Taylor Swift, Newly Linked with Ryan Crouser, to Attend 2024 Prefontaine Classic

By Tim Silva
April 1, 2024

Both pop music fans and track & field fans have been abuzz this week since a publicist for Taylor Swift confirmed that the world’s biggest singing star is not only romantically linked with Ryan Crouser, the world’s greatest shot putter, but will also attend the Prefontaine Classic Diamond League meet at the University of Oregon’s Hayward Field on May 25.

Since Hayward Field has no luxury skyboxes like those at NFL stadiums, Ms. Swift will watch the meet from one of upper rooms in the silver conical tower located in Hayward’s northeast corner, where the fans in attendance—and more importantly the NBC TV cameras—can watch her while she watches her new beau in action on the infield.

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Actually, Swift may not watch much else besides the men’s shot put. Although she has a delicate ectomorph body type, she seemingly has no interest in gaunt, sinewy distance runners and their feats of endurance. She has a reputation as a lover of big, brawny, hirsute men who perform feats of strength.

How did the two stars meet and what led to this budding romance? Although Swift and Crouser have been mostly mum, they did speak separately with LetsRun’s Weldon Johnson.

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“With the NFL season over since early February and not restarting until late fall,” said Swift, “I’d frankly become bored and restless. Channel surfing one day, I happened to see this big guy throw for gold in Glasgow. I thought, now there’s a man with style and a sport I could really stick with. So, my people reached out to his people, we met soon thereafter, and we’ve been an item ever since. Ry-Ry—that’s what I call him now—can bench press way more than what’s-his-name Kelce. Plus, he doesn’t end up covered in bruises and incredibly sore for 5 days after every competition. Speaking of which, Ry-Ry gets to compete in much more interesting places. Would I prefer to spend my Sundays in dull NFL cities like Kansas City, Buffalo, Baltimore, and Cleveland, or in glamorous Diamond League destinations like Paris, Monaco, London, Rome, and Zurich? Duh!”

“Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d be in this position,” Crouser told WeJo. “In honor of Tay-Tay, during the Pre meet I’ll wear a red singlet in the ring and a cardigan to keep warm between throws. And with her support, I know I’ll never have another cruel summer, like in 2019 when I only won the silver medal in Doha. By this August I’ll have another gold, from Paris, and that’ll be the case evermore.”

With his first world indoor title, Ryan Crouser has now done just about everything possible in the sport

Shot put fans certainly know that with Crouser’s reputation as a fearless competitor, should he happen to foul or throw out of the sector during Pre, he will quickly shake it off.

Swifties active on our World-Famous Message Board were quick to point out some facts which “simply could not be mere coincidence.” For example, ShotFan96 posted this observation.

Prefontaine Classic has 18 letters; 1+8=9
Ryan Crouser has 11 letters; 1+1=2
Taylor Swift has 11 letters; 1+1=2
9+2+2=13, which is Taylor’s favorite number!
Need I say more? This match is made in heaven!

Swift’s presence in Eugene will undoubtedly increase both ticket sales and broadcast viewership for the Pre meet. Accordingly, USATF and NBC will tailor their coverage to please all the Swifties. Viewers can expect to see even less live coverage of races, throws and jumps, and more coverage of Taylor. Instead of interrupting an 8-minute steeplechase race just with 3 minutes of commercials and 1 minute of look-ins on field events, as is their standard approach, NBC will now take an additional 2 minutes to aim their cameras up at the tower for important shots of Ms. Swift drinking Gatorade, chatting with U. of O. owner Phil Knight, and reacting to action in the shot put ring. Expect also to see virtually no live coverage of the 400-meter races. Interested fans will be able to catch highlights of those races on Peacock—for a fee, of course.

In this age of conspiracy theories, one set of comments on our World-Famous Message Board was probably inevitable. When Swift’s attendance at the Pre meet was a mere rumor, several posters quickly surmised that after a “scripted” victory by Crouser, Swift would appear with him in the infield for a live, nationally televised interview with Lewis Johnson, during which the power couple would jointly endorse Max Siegel for another term as USATF CEO. And while this possibility seems unlikely, neither Swift, Crouser, nor Siegel have issued public denials.

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