I'm glad you are protective of your wife and daughter, that should be your #1 priority as a husband and a dad, I am the same. Mom doesn't need to go "nuclear" as much as she probably wants to, and you need to protect everyone from that happening. It took me a long time as a father to understand that the wise ass, off the cuff remarks I made to my sons weren't taken by my daughter in the same loving and joking manner I intended - she got her feelings hurt as my wife educated me. Girls are different, mine is pretty think skinned, but I had to change my parenting some with her. I really don't know how coaches put up with them.
By what I have read I suspect your coach probably isn't very good. Apparently he doesn't relate to the girls very well. But its part of your job as a parent to help your daughter deal with this, not to undermine or try to change the coaching situation. She has a lot of life ahead of her, dealing with college instructors she doesn't like, bosses or co-workers she doesn't like, etc. Instead of coping with it by laughing at his expense or at his perceived lack of knowledge, she needs to learn to work through it and make the best of it - to still improve and excel along the way and with a good attitude.
Trying to fight this battle for her is why myself and others have used the helicopter term. Almost every parent has the best intention when they do this, protecting their child. The problem is most don't realize their child doesn't need this protection, save it for when it really matters like - life safety issues. At this stage in her life she would be best served by learning to make the best out of a bad situation.
I can assure you no one is closer to a top notch high school football program than myself. My kids are at one of the most recognizable football programs in the country, sons played in it and one is still playing in college. Over 200 kids from 9-12 and more coaches than you can imagine. I served years as a booster club officer and president raising huge amounts of funds. Head Coach and some assistants are VERY good friends. I can't imagine EVER asking any of them about training plans or coaching philosophy. We have MANY former college and pro players who bring their kids to our HS Football program. I can assure you every time one has "crossed the line" by interjecting too much, the coach has quickly let them know they can stay or they can go, but he isn't discussing philosophies with them. I've seen some unhappy former All-Pro football players, but I've seen more that sit back, keep quiet, and let their kid work it out with the coach.
Schedules are one thing, training is another. If you are asking about "schedules" in terms of we start at 4pm and will be finished at 5:30, that's completely reasonable. If you are asking about "schedules" wanting to know kind of training or workouts they are doing on any day, patterns of hard vs easy days, workout descriptions the week of a meet, etc - I think you crossed the line.
I can tell you are sincere in both your concern for your daughter, and your criticism of the coach. I would try really hard to bury the hatchet and take the high road. Try to be positive around your daughter when talking about him, don't drop any snide or negative comments when she is around.
Good luck, I hope things get better.