Quitting drinking

Ok. Throwaway account.

I feel like I might be a problem drinker.

Consistently, since age 15 (I am 22), I have embarrassed myself in social situations where drink was involved.

Age 15/16 = got very drunk at a party, threw up at home (my mother dealt with it), and destroyed a new phone washing my jeans, which had vomit on them. In my drunken state, I'd forgotten they had my phone in my pocket.

Have been drink at almost every party I have gone to.

The worst thing I did drunk, I am too ashamed to say even anonymously. It, somehow, had no lasting effects, and everyone involved are now close friends - but that is their choice. My actions could, and perhaps should, have inspired a different response.

More recently (age 22!! For Christ's sake!!) I came back from a night out with friends. I had not drank for months, which is very common for me. I was visiting my parents. I was WRECKED. I felt sober, coherent. My dad told me, the next day, that he couldn't understand anything I said, and that I'd given him a fright he wouldn't get over for a long time.

Tonight, I was at a social for work. Effortlessly, I hadn't drank for months. There was booze, and everyone else drank a lot (it's that kind of job). I was reserved, to the point others were good-naturedly commenting on it. I ended up challenging my superior to downing a pint, just to match the atmosphere. I threw up in the toilet as a result (the pint legitimately hit me the wrong way), although I feel people believed me when I said I hadn't thrown up, I just headed to the loos because the pint hit me the wrong way, and I wanted to make sure I was OK. I continued to drink, but at that point, it went from being CAREFUL to not knowing how much I had drank at any given point.

Now, I'm not too worried about tonight. Many people in my job drink heavily, and me and my superior get on very well - and he was absent for the latter part of the night anyway. It's not a career job anyway, and I imagine no effect will be had.

HOWEVER, it speaks to what I hoped was false. No matter the circumstances, no matter how long I have abstained from drink (and no matter how easy I have found this), when there is booze, I will drink too much, without any sense of control, and humiliate myself. There are more stories I could tell you.

I have no compulsion to drink, on a regular day. But, if it's a situation where booze is there...

I think I should go teetotal. But my best friends are all hefty drinkers, and I love them. I don't want to lose them. We have been close for years. For full disclosure, I don't have the same openness I once had - I don't think I will make friends like this again. But I know there will be the same pressure to drink - they almost force booze down your throat whenever I see them.

This is the only area of my life I must improve. I've been successful otherwise. What should I do?

Same deal here man. I think the only true solution is to go completely teetoler. Because for some, there is no in-between and moderation in those “drink em up” environments.

The safest and best way is to just not drink ever. The other option is to learn self control, which is difficult because alcohol effects your judgement. You have to set limits before you start drinking and stick to them no matter what. Set a drink limit to three drinks all night. If you set limits before hand and can’t learn to stick to them, then all you can do is quit all drinking.

Haven't read but the last few posts and I just want to say that I celebrated seven years free of drugs and alcohol in October. I'm a big AA guy. It's not for everyone., but I just love it. For me, the clear choice was just to leave mind and mood altering substances behind as I'm just an all-or-nothing kind of guy and I don't think I could change that even if I wanted to (and I don't want to.) Anyway, it was one of the hardest things I've ever done or been through but I cannot imagine who I would be without the experience. I can tell you that life without drugs and alcohol is 10x more exciting than it ever was with it, and today I have infinitely more meaning and purpose in my life than ever before. One day in my life today is richer than my entire last year of drinking put together. Best wishes to anyone who is going through this painful blossoming, and feel free to reply and we can talk if you want to :)

Question for all of you trying to quit. Would you have been completely defensive if your wife had suggested that you track your drinking with an app?

I know my husband drinks too much. In his mind, he is a 'moderate' drinker and at one time he may have been. But now, the 3 beers a night 4-5 x per week are in the 7%+ ABV range. A couple of nights a week, he will split a bottle of wine with me after.

I once brought up that i thought he drank too much and he got really defensive. He then started putting the dead soldiers outside in the recycle bin so he would think i wouldn't notice. He will cut back for a while after i suggest he is going overboard but when we go on vacation, he drinks every day. So his tolerance goes up so when we come home, he drinks more.

What is so crazy is that he's a really successful guy who is still really fit. But i really think he has a problem.

I don't want to nag him and i want him to cut back because he thinks he needs to not because he thinks i'm watching. I want to suggest to "prove to me " that he is only a moderate drinker by using an app and logging his drinks.

Would you guys have flipped out if your wife suggested this?

Just do it dude, whether your wife suggested it or not.

Anyone would be a little defensive.

I used to drink a lot (about the same as you are describing, maybe slightly less). Then I got motivated by several things (running, work, family, and more) and I suddenly realized that all of my drinking interfered with being my best the next day when it came to these things.

My guess is that your husband won’t change unless either he realizes there is a problem or something/someone (you) else forces his hand. If his tolerance is high and he doesn’t notice the negative side effects, then he won’t change unless some bad event occurs to make him realize his problem (like a DUI or something). In this case, his near term health seems fine, but his long term health will suffer. The fact is that he just doesn’t care about the other things in his life as much as he cares about drinking right now.

