Is there anyway you can tell your friend you think she has an eating disorder without creating drama?

Nope. If she actually has an eating disorder, there will be drama. And if she doesn't have an eating disorder, there will be drama. So just forget about avoiding drama, and do the best thing for your friend.

If she has an eating disorder I'm sure she is aware as it takes over their every thought. It all becomes a downward spiral from here. Every ED runner I knew was a mess mentally and physically. They couldn't hold relationships and always seemed depressed and moody.Their really isn't much you can do. It's up to her to fix things at this point which is very difficult.

Chaseem wrote:

It's up to her to fix things at this point ...

No. Thinking like this is what lets a self-esteem or body image problem slide into a full-blown disorder in the first place. Once there is an actual eating disorder, the person is impaired, and is the least qualified person to be fixing themselves. Over time they are less and less capable. At a minimum a friend needs to speak up, in an extreme case an intervention is needed.

"Hey, you might have an eating disorder. Here's a sammich."

PowerPoint?

I usually blow up such threads, but I am willing to make an exception here.

If you are truly sincere, it will show and you may be able to avoid the drama. It might help if you turned on the water works first (sincerely).

Thing is, if I say anything to her, I know how she will react, first she will pull away from me and won't return any of my calls and text. Then she will get really defensive and acuse me of having an eating disorder. Her parents think she is getting thinner because she is running more, but when I'm at her house she takes her dinner to her room and she doesn't eat it while I'm there, after I leave she probably flushes it. Our coach is a clueless guy who just ignores us and focuse mostly on the boys team, and im watching her just fade away.

Chaseem wrote:

If she has an eating disorder I'm sure she is aware as it takes over their every thought. It all becomes a downward spiral from here. Every ED runner I knew was a mess mentally and physically. They couldn't hold relationships and always seemed depressed and moody.Their really isn't much you can do. It's up to her to fix things at this point which is very difficult.

Yes. But not by telling them they have an eating disorder. You also can't be The Fixer either. A food addiction is very difficult as everyone needs to eat.

If you are serious, then you go to an addiction specialist and get an education about how to do it constructively. Best case is a 1 in 10 chance she at least gets into a therapeutic situation. Most adults it's just one part of many problems. If she is very young, there's better odds.

I had a girl I coached who had anorexia or at least the symptoms. She lost 25lbs in a year and when I talked to her she addressed it but indirectly. Her mom hated me for a year but you have to do what is best. They sought some treatment, like seeing a nutritionist, which didn't really address the issue but I spoke up multiple times. We had a heated email exchange which was tough. I would ask your friend how she is feeling indirectly then get more direct. What are some things you notice about her?

Ljjg wrote:

I had a girl I coached who had anorexia or at least the symptoms. She lost 25lbs in a year and when I talked to her she addressed it but indirectly. Her mom hated me for a year but you have to do what is best. They sought some treatment, like seeing a nutritionist, which didn't really address the issue but I spoke up multiple times. We had a heated email exchange which was tough. I would ask your friend how she is feeling indirectly then get more direct. What are some things you notice about her?

Yeah, nutritionist is exactly wrong. In your story it's clear the Mom is a part of the problem. Hence, nothing a nutritionist can address.

To the OP, be super clear about your role in this situation. You can't fix her. This is why so many reply with 'no.'. Because they know you can't fix her. You can't fix her. You need professional help to even approach her in a supportive way.

Sure! As long as the government interferes in people's private affairs as much as possible, I'm all for it!

the correct advice has been given

your friend needs to stop her behavior

it would be nice to help without the attendant drama

but that ain't gonna happen

fixing your jones to fix is the topic of a different thread

you are not a professional fixer

get her one that is.

There is no way out of the drama...

FYI, answer at the bottom.

I do not know if your parents want to help you get professional psychologist's help in this situation, for you to work through how to handle it but you need it. You can't fix this on your own and you shouldn't try. Hopefully, a parent will help you. This what they are supposed to do. Ideally, you pass the problem onto adults who do what's best for your friend and you get to keep the friendship too. That's the best case for you at your age. I'm sorry if 'at your age' sounds mean, but this is a hard issue to address at any age.

This is about as far as this very serious topic can go on the Internet. Try to find an adult who can help.

Lastly, please never use your real name on the internet. The internet never forgets and there is no privacy on the internet at all. Not the least little bit.

Speak to her frankly and tell her parents. She will probably ignore you and hate you, but it won't be forever. It depends on how much you value your friendship. Are you prepared to do the right thing even if it hurts you in the process? If yes, take my suggestion. If no, stay out of it. What about the other girls on your team? Will they back you up?

I had an anorexic teammate. Sounds like she defn. has a problem. We noticed her dwindle away but really said nothing. We more spoke about it behind her back, it did come from a more concerned place though..but wasn't right either. She was quick to talk about everyone else's weight though and completely disturbed to the point she blamed our whole team for her problem along with her parents. It did start to become a concern to her parents and they did bring her to the doctor. From their she was hospitalized. Sad as 10 years later she is still dealing with it. No one else had a problem and she seemed to be a bad seed amongst the team. I feel bad but I can't relate. Like you're hungry, eat. If you're gaining weight? cut back on the sweets and keep up the running. It's defn. not worth dying or ruining your life over.

Her parents say they are going to try to get her help, I talked to her mom today. When her parents confront her, she'll probably figure I had something to do with it, even though her mom said she wouldn't mention me. They say they were gonna watch to see if she really eats dinner tonight, i'll text her around 10 to see if she will answer my text.

pop_pop! wrote:

Lastly, please never use your real name on the internet. The internet never forgets and there is no privacy on the internet at all. Not the least little bit.

I was worried too. So I googled her. There's one random person on linked in, and then this thread ;) Tried FB too.

So Stacy, good job with the creativity! Parvenah Moyadi used Rate My Professors to make up names for her races and they googled right up. You on the other hand got creative. Well played - a bit of creativity in a serious thread is always appreciated!

That said, I feel for your friend. We had girl in HS (I'm in my 30s now) who was one of our to Varsity runners as a sophomore... her eating disorder destroyed her running and even after being hospitalized, she was never back to her pre-disorder form.

Female triad is a sad thing, and like I say, years later, I still feel bad for having watched her do that to her self. Its hard to help, and I applaud you for trying to do something... I wish I would have said something all those years ago to perhaps lessen the damage.

There's a happy running weight, and then there is a destructive running weight. However, so often en route to the happy weight, a person will get off track and get to the disordered weight.

Stay healthy yourself -and run well!