Falling for a single mom! My family is not having it.

Obvious troll.

Plenty of fish in the sea without kids and an ex. Not worth the headache.

Go to your local court house and sit in on a couple of custody hearings if you want to get a flavor for what life could be like walking in to an extended family situation. First thing you need to figure out is whether the situation with the baby daddy is copacetic or whether they are fighting about everything. For what it is worth, the default position is to fight about everything. Then, you need to understand that a 2 year old is going to think of you as daddy no. 2. And you may very well get equally attached. So, before you start spending the night and going on trips with mom and daughter, understand that the closer you get to this little girl, the harder it is going to be on her if you break it off with her mom. Especially if you are around for a few years before things fall apart. To cut to the chase, if you are interested in the mom, you really need to be interested in going the distance in the relationship. If you are still wanting to play the field for a few more years before settling down, you need to move on.

Finally, if you do want to go the distance with the mom, be prepared to get married and have a kid pretty soon. Most women want to have another kid once the first kid hits about 2-3 years old. They miss having a baby and want to have a sibling for the first kid. An age gap of 2-3 years is ideal. If the age gap gets too big, the kids won't play with each other as much and the older one will feel more like a baby sitter than a sibling.

Well they say love is blind but if you're really considering a relationship with a single mom then you may want to question whether you're a low value man or have low self worth. If it's the former, world on yourself and improve. If it's the latter, then see a psychologist.

Ya I wouldn't do it. Unless she was crazy hot and better than you'd regularly get. But then again looks fade, so why would you get a lower quality life for something like looks that don't last?

I don't really believe that there's only one person for everyone. I think there are a lot of people who would make a great partner for everyone. So why would you pick the one that's already going to set you back? Kids are expensive, they take up a bunch of time. You can't live the life that you want to live right now because of them. And they aren't even your kids. It's not politically correct to be saying this, or a popular thing to be talking about, but it's true. You're still young at 25, there are tons of people out there who do not have kids. You have several years to find the right person. You have so much life left to live before you have to start your life and even have kids of your own. I'd keep your search up and not settle down with this person. And as someone else said, there's probably a reason she's not with whoever she had the kids with. You'll have a smoother and better life with someone else.

LRC actually has some great takes today on this thread. This is one of the best.

Kids are surprisingly unexpensive for cheap parents. But you don't want to be a cheap parent. You know, the ones who get the Dollar Store Christmas presents type of deal. The ones who get the cheap food such as "tv dinners" and low quality brand name stuff. Feel sorry for the kids as we are a product of our environment.

krispy kremlin._._._._. wrote:

Flagpole wrote:

Tell your parents, and especially your Dad to f*ck off.

Why is Flagpole so consistently on the wrong side of things?

I never am on the wrong side of things, and I am not here.

A parent should keep their trap shut about who their 25 year old wants to comingle with. Not their call. Not someone that the parents have to live with. That Dad is completely out of line.

joed|rt wrote:

Flagpole wrote:

Tell your parents, and especially your Dad to f*ck off.

That is some terrible advice from someone who is supposed to be a financial guru.

1) I AM a financial guru. There's no "supposed to be" about it.

2) So, you are clearly suggesting this 25-year-old man should date whoever his Daddy thinks is ok in hopes of getting some inheritance one day? Man...only a LOSER would do that. Integrity trumps potential money any day. It's the son's life, not his a$$hole father's life.

3) OP, tell your Dad to f*ck off.

bruhhhhhhh wrote:

I have a great connection w/ a gal I’ve been seeing for a few months(7). We’re both 25. She’s a single mom of 2, independent, and co-parents happily w/ her ex.

I wasn’t bothered by the single mom status but my family is giving me a big pushback & has not talked to me since I told them about her. They’re extremely conservative & basically gave me an ultimatum. Dads big speech went along the lines of “you’re dishonoring the family, there are many women w/ no kids, keep search, etc.”

I love my family but I also really like this girl. I think they’d really like her if they gave her a chance. What would you do if you’re in my shoes?

Honestly, the only problem I have with ANY of this is that you used the word "gal" (only do that if you sing that word in a barbershop quartet) and you called her a "girl".

Your family is a piece of work, and they are dead wrong to give you an ultimatum like that. I would be asking them all, "Who the f*ck do you think you are telling me who I can and can not date?"

joed|rt wrote:

Flagpole wrote:

Tell your parents, and especially your Dad to f*ck off.

That is some terrible advice from someone who is supposed to be a financial guru.

I read your other post about your financial theory here. What a load.

I know a woman who married a guy, and they were married for 9 years. She then got pregnant, and when she was 9 months along, he told her he was gay and needed to divorce. Not her fault at all. Not even necessarily his fault. He hadn't come to terms with it just yet. Would have been nice if he had. They got divorced. They still are friendly. She got remarried and had another kid with the new husband. No issues at all.

You never know why someone is a single parent. Some of them are great people who got dealt a bad hand. This is why you date them...you find out if they are good, nice, and responsible people before you get married.

If you live with her, it's not long until you're legally married.

Then her kids are your kids.

If you split, which is probable, even if another man is paying child support, you will be, too.

Your parents are trying to control you, which must be irritating - but they could be right.

Your dad's an assho!e, but that doesn't mean he's wrong.

mr38 wrote:

Your dad's an assho!e, but that doesn't mean he's wrong.

Yeah he’s like a Donald Trump

I have to agree with your Dad on this one. You can make a lot of mistakes in life but you can’t afford to pick the wrong spouse. No way in hell would I raise someone else’s kids. Maybe if the father was dead then I might consider it.

Does she still let you see your son?

You're 25? Your parents are 100% right. Break it off with her and find someone who is at your stage of life. She should as well. I married a single Mom of one, but I was a single Dad of two and we were both in our late 30's. Similar stage of life.

1) F*ck your stupid family. You must disown them.

2) Even through your family is stupid in general, they happen to be right about this one thing.