My dear, you are in denial.
You are not being real.
In the very same post you refer to your husband as your soul mate and yet can't ask him for sex because of crushing rejection. He also invokes self-pity and says he doesn't deserve you around.
What you describe it light-years away from being soul mates. You have have one life to live. Don't waste it on a hopeless situation. If you husband loved you deeply enough, he would cater to your sexual needs even if he felt no desire.
Are you sure he is not more in love with the computer screen and his hand? You run, right? How do you know what he is doing when you are out. This is far more a common scenario than many would believe.
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Abused women frequently put up with abuse because they just know their husband will change, and that they can save him. Nearly 100% of the time is it a delusion.
As a last gasp effort, I would suggest getting him to go to a medical doctor. With sexual dysfunction, this should always be the first approach. Always check the physical first. If he has super low testosterone that could kill his desire. But even if he has super low desire, he would meet your needs with some practical frequency and would enjoy being close to you physically, even if not sexually arounsed. This is to be human. Don't go down with a sinking ship and live your one life in a state of unrequited intimacy.
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I have been married for ten years and have 3 kids. My wife and I have sex 3 to 4 times a week (I could go for 10 times a week if she wanted, but I realize I have it pretty good). The first 7 years of our marriage it was probably 2 times a week and the first 2 years she climaxed one every 3 months. Now she climaxes any time she wants and can do so without any genital contact (wish I could do that!).
So, the sexual pattern in my marriage is opposite of most. My wife clearly has some sexual dysfunction early on. As she has matured and become more comfortable with her sexuality and is individuating as a person, her libido has increased to my great happiness.
Things I know that make her want me: 1) I am kind a positive, 2) I am confident and kick ass in all that I do 3) I treat our children lovingly and kick their butts when they get out of line (professional sheep-dog) 4) I am a full player on the family team--we do dishes and other chores together 5) I ask her what she wants during sex and give it.
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Sex is a huge part of marriage and I would not be happy in one without it. If I was in a sexless marriage and had patiently explored solutions to no avail (over a period of years--not weeks or months), I would not stay in the relationship. Some problems can't be solved and fear of guilt shouldn't keep you from seeking a healthy, whole relationship. You have one life to live, be realistic, but make it the one of your dreams. Its not really difficult for a woman to find a man who is sexualy interested in her, just find one who is BOTH sexually interested and in love with you as a person. If either one is missing, you will lack fulfillment.
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