Ladies and Germs, Tiger Woods is DONE

marijuologist wrote:

Don't get me wrong, cheating on your wife is definitely evidence of a major character deficit, but the the fact that he married a model so far beneath him in terms of ability ans value should have been seen as fairly compelling evidence that he is basically a playboy who probably married to engineer his image and that his selection criteria was T & A rather than admiration. Yet, in an age when most average guys make ugly messes of their sex lives, people expect living gods like Tiger Woods to remain faithful, and by "expect" I mean they not only anticipate fidelity, but actually demand it as a condition for giving him respect as an athlete. All of society is insane, honestly.

Tiger should follow Derek Jeter's example. DON'T GET MARRIED.

you guys HAVE to check the picture out!

So it turns out, by hook or by crook... THE STITCH-UP TEAM WAS RIGHT!

Actually, it's not that shocking really - cutting the bullshit, erring on the side of pessimism and taking the non-politically correct viewpoint to most garbage that goes on in the world turns out to be right 99% of the time, so our market analysts have told us...

A few days ago, we "reported" here that Eldrick "Tiger" Woods was a lyin', cheatin' douche of a guy and that the real reason he crashed his SUV at 2.30am in the morning was because his normally princess-like wife got wind he was "parking" his "Bently" in a different "garage", and chased him down the driveway with a 64 degree flop wedge.

And it's all true - save for the fact that it now appears that Eldrick has actually been accessing many different "parking facilities..."

Offering a "profound apology", the supposedly squeaky-clean family man admitted he had "not been true to my values and the behaviour my family deserves".

Insisting that those transgressions were a private matter and "felt by us alone", Woods, the world's first billionaire sportsman, promised to "strive to be a better person, and the husband and father that my family deserves".

Woods, who is married to a former Swedish model and has two young children , had faced growing speculation over his private life after a US gossip magazine claimed he had been having an affair with Rachel Uchitel, a New York nighclub hostess.

Miss Uchitel denied the claims but two rival magazines have since named two more women, a Los Angeles cocktail waitress and a Las Vegas nightclub promoter.

Jaimee Grubbs, the waitress, told Us Weekly she was 21 when she was approached by Woods at a Las Vegas nightclub in April 2007.

She claimed they had had a "clandestine on-off affair" ever since and - most embarrassingly for Woods - had hundreds of text and voicemail messages to prove it.

In a voice message published on the magazine's website today, a man identifying himself as "Tiger" pleaded with her to take her name off her voicemail greeting as "my wife went through my phone and may be calling you".

He said: "I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all my heart...I am dealing with my behaviour and personal failings behind closed doors with my family."

First of all Tiger, spare us the f***ing "regret my transgressions" bullshit a) we know you didn't write it yourself and b) the only reason you regret it it because your arse got busted. You didn't regret busting in nut in grubby Jamie Grubbs one bit.

Secondly, "strive to be a better person, and the husband and father that my family deserves" - dude it's not long iron practice where you "strive" to be able to hit that power fade three iron into tight pin positions. Don't be so f***ing presumptuous and think that the public "apology" that your IMG boys wrote for you will automatically cut it. I for one hope that Elin Woods stays true to the high moral standards most Scandinavian families have, cuts your fortune in half and gets the f*** of there. I mean why would you care? You quite obviously don't love her the way you should pal and didn't care about what she was up to as you were doing the "Tiger fist pump" with these rude damsels.

Thirdly, you might be the greatest golfer that has ever lived, but you're a bit f***ing simple aren't you? Did you REALLY think that all those phone calls and text messages you sent to D-grade television celeb and cocktail waitress who earns twenty bucks and hour were never going to eventually see the light of day to be "sold" for the right price? It never ceases to amaze me how dumb you f***ers are! In a world in which the number of shits we take daily is probably being monitored by the US Government, did you REALLY think a detailed record of your infidelity (including calling some bimbo on the night you wife chased you down the driveway with a golf club to ask her to delete her name off her voicemail) would just disappear into thin air?

The bottom line is this. Sure, it's your private life and you don't have to answer to Simon Stitch-up, Asif from McDonalds, Sue from Plumbing World - no one. But this is a website about stitch-ups and stitching oneself up and you have most certainly stitched yourself up a beauty.

For as staff writer Mr 50-50 pointed out so poigniantly this morning if you choose to take the path of the squeaky-clean, outrageously disciplined perfectionist who appears to hold himself and those around him to a high moral ground, you have to play by your own rules and just not do unecessary shit like this. Many of us can only dream about marrying ex-models from Sweden - you of all people should be counting your blessings my friend.

By the way Eldrick, Mickelson might not be as good as you, rich as you, have a hotter (ex)wife than you, nor be adored by suck-off golf fans all over the world like you - but he sure is f*** is a better man than you. So stick that up your Buick pal.

Stitch-up of a guy.

How do you figure mantits Phil is a better man than Tiger?

I can only imagine the judgemental looks Tiger will get from his competitors hence forward. what a tool.

Go Phil!

well, I would say that since at the end of the day sports is just sports coupled with the fact that he hasn't f***ed around on his wife is a good start

The most surprising part of this whole blunder is the huge lack of descretion. To the point where you wonder if he really cared about getting caught? Voice messages, texting, desperation emails, hiding a long-term relationship - he was either in a constant state of fear or he really didn't give a crap, which most of us would find hard to believe, with so much at stake.

