Have you ever had a big crush on a woman only to have her ruin herself when you got to know her?

Why are you dating co-workers? You sound like a pretentious, shallow, judgmental pr!ck.

I had a friend who was super friendly and funny (extrovert personality type), was super athletic and fairly good looking when he didn't have a girlfriend. Then once he would get a girlfriend, he would do nothing, gain 50 lbs, and never hang out. Then his girlfriend would dump him. He would be super depressed, but eventually pull himself together. Go out, get active and be fun again. Snag another girlfriend, and the cycle would repeat.

For him, it all went back to this mommy abandonment issues since his mom had left the family for another woman when my friend was in Jr. High. He couldn't help but replay the "abandoned by woman" drama over and over.

The whole reason I tell this story is to demonstrate that many people have deep seated emotional/relationship issues that go back to their childhood relationships. They can be wonderful and likeable people, they can put on a great façade, but under the exterior they are broken and dysfunctional. That is not to say that you can't have deep sympathy for them, but they simply are aren't relationship material, and you can't do anything to fix them. Don't be a fool. Until this woman you are dating knows how to handle her life, you are just ruining your own life by being preoccupied with her.

Disappointment wrote:

So sad. But why do I still like her?

Sex. But you'd be better off with a woman who suits you much better.

Usually happens to me whenever a guy opens his stupid trap.

A lot of really attractive people have personality disorders or at least that's how I cope.

while some of the things you said are true, I hardly doubt you have enough information from the op's post to make an assumption like that.. even if you did know her you shouldn't be making an assumption like that. I think you yourself are just projecting for some reason.

Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover wrote:

A lot of really attractive people have personality disorders or at least that's how I cope.

What does this even mean? Explain yourself.

Disappointment wrote:

Had a big crush on a woman at work for months. At work she is beautiful and competent.We went out. Turns out shes a drunk, a pothead, financially irresponsible, and a massive underachiever. Although superficially a devoted mother, in my view these flaws actually make her an irresponsible parent. So sad. But why do I still like her?

I've heard of beer goggles but really? Work goggles?

sounds like somebody could write a country song about this.

All. The. Time.

Over the years I have had several crushes on the hot moms at my kids elementary school. In several cases I have gotten to know the women well when our kids have become friends. In all cases, getting to know the women well has removed the attraction.

Read it again

It's not how "really attractive people" cope - it's this person saying he copes with mild resentment over their being attractive by telling themselves a lot of these people have personality disorders and are therefore not worth it

Disappointment wrote:

Had a big crush on a woman at work for months. At work she is beautiful and competent.We went out. Turns out shes a drunk, a pothead, financially irresponsible, and a massive underachiever. Although superficially a devoted mother, in my view these flaws actually make her an irresponsible parent. So sad. But why do I still like her?

Sounds like my kinda chick.

I'd party with her.

Pics first, though.

Yep, she turned out to be a psychopath, liar, anti-people, hated going out, incredibly negative mentality about everything, overly-jealous (I couldn't have friends who were girls), and she "hates men" even though she has 3 kids all by different men. The only reason I stayed with her so long is that her kids actually grew on me and began to see me as a father figure.