I’m a stay at home dad AMA. It’s easier than women say.

This AMA isn’t really going as intended bc you already provide an answer that isn’t asked, saying it’s easier than women say. So you’ve already tainted it in a troll-like, misogynist way. There are also a lot of men who acknowledge child rearing is difficult, whether they stay at home or not, outside of this thread.

Some people find things easy; others find them hard. Both for a variety of reasons, including being good at something, not giving it the full effort required or if someone really wants to do it. This is true of just about everything, including parenthood.

Among those who want to be parents, overall I think it's easier than many people (generally moms/women) make it out to be and harder than those that don't do it (generally dads/men) think it is.

Lots of vitriol on this thread, but I think that this analysis is actually really spot on. And I say that as someone (the man, in a traditional heterosexual marriage, in this case) who's done both: I spent ca. 5 years working out of the house as an attorney, and the last 2 years, and counting, as the full-time stay-at-home parent. (Yes, the parent who does the shopping and the laundry and the pediatrician appointments and the buying new kids clothes and the cleaning up the house and the driving to dance practice (when this happened outside the home) and a lot of other emotional labor that I'll very readily admit typically accrues to the mom without anyone fully realizing it. Oh, plus homeschooling two kids for the end of last school year, plus for the foreseeable future. Two kids, K and 3rd grade.)

The anger is curious. I had said cement work is not as hard as men say it is would there be as much objection. I only said women because they are the majority just like men are the majority of cement workers.

fulltimepapa wrote:

The anger is curious. I had said cement work is not as hard as men say it is would there be as much objection. I only said women because they are the majority just like men are the majority of cement workers.

I think the problem with your thread is it's a generalization about how easy it is to be a stay at home parent based on your personal experience.

If you asked me, I'd say engineering is easy. If you asked my friend who dropped out of engineering, he'd say it's impossible. So, we can't really extrapolate the difficulty of a task based on a single sample.

You stating "it's easier than women say" is a false conclusion.

It’s not false in my experience. Since I am no statistical outlier by any means then there are probably many more like me. Just the same as your statement about engineering. There are probably many more like you and your statement should not enrage anyone.

For my wife, the hardest part was feeling isolated- not interacting with other adults and when they were very young and didn't speak she had no one to talk to until I came home from work. Once we moved it became more enjoyable for her. You stated you don't mind not interacting with others so that helps.

Like any other job it's perspective. Glad you enjoy it

fulltimepapa wrote:

It’s not false in my experience. Since I am no statistical outlier by any means then there are probably many more like me. Just the same as your statement about engineering. There are probably many more like you and your statement should not enrage anyone.

It just depends on your audience. If I went into a high school calculus class and told all the kids it was easy, I'd probably get some pissed off students.

I assume you're a runner since you're on this message board. Have you ever had a teammate that was more talented than you? Did he kick your ass in races and then tell you how easy it is? Would that have bothered you if he did?

Would not have bothered me one bit. Which is why I don’t understand why it bothers other people so much. I was no world beater but was an all American. Peaceful warrior mindset I guess.

For other poster. People who can’t be happy in isolation have no sense of self worth in my experience. If she found worth in being a stay at home mother she probably would not mind the isolation. I think women have a much harder time with this in general.

fulltimepapa wrote:

Would not have bothered me one bit. Which is why I don’t understand why it bothers other people so much. I was no world beater but was an all American. Peaceful warrior mindset I guess.

For other poster. People who can’t be happy in isolation have no sense of self worth in my experience. If she found worth in being a stay at home mother she probably would not mind the isolation. I think women have a much harder time with this in general.

Now you're being ridiculous. Human beings are social animals. Studies show that isolation is worse than smoking, lack of physical activity, a poor diet and obesity for overall physical and mental health.

As for my wife she found worth being a stay home mom until the kids went to school. Like most normal people she wanted to interact with other people, especially other adults.

Not ridiculous. There are ways to have social interaction. But to have it be such a big issue shows something is lacking. I think women are just more externally validated vs men. Being “alone” means no validation.

fulltimepapa wrote:

Would not have bothered me one bit. Which is why I don’t understand why it bothers other people so much. I was no world beater but was an all American. Peaceful warrior mindset I guess.

For other poster. People who can’t be happy in isolation have no sense of self worth in my experience. If she found worth in being a stay at home mother she probably would not mind the isolation. I think women have a much harder time with this in general.

