Wife cheated, son is not mine. Advice?

This is not a you problem. This is a her problem. If you take her back it will quickly become a you problem. You might miss her now, but you will grow to hate her and may even start to resent your chuck son.

It’s not your kid. It’s some other dudes who has enjoyed banging your wife while you wasted your time and money raising his kid.

What is your family/friend situation like? I think you have to tell someone. Sorry if that's not good. Go to a counselor, or anything like a Co-dependency support group if you have to. She's Drinking , is this a regular thing ( you don't have to answer) ? Don't be alone and enmeshed with this woman now. Focus on yourself. Right now, as you are proving, strangers are better for you than she is. Even if you go back , make conditions on yourself that you will get support, not keep all this secret. Don't hash out any make -up plans here on LR , not now anyway.

BREAKING NEWS: Family of three found dead in Oregon home. Murder suicide suspected.

Are you sure you want to leave? Anyway.... The other guy should pay for child support and you should treat the child as your own so see him every other weekend and such

The impact of your sudden disappearance will be of no consequence to a 4 year old child. He will get over it. (My kids got over my wife’s passing when they were ages 4 and 5). The question is are you attached to this child or are you willing to walk away.

Best wishes and good luck

breaking news wrote:

BREAKING NEWS: Family of three found dead in Oregon home. Murder suicide suspected.

Bad form, and not funny.

You need to go back home. Stick with the lawyer, and get a divorce, but move back home. Even in Oregon, staying at a hotel will be used by her divorce lawyer to show that you ran out on the family. This will cost you visitation time with your son, your house, and additional money for child support. In a divorce situation, the person who remains in the house has all the power. Don't stay with your wife, get a divorce, but stay at your house while you sort things out.

Go back home wrote:

You need to go back home. Stick with the lawyer, and get a divorce, but move back home. Even in Oregon, staying at a hotel will be used by her divorce lawyer to show that you ran out on the family. This will cost you visitation time with your son, your house, and additional money for child support. In a divorce situation, the person who remains in the house has all the power. Don't stay with your wife, get a divorce, but stay at your house while you sort things out.

It's not his kid. The kid has a bio father, who is still banging the kid's mom.

OP doesn't need to go back to that house. That's just more hard-core emotional damage inflicted on his psyche.

Advice?! Drink heavily.

MeHereYouWhere?! wrote:

I'm still trying to wrap my head around how a male, who is not the father of the baby that was conceived out of wedlock, is responsible for paying child support for that baby. That seems absolutely asinine to me. I understand that he WAS paying for the child and their needs but that was only because he thought the baby was he and his wife's together. Now that it's not because SHE cheated, he should 1000% not be financially on the hook for anything.

It’s not. People are making stuff up.

Sadly my brother went through a similar situation. The kid wasn’t his and no child support was awarded. This was in Texas. He now lives in California, she lives in a South Carolina.

People on this board think they know. They don’t.

UPDATE: it’s not your kid.

I know it sucks but needs to be addressed.

Listen...do NOT go back to her. I understand the feeling you have even during a terrible time. I've been in situations of being cheated on...and once she begs for you to come back, it is something you truly want to do.

DO NOT DO THIS. You will always resent her. Your life will not be the same. She will do it again.

I know it is not easy, but you need to tell a good close buddy. That buddy needs to be by your side thick and thin. I hope you have a close friend who will smack you in the head if you start wanting to go back. It helps when you have that.

Also, do not move back in. Some other poster mentioned this due to legal reasons. I don't care. If you move back in, she will sway you back or it might even lead to a physical altercation.

I skipped over some of the crap the last few pages...it’s pretty cut and dry to me. Divorce the woman, and cut ties with the kid too because if you stick around you will always have the painful reminder or this. The kid will grow up, and maybe he’ll be grateful for you being in his life, and maybe he’ll want his bio dad more. Can you deal with that? Why not cut ties, move away, find a stable woman and have kids you have no doubt are yours. That’s the best thing you can do here, otherwise you are just a mop for someone else’s mess.

Do not even entertain the idea of coming back with her. It's crystal clear she doesn't love you. She cultivated another relation for years, without any concern for you, she robbed you of what was the most important, the paternity of you kid. There is no coming back.

Do you know the sentence "once a cheater, always a cheater". It's true.

Thanks for all the encouragement! I stayed steady and did not go back home. I am hoping a couple more days away from home will help the reactive emotions blow over. I'm going to visit the lawyer again today, and really try to get the ball rolling on everything. I realize it can be a fairly long and painful process, so I want to get things going.

Also, I told one of my closest friends and running buddies about this. He is the only one who really knows and it was extremely relieving to have him hear it and support me. I'm still an emotional wreck but telling a close friend is already making a big difference.

Best,

DD

Your wife decided to get a lawyer just because you visited a law office? Huh?

The secretary outed you to your wife? I am sure privacy laws have been broken here.

Ghost of Igloi wrote:

breaking news wrote:

BREAKING NEWS: Family of three found dead in Oregon home. Murder suicide suspected.

Bad form, and not funny.

Granted it is a troll thread. I concur. It was in bad taste.