When I was 16 and a sophomore I was getting beat to hell by dear old Dad in our basement since I got third in the state in the mile at 4:10. High grades and board scores also didn't seem to change his impression of me as a loser. It was vicious.
Despite being 60-70s pounds lighter, I struck back. I was terrified as this guy is a monster and well, you are supposed to honor your mother and father. To my shock, he recoiled. I had two epiphanies: 1) bullies hate when you fight back and 2) you are not your blood, you are what you will yourself to be.
Narcissists are often superficially educated. Dad did not know the phrase "kicking against the goads" and probably still doesn't, but at that moment he understood the feeling.
Never laid a hand on me again. Basically abandoned the family soon afterwards.
From that moment on, I didn't give a damn what he wanted or said and often thought the opposite of his commands made more sense. My way was not perfect but far better as it was based on some sort of integrity. I realized I would be broke for a long time but it was going to be worth it.
Like all moments like this, time was not linear and that minute seemed to last for hours. I don't know whether Jesus actually spoke to Saint Paul during his conversion from a killer of Christians, but time slowed for me as just as it did for Paul, and for me, the event was equally life-changing
Nothing I did in later in life-Ph.D., wealthy, eventual great woman, great daughters -would have been possible without this moment. I think very few people have such a concrete Oedipus conflict break, but I quit being a victim that day.
When you are young, you think having lousy parents means that you are lousy. Simply not true.