God, I feel so naive after reading all of this.
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God, I feel so naive after reading all of this.
And not trying to be a hater, there is redemption but she has to recognize it and not defend it like some of SFH friends told her to do.
I think the age matters here, as well as additional context to the dating history. For example, being single in your 30s it is entirely possible and normal to have 20+ partners (I'm somewhere between 35-40). The more important question is has this person maintained long term, stable relationships?
Most women become a bit less hung up on having sex as they get older. Just got out of a 3 year relationship? Maybe play the field, date casually etc. I much rather date a woman who has some experience, knows what she likes and doesn't, knows her way around the bedroom etc. than someone who is inexperienced or inhibited. All that said, this is to a degree. If she has participated in orgies or weird shit that's probably not girlfriend material for me.
I would be more concerned about the dating history and what you define as being used for over a year than the exact number of inches/feet/stories of dick that have run through her.
I generally don't ask a woman I am dating how many partners she has had, and I have no interest in sharing.
Has life experience wrote:
Yes it does. I've never met a women with a large sexual history that wasn't a complete nutcase.
Sanity doesn't come in the female edition.
You will abstain. The power of Christ compels you.
A girl who really likes a guy, yet lets him completely ignore her when be sees her and then use her as his sex toy, has serious issues. It may be self esteem issues. Nymphomania. Something isn't right upstairs. With her extensive sexual past, it's a good bet he isn't the only one to treat her like this.
This girl is a mess. Be respectful and drop her. If you don't, you're just using her like the others.
"she would go there..."
Tells me something right there.
Good bye
mellow seeds wrote:
What a bunch of dorks.
Someone really thinks 15 is a lot of people by the time you are 30? If you start having sex at 15 that is 1 person a year. You are delusional is you don't think most single people who are moderately attractive and not socially inept don't sleep with way, way more than that.
gapster wrote:
According to various sources I found, median number of partners in a lifetime is 6-8 for men and about 4 for women. I find these numbers very low, but I can't find any sources markedly different.
Look at the statistics - "way, way more than" 15 does not apply to "most" by any age. It's double the median for men and triple the median for women.
One's number has nothing to do with level of attractiveness or social aptitude - it's often a lifestyle choice. You likely have a skewed perspective on what is "average" because people with similar life views and morals tend to hang out with each other. This means your peer group likely all skews well above the average (and likely views this as a positive).
This is all fine, more power to you. But don't degrade or mock those who have a different view on things.
Does a guy's weak morals and contemptuous compulsions matter?
Big Hester wrote:
is this one a little too much on the skanky side?
How much is "too much"? She's definitely on the skanky side. But what are you after? She might have some interesting stories to tell, ideas to share, things to do. She might be manic or depressive, or alternately both, and thus subject to erratic behavioral decisions. Who knows? I once dated a girl who, as it turned out, had slept around a lot. As I got to know her better, turns out that she had been gang-banged as a teenager and had more than her fair share of psychological issues driving her behavior. I didn't continue that relationship, and still kind a little badly about how it ended; (ironically) she wound up wanting more out of me than maybe I did from her. But I digress: Might be interesting and fun to date a few times, but I wouldn't want her to be the mother of my children.
zohan wrote:
Big Hester wrote:Why did you ask? Why did she tell you?
In general, I don't want any amateurs in my bed. What they did in the past - I could not care less. I am unusual in that it doesn't bother me.
If it bothers you, move on. But bang her first....
Would you marry a woman that has been with 100 men? I wouldn't simply because if she's been with that many dudes she's seriously imbalanced.
You don't need to make her parade her sexual history in front of you to determine if she is "compatible" with you or not.
The only thing accomplished by asking your partner, "how many" is needless rooting around in their past.
If you have doubts about your partner's commitment and focus NOW, then the number of people s/he slept with is irrelavant.
I don't know how many people my wife has been with....because I don't care. She is with me now, and there is no doubt in my mind.
Every hookup does not have to be evalauted in the context of, "could we get married". What the fuck is wrong with you?
the real question is.... wrote:
Does a guy's weak morals and contemptuous compulsions matter?
