So are you on drugs right now too? The contest act lasted 2 weeks tops last spring. I was clear several times after that I wasn't trying to win anything, not a race, not a game, not anything. You created all that on your own. More importantly, you were the leader, not the follower. You can't say everyone was doing it because you manipulated everyone. I cannot think of 3 things you did right. Your cowardly-indirect approach at trying to get me could not have been more off or more damaging to everyone.
That post is a perfect example of why you are not even close to viewing yourself in an accurate light, which means you are not even close to apologizing or changing. Taking the drugs was not what make Lance a monster. That action makes him human or prone to weakness of pressure. What makes him a monster is the people he has hurt combined with his unwillingness to admit or apologize, the length of time at which it occurred, and any continued bashing he does daily.
The fact that he is being so strategic about how he will confess, if he even does so, is sickening because what he is doing is being careful to have the least damage occur to him in the future. A truly repentant person is willing to present all the information as accurately as possible because that person understands they deserve the punishment. His half-as* confession will not be with a contrite heart so it's not really a confession, but an action he feels he must take to get the outcome he wants. People will see through it.
At some point growing up you learned an incorrect lesson that has screwed up every area of your life. You learned that being direct, whether it be in conflict resolution or dating or work, will not get you where you want to be. So you plot, manipulate, avoid, lie, come up with crazy solutions like YouTube instead of actually talking to the girl. You don't do anything or take any action you need to do that will move you forward. You just sit on the fence like a wimp, hitting people with rocks because you aren't actively and directly creating the life you want. It is one of the most painful and destructive ways to manage a life I've ever seen.
And because you're an atheist you have no commandments or spiritual laws to guide you, making you even more lost and destructive. But actually, I don't think, deep down, you are really an atheist. I think claiming you're an atheist is a great way to do more avoiding. And reinforcing having no belief gives you an out from having to be held spiritually accountable.