Mary Cain Announces on April Fools’ Day That She’ll Race For The First Time in 500 Days on April 8

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April 1, 2018

LRC note: This piece was an April Fools piece and part of our April Fools’ Day coverage. The title has been changed to denote it was April Fools. Original title was “Mary Cain Announces on April 1 That She’ll Race For The First Time in 500 Days on April 8”. None of the quotes below are true.

Mary Cain announced this morning, April 1, 2018, that she will be returning to racing in exactly one week’s time with a 1,500 race on Sunday in California.

“I’m definitely not in PR shape, but I realize it’s important for me to overcome my fears of not being perfect and just race,” said Cain. “I mean it’s already April 1 and I haven’t raced at all, nor did I race last year. April 8 actually marks that 500th day since my last race.”

Cain, who has been out of action since Thanksgiving Day 2016, blamed her long absence away from the racing oval on her former coach Alberto Salazar.

Mary Cain celebrates after winning 2014 USA Indoors

Mary Cain celebrates after winning 2014 USA Indoors

“The one thing Alberto preached over and over is, ‘You don’t race unless everything is perfect’ and it’s really been hard for me to get that idea out of my head. I’ve been looking for a race that is ‘Cain-certified’ for over a year and finally came to the realization that I just need to race regardless of whether or not the pollen count is correct, whether I have officials lined up that can help me out with a DQ, or whether or not I’m feeling totally recovered from my last workout,” said Cain.

“Ever since I’ve left Alberto, I’d say the number one thing I’ve struggled with is recovery. I used to be able to just hammer three hard workouts every week for weeks on end and feel great at every single one. My new coach John Henwood has told me it’s normal to actually feel tired from workouts so we’ve dialed things back a little bit and added in some more recovery,” added Cain.

Henwood confirmed to that he has changed Cain’s workout structure, reducing her quality sessions from three to two per week. She now does workouts only twice a week, normally on Mondays and Thursdays, with a longer run thrown in on Saturday. He said his only goal is to make sure Cain just gets back into racing as he knows she can dominate later in her career if she’s still competing.

“I keep telling her, ‘Mary all we need now is for you to race and be a mediocre pro. If you are just making a world final by the time you are 28, you can always go back to Alberto and Dr. Brown and he’ll do his thing — whether it’s magical massages or thyroid meds/L-carnitine — and turn you into a world beater like he did with Mo Farah.’ She was hesitant to believe me since Mo is a guy and she’s a woman, so I reminded him that he resurrected Mary Slaney, a former teen phenom herself, from the dead in her 30s to an Olympic team at age 37. That calmed her down. Her only concern now is the age of Dr. Brown and Alberto. Dr. Brown is approaching 70 and Alberto turns 60 later this year.” categorically denies that it is paying Cain to race this weekend in the 1500m in order to drum up discussion on the message boards. “Last year was a record breaking year for Galen is still in his prime and he and Alberto are the gift that keeps on giving. After Oregon 2021, LRC is screwed. What do people think about a possible match-race between Cain and Alan Webb in 2022?” said LRC co-founder Robert Johnson.

Ben Bloom and would like to remind everyone that Alberto Salazar has never been formally accused of any drugs offense by any governing body.

LRC note: This piece was an April Fools piece and part of our April Fools’ coverage.

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