Been There, Survived wrote:
Whose is the primary account holder on her phone?
If you are, get a detailed transcript from the phone company.
If you are not, you need evidence another way.
You need that.
Beware of her creating a situation inciting domestic violence, whether it be verbal or physical abuse. Be ready to walk away from her, taking the kids with you, with evidence of her adulltery already in your lawyer's hands. Make sure you have your own copies.
Look, if you did this to her under your current circumstances, she would likely screw you royaly in the family court system. It's bullshit to give your spouse a pass just because she's a woman. Get your evidence, get it to the BEST lawyer, and be ready to file with one day's notice.
Be ready to file and kick her out of the house.
Set the standard for devotion to your family by not tolerating members who would weaken it.
Adults and children, dedicated to their family.
it is precious.
Tough love.
Her friend is a piece of s***, and a bad influence.
If you want to be bold and take a chance, confront all three of them together in the manager's office at the gym. Do it calmly, firmly, and look each one in the eye. File for legal separation THAT DAY with the children in your custody.
Can't stand up for yourself?
Be prepared to be screwed over emotionally and financially.
ALSO:
Change the children's day care to a place that YOU choose and established the relationship. Think carefully about this, for you want a loving, stable & safe daycare that enhances their stability.
Your spouse is already working at isolating you from YOUR children by having them in a day care that you do not readily access, and adults that give her social support. That's a key point. Change that.
I give you a scenario. You don't stand up for yourself or do anything about this. Next thing you know you have a confrontation with your wife or there's verbal or physical abuse. She has the kids at a daycare where she is the only adult who has permission to drop them off and pick them up. Meanwhile she's filed for legal separation or divorce from you. You feel like you've been gut punched everyday. And she is in position to have her life and raise the kids without a you as father figure. It's the ultimate insult. Make no mistake this is a very aggressive act. Passive aggressive but it's very aggressive. Do not listen to the posters here who made the woman and encourage you that it's okay for your spouse to be a cheater just because she's a woman. They are pieces of s*** just like her friend at the gym. Kick them to the curb.
Assume the leadership role in your family and do it with loving strength and compassion.
Immediately set up a daycare for you to drop off and pick up the kids. During all this you will have to keep them in my that will be your greatest sense of pride.