I alternate SAH days with my wife and find some things easy and some things hard. I admire my wife for the things she does for and with our children with great consideration and purposefulness and care, and I tell her so. She appreciates, and has confessed to being a little jealous of, the goofball fun I have with the kiddos. (Yes, this seems like a pretty standard break-down of parental roles.) Each of us has pressure points that expose particular weaknesses in our parenting approaches and overall personalities, but at the end of each day we hope to have done the best job for our children that we could have with the emotional and material resources we have. My strong hunch is that this is how it is for many parents.

Additionally, neither she, nor other moms I know, "complain" needlessly about SAH days, or make nearly the show if its difficulty as you have made of its easiness. I don't know about the SAH moms you know, but my suspicion is that they don't actually voice their complaints to you with the volume that you imply. The few SAH moms I know--because I live in a social circle in which coupled people wish to live fully realized lives, with responsibilities in the home and opportunities beyond it--would much rather talk about their painting, running, non-profit work, or ANYTHING, than complain about their kids. So in my experience, which I will now generalize to the entire population, women don't actually think being a SAH parent is hard, which renders your entire premise moot.

In truth, I really wish we ended this thread before it got this far. You're sanctimonious and boring, and your need for attention of any sort is desperate and pathetic, and likely reveals a craving for validation of your self-worth that comes from a sense of isolation. Oh, wait--it's only women who need that, right? You're just soliciting input from strangers online because you're so awesome.

fulltimepapa wrote:

Was a coach for years but stepped out a couple years back to be a full time stay at home dad. I do not understand why all these women complain about it. Get up early get my run in. Wife goes to work I watch the kids. Laundry, cleaning, and dinner on the table when she comes home. Then gym(before covid).

As a father that did the stay at home thing for awhile (and currently still is due to COVID but this isn't a choice like it was before), I agree and disagree. I don't think it is as hard as it is portrayed, however I think there are some factors that aren't being considered. I've only read the first page so if you say something in the latter ones, I may already be wrong. But you said that your wife is appreciative of you being a stay at home parent. I don't think this is something that women often receive because society expects them to be the ones to stay at home with the kids. So often women aren't getting thanks and stuff for staying at home, which would get old after awhile.

Also, women are judged more harshly by those standards. One of the times I took my kids grocery shopping, which I typically try to avoid because they just make it take so much longer by virtue of being 5 and 2 at the time, I was threatening to put the cool car cart back and stick them in a regular one if they didn't stop leaning most of the way out. I wasn't angry, but firm in my resolve. A woman employee came and asked if I needed help. I didn't, but I guarantee the employee wouldn't have batted an eye if it was my wife.

So on paper it isn't so bad, but I think the treatment is what really gets to them. If your wife wasn't appreciative of what you were doing, I'm sure you would feel a lot differently about things. Which isn't a criticism of you, but a likely reality. But kudos to doing the stay at home dad thing and going the cooking and cleaning. I did too, but I just got tired of being around my kids all the time. I love them to pieces, but I need some separation to miss them a bit.

Wasn’t soliciting input. It was an AMA of which many of you seem to miss the point. You all seem to be forcing viewpoints vs asking questions. Interesting that this topic would trigger some people. Did not see this coming.

I think again you are touching on external and internal validation. How a father might handle an issue vs a mother. Feeling judged or not caring. Would definitely think it is perceived differently in public.

fulltimepapa wrote:

Wasn’t soliciting input. It was an AMA of which many of you seem to miss the point. You all seem to be forcing viewpoints vs asking questions. Interesting that this topic would trigger some people. Did not see this coming.

How low is your emotional intelligence if you didn't see this coming? Your thread title essentially calls out most stay-at-home moms for being whiny exaggerators. How could you not anticipate angry responses?

I mean. It proves the point you perceived me to make I guess. So I want to take credit but can’t.

fulltimepapa wrote:

Wasn’t soliciting input. It was an AMA of which many of you seem to miss the point. You all seem to be forcing viewpoints vs asking questions. Interesting that this topic would trigger some people. Did not see this coming.

"Did not see this coming?" From the guy who wrote--for no reason--that SAH parenting is not as hard as women think it is? Why didn't you just title your dumb thread, "I'm a SAH dad and I love it--AMA." You might have gotten people curious about your strategies. Instead, you impute a complaining attitude and basic ineptitude to women in general and then extrapolate from your privileged experience to the population at large. Clearly, time with your kids has not served your basic sense of communication with other adults.

Now go play with your three kids, you clown. I don't know why I bother, except that your attitude is so punchable.

I have a couple of questions.

1. Were you Division 1 All American?

2. What event?