My FWB of 7 months wants us to be official bf-gf. I am really struggling with the idea. Need input.

agree wrote:

Aversion wrote:

I don't she's getting pressure from anyone. It's more like up until now we've just hung out to do FWB stuff, and we (mostly she) would like to take things a bit further and see if there's more there. It's fun to actually do things with a partner of some kind like go for a day hike, visit a nearby city, etc. Part of me would like to test the waters with that stuff too, but I also don't want either of us to get too emotionally invested, and I think that could be a problem for her (and possibly me).

Really, what would be ideal would be she be my primary girl but I also occasionally see other girls just for physical fun but nothing emotional. I don't know as if that's really fair to her though since she has stated she has no interest in something like that for herself and that if she and I are together than we need to be exclusive... sigh.

Your situation sounds pretty similar to my current situation. I do not yet feel ready to be monogamous, but it's also difficult to keep a "primary girl and a few other girls" setup for the long term. What I would say to you (and I'm trying to say to myself) is, just be fair to her. You really can't have a girlfriend and still be with other girls unless you cheat on her or have an open relationship. If that is not acceptable to you/her, then you need to decide whether or not to continue this arrangement.

Do you want to get married or have kids one day? Does she?

Aversion wrote:

Vivalarepublica wrote:

I'll bite because I love relationship threads on Letsrun and giving bad advice. It seems like you've been in a half-relationship already without realizing it. Turning that into something more serious with a young woman that doesn't seem to know what she wants and you don't know what you want probably isn't the best idea. Frankly, when it comes to a serious relationship, you need to know who and what you want, and actively create that situation.

With the information that you provided, if I were her, I wouldn't enter a relationship with you because it seems like you will cheat on her and you need some therapy about your past experiences before becoming serious with her or anyone else. Do it sooner rather than later if feel that is necessary.

But seems like a nice little situation you've carved out for yourself there in the college town. Well done.

I also suspect you're the same troll that started "the not sure I should sleep with my roommate", because of the big baller talk, but you aren't as abrasive in your responses as that guy, so maybe not.

haha, you're correct. I wrote that thread on here. Good memory. I swear there are only 5 of us on this site. I was serious in that thread, and I am more serious in this one. I might spin things different ways depending on the particular thread and its subject, but I don't lie at all.

I would not enter a relationship with me either. I always express that to girls early on by telling them I'm not looking for a serious relationship at all, and if we see each other for awhile (say 6 plus dates), I reiterate and open up a bit and explain that I'm not emotionally capable of a serious relationship. Sex with other women is not so much the reason for staying out of relationship but is a way to not get too tied up in any one girl. It's a form of love-avoidance. Jane knows I have problems, but emotions are not rational, and we do have a good time together when we are together.

The thread about BPD girls has popped up again on page 1, and I encourage everyone to read that. I've had multiple encounters with BPD women through unfortunate twists of fate that were not the result of my choosing, and it has definitely fvcked me up on women and getting close to one. After having a female become infatuated with you only to later attempt to ruin your life and career, you tend to shy away from ever going through that again at all costs.

Vivalarepublica wrote:

Aversion wrote:

haha, you're correct. I wrote that thread on here. Good memory. I swear there are only 5 of us on this site. I was serious in that thread, and I am more serious in this one. I might spin things different ways depending on the particular thread and its subject, but I don't lie at all.

I would not enter a relationship with me either. I always express that to girls early on by telling them I'm not looking for a serious relationship at all, and if we see each other for awhile (say 6 plus dates), I reiterate and open up a bit and explain that I'm not emotionally capable of a serious relationship. Sex with other women is not so much the reason for staying out of relationship but is a way to not get too tied up in any one girl. It's a form of love-avoidance. Jane knows I have problems, but emotions are not rational, and we do have a good time together when we are together.

The thread about BPD girls has popped up again on page 1, and I encourage everyone to read that. I've had multiple encounters with BPD women through unfortunate twists of fate that were not the result of my choosing, and it has definitely fvcked me up on women and getting close to one. After having a female become infatuated with you only to later attempt to ruin your life and career, you tend to shy away from ever going through that again at all costs.

Not really going to dive into the deeper psychological elements here, but if you ever want to have a deeper and more meaningful relationship with a woman, you'll have to come to terms with these emotional demons you seem to avoid and learn what it takes to have a loving relationship. You can't rationalize your way out of this one, because we are humans, we all have emotions, even the geniuses among us, and we must confront, process, and understand these parts of ourselves in order to move forward. As cheesy as it sounds.

Otherwise, if you don't feel things like attachment, you probably are a sociopath or psychopath, and you probably should climb the ladder in your company or run for office. Both are the perfect fit for that psychological profile.

So what happened with the roommate situation?