I've decided to keep my day job so I'll be turning down the $50 cash prize I earned as 3rd master at last week's Run for the Kids 5K. No sense in ruining my amateur status at this point, what with all the dopers there are on the pro circuit.
Don't worry though, I will continue to Work Hard. And when I break 17 minutes, it won't be for a paycheck but for my own goddam pride. Let's see a doped up SOB steal that away from me.
Spoiler: they can't.