No
jamin wrote:
Doesn't matter to me as long as she doesn't have any STDs. Many guys are afraid they'll be compared to her past sexual partners, but this concern is unreasonable because women don't enjoy sex in the physical sense. They're more concerned with pleasing you than you are with pleasing them. Kinda like how when you encounter a bear in the wild you have to remember that he's more afraid of you than you are of him. Same principle.
This post is an example of why you have so many problems interacting with women.
You take on female sexuality is totally wrong.
Big Hester wrote:
Ted Underhill wrote:The problem wasn't so much that she was someone's booty call, but what was she doing while this was going on? Was she in between relationships? Was she "exclusive" with someone and doing this on the side? I think your bigger issue would be if she was in relationship(s) and banging this guy on the side. If she was not in another committed relationship at the time, for whatever reason, but had needs herself that this guy was satisfying, then no big deal. I would also be concerned if she still works with this guy or is still in touch. You can bet she will not ignore his texts once she starts seeing you. You can also just take this for what it is and have some fun with her as a place holder if you don't think she's relationship material.
Funny you bring up the texting thing. She does still text him. And takes his phone calls.
He's moved away. I asked her if she would meet him if he came in for a visit, and she said sure, "But I wouldn't do anything with him."
She wasn't in a relationship at the time she was his booty call, but she really likes this guy and she willing let him treat her like a street hooker. How can a girl not have any self respect and let someone use her like that?
Regarding the bolded, you clearly have some issues with her having so many sexual partners. Those are your antiquated values. That's not the problem. I can't make that any clearer.
Do not confuse the fact she still is really into a guy that treated her badly as mentioned up-thread with the number of sexual partners or even the sex they had.
And yes, she would sleep with him again. And he'd treat her badly. Again.
man != woman wrote:
the real question is.... wrote:Does a guy's weak morals and contemptuous compulsions matter?
No
Yes.
I would always prefer an experienced female partner. Quite experienced. I think the rest of what I'd have to say is too complicated to go into here and would not be believed anyway. Let's just say you need to know where she's coming from, which is not the same as where she came from.
I will have (protected) sex with attractive, fun women regardless of past, but the ones with low counts tend to be naive and clingy whereas those with high counts tend to be neurotic/low self-esteem. For me, the sweet spot is double-digits (like me), meaning adventurous but not psycho.
P.S. If a girl tells you "N", the real number is 4 x N, for men it's 1/4 x N.
proven tobeclueless once again wrote:
jamin wrote:Doesn't matter to me as long as she doesn't have any STDs. Many guys are afraid they'll be compared to her past sexual partners, but this concern is unreasonable because women don't enjoy sex in the physical sense. They're more concerned with pleasing you than you are with pleasing them. Kinda like how when you encounter a bear in the wild you have to remember that he's more afraid of you than you are of him. Same principle.
This post is an example of why you have so many problems interacting with women.
You take on female sexuality is totally wrong.
I have to believe this post is ironic, to prove the point that the OP is being really judgmental about this girl.
I am a woman, who is not at all like this girl sounds, but I am willing to accept that she did what she wanted whether the OP likes that or not, sounds like he has a lot of trust issues and in general low self esteem himself. I think the only guys really concerned with "how many" are either young, or very immature/have low self esteem, and can't handle that a woman thinks freely, loves sex and could potentially leave him if she wanted to, whenever it suited her, because she has her own ambitions..
here's to hoping wrote:
I am a woman, who is not at all like this girl sounds, but I am willing to accept that she did what she wanted whether the OP likes that or not, sounds like he has a lot of trust issues and in general low self esteem himself. I think the only guys really concerned with "how many" are either young, or very immature/have low self esteem, and can't handle that a woman thinks freely, loves sex and could potentially leave him if she wanted to, whenever it suited her, because she has her own ambitions..
Yes. This is the best case scenario for an emotionally healthy woman. Self directed and empowered to live on her terms. In this situation, both partners are making sacrifices to be in a traditional monogamous relationship where none "needs" the other.