Again, the sheer stupidity of his actions, over such a long period of time - Is this what we would expect of a Stanford grad, and if he was exposed 2 weeks earlier, would he still have been honoured at the Stanford football game?

He drags his wife around to golf tournaments and events where he represents major brands and even to Stanford last week - holy f***** humiliating for his wife!

If Kobe pulled through Tiger will easily pull through. Obviously Tiger's wife is a crazy female version of chris brown anyway.

nokaman wrote:

Tiger should follow Derek Jeter's example. DON'T GET MARRIED.

But Tiger is straight.

masterful wrote:

If Kobe pulled through Tiger will easily pull through. Obviously Tiger's wife is a crazy female version of chris brown anyway.

Cheatin' is Cheatin' in my book, but one night in a hotel room is different than a two and a half year affair during a five year marriage.

I thought that this was pretty funny: "

kudzurunner wrote:

...He seemed to have married well, and to have been happy in that marriage. (She wasn't a feminist/intellectual, like Jay Leno's wife, but it still seemed like a good marriage.)

...all while his pregnant wife was languishing at home.

"

So all men who marry feminist/intellectual women married poorly and are destined to be unhappy?

And all pregnant women "languish" at home?

Good, funny stuff kudzu.

Aside from those asinine comments I mostly agree. The captivating thing about this train wreck (unlike Kobe) is the sheer magnitude of the deception and stupidity of a guy who wanted us to think that he had it all figured out.

Now instead of a guy who has it all together he is no different than his stable of bimbos who seem to endlessly crawl out of the woodwork.

This is probably closer to where the truth lies; we tried to make Tiger into this intelligent, committed, just athlete and human being when all the while he was just a bimbo in corporate clothing. It must have been a terrible lie he was living with all these years; building a public persona that couldn't have been further from the reality. Hooking up with the hussies must have been his way of "keeping it real."

I actually feel very sorry for him in that regard.

On another note, he should not try to salvage the marriage - it is long, long gone.

NObama........................ wrote:

masterful wrote:

If Kobe pulled through Tiger will easily pull through. Obviously Tiger's wife is a crazy female version of chris brown anyway.

Cheatin' is Cheatin' in my book, but one night in a hotel room is different than a two and a half year affair during a five year marriage.

Let's be honest though I'm sure it wasn't just one time with Kobe, and I'm sure he's still at it, as are 95 Percent of all celebreties.

To give a little more perspective on how prominent promiscuity is, the site ashleymadison.com cater's to marriafe affairs, and there are 4 million active users. If there's that many people willing to be that open w/ their cheating, think how many people that aren't using the site are cheating.

Combine that with the big ego of being a celebrity and... well yeah. It's safe to assume pretty much no celebrity or politician is clean. I'm sure Obama and Bush have had their Clinton under the desk moments they just did a better job at hiding it.

seriousquestion wrote:

So why should we care about ANYTHING in his life other than his golf?

You shouldn't, genius. That's the point.

Hmm, where to begin.

Besides the fact that Tiger is a complete loser now, is the fact that he really is into trashy women. Did he graduate from Euro trash to American sleaze?

While he was the one screwing around I cant help but be disgusted with the people around him who kept this hidden for so long..not from us but from his wife and family. They are just as guilty of giving him this feeling of being untouchable.

And lastly I have lost all respect for sports media who MUST have known that he was screwing around and again decided to hold off on revealing this for their own reasons.

The whole thing stinks, and if there is any justice in all this its that Woods will stop being the arrogant prick he has always been. At least till it all blows over and he goes on Oprah to sob to the nation.

He should just buy that girl a ring, works everytime.

how do you know if phil has cheated on his wife or not?

if he hasn't, it's probably only because his tits are bigger than any woman he would want to get with and so he couldn't get any play...

marijuologist wrote:

aastra wrote:

"Do people really think that one of the greatest athletes in the world ...."

Thanks for playing. Try again.

Golf is a sport and golfers are athletes. What Tiger does requires a literally superhuman degree of kinesthetic intelligence and a person with the same genetic gifts also has the potential to excel in sports other than golf. He is a great athlete, better than any active runner or track athlete save for Usain Bolt.

Golf is not a sport. Nor are golfers athletes. An athlete can be a golfer a la el Tigre, but it is not a requirement to reach the upper echelons.

2 words: John Daly. Chain smoking, drunk-ass bastard can still be world class. It would not happen in any "sport" requiring athleticism. Tiger is athletic for a golfer, but Mr. Phil "man-boobs" Mickleson is NOT. If you can have man-titties and be #2 in the world, the activity you are pursuing is NOT a sport. To borrow and modify baseball player John Kruk's quote: "I am not an athlete. I am a golfer."

Why don't you write Gillette and Nike and all of his other sponsors who have said they're standing by him? They will probably be swayed by your argument that Tiger is the antichrist.

Or why don't you save yourself the time. If you want to get on your high horse, just look around your office or through your own phone contacts, or in your own family. No doubt there are people close to you who have done the same as Tiger or worse. That does not make what he has done right, but you're leading a pretty sheltered life if you don't know people who are doing just the same.

Flagpole wrote:

I'm not one to respect people who have affairs...

And why exactly would you concern yourself with what other people are doing with their genitals?

jointheclub wrote:

... He's wrong to cheat...

Really? How is it your concern?