit and die attitude, my life has improved dramatically. I don't lie on the couch feeling sorry for myself or dwelling on where I went wrong. I know where I went wrong. I was nice to people who don't deserve to live, and I have no one to blame but myself. I was a doormat for parasites.
Keep telling yourself that nice people win while mean people like me lose. The reality is that you want people to be nice, so you can walk all over them. This is nothing more than what Nietzsche calls "slave morality." This is how you try to get over on people like me. Well, I just cut through your bullshit. I don't owe you a goddamn thing either. Go crawl back into your hole and die.
I believe in myself. I don't need anyone else to tell me who the f*** I am. I am someone, and I will succeed or die in the attempt. This scares people. So be it. But you have to have this meanness to make it in a cruel and uncaring world. Once you've been in the darkness, you realize it is nothing at all. You accept the bleakness of reality. Then you overcome it.
My hope is that Goucher will overcome his reality. I overcame mine, and I am stronger for it.
Out.