Wife hates my running. Any advice? Should I quit running?

The problem isn't your running, it's you wife's attitude.

Quit the wife

Women are freaking stupid. I am glad I am not physically attracted to them so I don't have to put up with their crap to get some tail.

I have a patient in his late 40's. He is a great guy, handsome and very genuine. He also has an incredible body from working out 2 hours a day (lifting plus triathlete type workouts for cardio). He gets up early to work out before his wife even gets out of bed and she still gives him $hit. I think...lady, you know how many women want a husband with a body like your husband has. I know several of her friends and they all say what a great body he has...but apparently she wants a lazy as$ husband who sits around and gets fat. She isn't even awake to miss him while he is at the gym. Who the hell can understand women.

The saying goes, "happy wife, happy life."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/22/happy-wife-happy-life_n_5843596.html

You should some adjustments, such as when traffic is bad skip your run and try again the next day. Learn to be flexible about your running, and be ready to do something else, and replan on the fly when you run.

Get used to it.. wrote: I am glad I am not physically attracted to them...

So, you like guys? Well then, "happy boyfriend, happy life."

That's right!

Flexibilty... wrote:

Get used to it.. wrote: I am glad I am not physically attracted to them...

So, you like guys? Well then, "happy boyfriend, happy life."

Most guys never figure that out. Happy significant other = :-)

Run in the morning.

After work is much more complicated as far as your wife is concerned. She is having to coordinate her plans around you.

Instead, get up earlier. I am guessing you are "not a morning person." Become one. Set your alarm, get up, go run.

Trust me. That won't work either. I'm already a morning person. I work at 6:30am.

When I get up early on the weekend, I get grief for waking her up to go running. There is nothing that'll work. She'll get upset if I take longer lunch to run because I get back later. Every minute, it would seem, is tracked.

Quit the wife.

This seems to be a common theme with running and unhappy wives. Never quite understood the dynamic but it's an interesting one.

On a sidenote, you get home at 5pm? And the wife is salty about that? Both of these statements are mind-blowing to me.

Next time you have a spare 10 minutes at home after work, sit her down and tell her how it is.

I know the feeling. If I spend any time doing something by myself that I enjoy it's looked upon as selfish - not in the family's best interest. Getting up early doesn't cut because if I can get up early to run, why can't I get up early to earn more money or study for an MBA or paint the house.

Have you tried having a real direct conversation with her about this?

"Wife I really enjoy running and it is something that is very important to me and something I'd like to do on a regular basis. However, I sense it is causing some conflict in our marriage and my marriage is more important than running. Let's discuss how we can make this work."

Then come up with/negotiate how often you would like to run. "I'd like to run X days during the week and 1 time long on the weekends."

A more direct approach might work better because now she just has it in her head that running is more important than she is. You resent that but you all probably aren't discussing the issue directly.

Good luck.

The "quit the wife" comments are blunt and to the point, so much so that you might not consider it.

I wouldn't go right there, but a spouse should be understanding and supportive of basically innocuous things that another spouse likes to do.

So, does she have to plan things around your running? Umm...yes. Just like you would if she took up scrapbooking on Sunday afternoon or whatever the hell else she wants to do.

My wife, other than a very brief time, has never been a runner. She NEVER gave me grief as I trained up to 140 MPW back when I trained for and ran a couple of ultras. There are spouses all over this country who support their spouse's activities even though they themselves don't participate...sports fans, model train enthusiasts, and on and on.

Your wife needs a calm sit down conversation telling her that she's being unreasonable. Your running is important to you. It keeps you happy and healthy. I would NEVER put up with my wife being like that with me over running. Fortunately I married one who was perfect from the beginning. Yours isn't yet. Time for her to understand.

Maybe she would enjoy it if you got a baby stroller and pushed her while you did your runs. I'm sure she would enjoy the extra time being with you.

Create a routine which is consistent and if wife plans something ahead of time be flexible. Wives that complain after the fact about your running (eg "where were you") are just dealing with their own issues. 30mpw is not even 5 hrs acthivity

I read the OP, and for a minute thought I had typed it myself and forgotten ...

I know the feeling bro. I have this same issue. After much thought and deliberation (plus some marriage counseling), I have concluded that the problem isn't running per se. It's the wife. If "running" were replaced by any other hobby that you enjoy doing without her, for instance "painting" "woodworking" "rowing" "swimming", the problem would be the same. This is because:

A. wife is a control freak and can't stand the idea of you doing something that she isn't in charge of.

B. wife is jealous because you are keeping fit and she isn't, but she wishes she could. although she'd never admit this and you'd be an idiot to say so.

C. wife doesn't like being the center of attention all the goddam time. princess syndrome or whatever.

See, none of these have anything to do with running by itself. I can make my running as invisible to my wife as possible by running at lunch from work. I sometimes even sneak my running clothes into my car in the morning so she doesn't know I go. But it doesn't matter. I can leave work and get home at the usual times whether I run or not and it won't matter. Because in her mind I should be spending that time on something more directly related to our family rather than myself. Even if i basically play hooky from work to run and don't impact the family at all.

I don't have a solution, but only respond to empathize. If you ever figure it out, let everyone know. Or better yet, write a book and get very rich.

I know the feeling exactly wrote:

...

See, none of these have anything to do with running by itself.....

You are spot on. OP, this is the wrong place to discuss about it. There is nothing wrong in doing 5h of hobbies per week which are not family-related. There is nothing to change about you. Basically, there are two possibilities: your wife changes her attitude or you change wife.