Married dudes, how did you know she was "the one"?

In my previous post, I referred to my relating of my experiences as "hear-say". I really should have used the word, "anectdotal" - that's the word I intended to type out; but somehow got distracted and typed "hear-say".

In my previous reply to you, I didn't respond at all to your last sentence; and it is "worthy" of a serious response.

You said, " If your mental illness does not allow you to behave in an appropriate manner go get help, you weird little narcissistic sociopath."

This is amazing stuff, levels of presumption, on your part. ALL you "know" about me is what I wrote in that post. That was utterly inadequate "experience" with me to assume that I:

a) have mental illness;

b) that is supposedly so bad that it doesn't allow me to behave in an appropriate manner;

c) that it is so bad that I should get help;

d) that I'm a socio-path - that's as off-base as anything you could have said - sociopathology is about criminal-type behavior in social settings - not at all what I described;

e) that I'm narcisstic. I'm the opposite. I am a quite-considerate man / friend to others; and a top quality dad and husband - things that don't go with narcissism.

f) "weird" - well, if by "weird" we mean "unusual", an end-of-the-bell-curve kind of guy - I might very well match that description.

To tell you the truth, it is YOU that MAY need to get help - your OBVIOUSLY strong problems with public discussions of every-day problems and experiences; these strong problems stand out in you - YOU could benefit by working with someone who might help you calm down, and grow up to having a much more mature attitude towards sex (and, in particular, female orgasms).

Dated a girl for awhile and thought she was "the one" until......

I met her parents and they fought pretty much every 6 hours. She also got into an argument with her brother 30 minutes into our holiday weekend visit. She talked about the size of engagement rings on a weekly basis and needed a "weekend home/camp on the lake". I found out she was Lexapro and Lamictal to battle "depression". Oh, and she hooked up with a dude pretty much two nights after we had a fight/trial breakup/time apart. And surprise! She hated running!

Oh yeah, she found a guy two months after we broke up for good and they were married within a year. That marriage lasted 2 years and now she's married AGAIN to some rich dude and she's a stay at home mom. I'm curious how long that marriage will last.

Bullet dodged!

FOR MOST OF HUMAN EXISTENCE, WE ONLY LIVED LESS THAN 20 YEARS

Something to keep in mind, human beings have been around for anywhere from the most conservative scientific estimates (100,000 years) to 200,000 (Mitochondrial Eve) and on up. During 99% of that time, human life expectancy was under 20 years. When people lived much shorter lives, "Til Death Do Us Part" made a lot more sense.

In more recent times, with average life-expectancy (let's call it 70 years) and marriages starting around the age of 20; people go thru a ton of changes in 50 years - it's completely unreasonable to expect (much less insist) on all couples (or even most couples) to stay together nearly that long.

This is especially the case for young-aged couples - they go thru the most changes in the least amount of time - which is why most marriages don't last all that long.

From this, we should realize that a marriage that lasts "only" a decade is not necessarily a failure. It could very well have been a big success DURING (most of) its duration.

There's nothing morally or practically "wrong" with "serial monogamy" - experiencing more than one marriage over one's lifetime. It IS the norm and works well enough for most people.

I realized that she was “the only one” on a 3 date. I told her about my unusual hobby - sewing, and she did not laugh and understood. It was very nice. On the anniversary she gave me a gift - her own website about sewing machines - https://bestsewingmachinesguide.com/. I was very happy and now periodically publish articles there

When she has ready when I get home..

Not sure if I believe this "ONE" thing.

But when I met my wife, everything just lined up so quickly and it was weird.

We are different, but a lot of our views on life, goals and motivations lined up. Our immediate attraction to one another was the strongest either of us had felt. These things were so strong in fact we were constantly talking about how strange it was and how neither one of us had experienced it before. ( both had multiple longer term relationships).

Needless to say we were married in a few short months. My feeling, and we both felt like this. Was it would be highly unlikely to find what we had just found again. Yeah it may be out there, but finding it is the hard part. And once you find it and build a relationship around it, it becomes even more valuable and harder to find. How many times will you actually find that connection? How many times will it actually work out and last?

#1 - there is no "one" person.

#2 - Don't believe in the "happily ever after" bull-hockey

#3 - There are no princes/princesses out there for you

#4 - Forget all the marriage fantasy stories - they are very hard work - they're not 50/50 either. Ever (yeah, I know, they should be 100/100...all-in, so to speak - but that's not usually the case either)

#5 - EVERYTHING you find "cute" or "adorable" or "wonderfully quirky" about your "one" will turn into what you dislike most about them.

Most importantly, watch how she (or he) treats their parents, their siblings and others to see what kind of a person she is. And her relationship with her mom is huge; most girls/young women become their mother at some point.

Married Dude wrote:

#1 - there is no "one" person.

#2 - Don't believe in the "happily ever after" bull-hockey

#3 - There are no princes/princesses out there for you

#4 - Forget all the marriage fantasy stories - they are very hard work - they're not 50/50 either. Ever (yeah, I know, they should be 100/100...all-in, so to speak - but that's not usually the case either)

#5 - EVERYTHING you find "cute" or "adorable" or "wonderfully quirky" about your "one" will turn into what you dislike most about them.

Most importantly, watch how she (or he) treats their parents, their siblings and others to see what kind of a person she is. And her relationship with her mom is huge; most girls/young women become their mother at some point.

She let me stick it in her butt.

Actually though, there is no way to know. This person hit it on the head. There are plenty of people I've met throughout my life who I would have easily married if I hadn't already been married to my wife. If you love her and she loves you, go for it. Your relationship will change so many times over, all that matters is that you expect your partner will be willing to change with you throughout time. If you think that they are not capable of change, DO NOT get married to them.

WANTS to go down every time. Still does.

married wrote:

Actually though, there is no way to know. This person hit it on the head. There are plenty of people I've met throughout my life who I would have easily married if I hadn't already been married to my wife. If you love her and she loves you, go for it. Your relationship will change so many times over, all that matters is that you expect your partner will be willing to change with you throughout time. If you think that they are not capable of change, DO NOT get married to them.

Your last sentence is so very important. I'll add only one thing to it - if they say they'll never change, run for the hills - it's right up there with incapable of change.

I know a woman who said that all the time to the husband - who usually came back with - "Well, I hope I'm much different than the 25 year-old you married!" They were in their 40s when they got divorced. The whole time the wife was saying to everyone who would listen - "I haven't changed a bit." And she was right about her physical attributes - she stayed pretty damn hot over the years. But emotionally and socially, it was like dealing with a teenager - and that gets very old quickly.

Most of their mutual friends (including me) unloaded her after the divorce.

Change is inevitable if you're living and learning.