Is he competitive? Perhaps you could challenge him to not drink at all for one month. Just attempting that could make him realize that he may have had a problem and that he can enjoy life without drinking. If he drinks less temporarily, maybe he’ll curb his drinking long term. Bet him that he can’t do it. He’ll claim that he could easily do it. Hold him to that. (Every month there is some special occasion where you would want to make an exception and drink just a little. No exceptions. It’s just one month of a hopefully long life.)

Thank you. This is actually a good idea. I was going to suggest we both to a "dry january". I suspect he will give some excuse why he doesn't want to. If he does, then i'm going to suggest the app. I don't drink much, it screws with my sleep. But i would do it with him if he were to give it a try.

You are correct in that his short term health is fine and he doesn't seem to be having any negative consequences. But he is not engaged in stuff after he's had a few.

I'm worried about the long term risks.

Spousal suggestion wrote:
I know my husband drinks too much. In his mind, he is a 'moderate' drinker and at one time he may have been. But now, the 3 beers a night 4-5 x per week are in the 7%+ ABV range. A couple of nights a week, he will split a bottle of wine with me after.

4 months without a drop. Not sure what finally clicked, but I seriously have little desire to even get the buzz going. I'm trying to frame it as a period of life that I grew out of. Hopefully can keep this mindset going for awhile. I have Heineken 0.0's after a good run or workout, or if I do go socialize where everybody is drinking.

Swaglord_the_real_one wrote:

4 months without a drop. Not sure what finally clicked, but I seriously have little desire to even get the buzz going. I'm trying to frame it as a period of life that I grew out of. Hopefully can keep this mindset going for awhile. I have Heineken 0.0's after a good run or workout, or if I do go socialize where everybody is drinking.

I will be at 4 months on 5/6. On 1/6, I took my last drink (gin) and decided not to drink again. I just imagined taking that part of my brain out and it's working.

AlkiObserver wrote:

I will be at 4 months on 5/6. On 1/6, I took my last drink (gin) and decided not to drink again. I just imagined taking that part of my brain out and it's working.

Yeah same here. I think in general to stop bad habits, which are really just thought patterns that don’t serve your life anymore... you need to remove the thought patterns/pathways or what triggers them.

Something as straightforward as internalized self-talk like: “this isn’t something I do anymore. When I go out to socialize I drink a Coca-Cola or non-alcoholic beer. The limitation on having a good time is my demeanor and the people around me”

16 years of drinking.

I am about to have another go at stopping. The longest I've gone in the last year was 30 days. The other attempts never made it beyond the 4th day.

Whenever I managed to stop for longer periods I used travelling to stop. I would go away for a few weeks and it's much easier for me to not drink when travelling.

Lockdown is in place now and I can't travel.

But I still want to try now.

Just a question for others. Did/do you have any "ritual" or a way of doing things the night before stopping?

I don't drink more than usual. I drink the same stuff, same amounts. But somehow it often leaves me underwhelmed in the morning, like I should have a good memory of the "last night".

Only managed that once.

I don't know if I am making sense but I hope I am.

Drinking was fun back in college but at this point it's just something to do with my hands when I'm feeling awkward. I almost never drink anymore. Only time I do is when I sip on a drink at a bar (because bars are still pretty fun for me to go to and socialize/people-watch at). Maybe a glass of wine every once in a while with a nice dinner.

With covid, I haven't been going to bars or nice dinners so I've been completely sober. I'm starting to realize that it's just not worth the cancer and health risks....or the hangover!

I drank way too much for decades.

Managed to quit cold-turkey with the help of candy and fizzy water. It worked for me, but made me very fat. I've somewhat solved that decades later, but haven't drunk anything in decades.

Life it much better without booze. There's weed now too, you know.

30 years if drinking and going to try and quit again. Don't drink every night but when I do drink it's until all hours and the booze is gone. Wine, beer, doesn't matter. Starts with 1 and I'm off. Probably drink 3 nights a week but it's starting to really make me anxious the next day which it never did before. Have wife/kids/job and just want to be less anxious and feel better. And it definitely doesn't help my running. Week of a race I won't drink but might drink 4 or 5 nights week post race. Race typically 10 times a year, 1 or 2 marathons.

Anyways wish me luck

AlkiObserver wrote:

Swaglord_the_real_one wrote:

4 months without a drop. Not sure what finally clicked, but I seriously have little desire to even get the buzz going. I'm trying to frame it as a period of life that I grew out of. Hopefully can keep this mindset going for awhile. I have Heineken 0.0's after a good run or workout, or if I do go socialize where everybody is drinking.

I will be at 4 months on 5/6. On 1/6, I took my last drink (gin) and decided not to drink again. I just imagined taking that part of my brain out and it's working.

I hadn't thought about this thread since my last post (which is a good thing). I'm at 5.5 months and zero cravings. Keep going everyone. This is doable. Be stronger than the drink.

AlkiObserver wrote:

AlkiObserver wrote:

I will be at 4 months on 5/6. On 1/6, I took my last drink (gin) and decided not to drink again. I just imagined taking that part of my brain out and it's working.

I hadn't thought about this thread since my last post (which is a good thing). I'm at 5.5 months and zero cravings. Keep going everyone. This is doable. Be stronger than the drink.

6 months.

Well done