It's hard to admit that you're a loser, but sometimes the truth just smacks you in the face.
Months ago, I signed up for the recent Chicago Spring Half-Marathon.
But by the time I got to the starting line things had changed.
When it was over, I was dead last.
Still, it was easy, at least for a while, to lose myself in the glory of crossing the finish line. There's nothing like hearing your name called over a loud speaker as you make it down the final stretch.
"Finisher Dahleen Glanton," the announcer shouted out as I trekked along the roped-off path lined with cheering spectators who made me feel like a superhero.
My friend, Lizzie Calloway, who had traveled from Atlanta to participate in the race, was a few steps ahead of me.
As cameras flashed and rock 'n' roll blasted from the sound system, I took a moment to relish my accomplishment. Lifting my arms in the air, I mustered enough strength to do a quick trot across the finish line and grab the silver medal waiting on the other side.
How to start running
How to start running
Another friend, Deborah Williams, who had shot ahead of Lizzie and me about a mile back, welcomed us to the winners' circle. I grabbed a couple of bags of chips and a bottle of grape-flavored sports drink and headed to the picture booth.
And there we posed, with medals around our necks and beaming with pride, for the series of cellphone pictures that would be posted on Facebook as soon as we got home.
"We didn't win, but we finished!" the caption read on my Facebook and Twitter posts. This was my first serious race, and, of course, I had to boast.
As expected, the accolades rolled in. "Good Job." "That's Awesome!" "My Hat's Off To You."
I felt like a fraud.
For weeks, I'd bragged about signing up for the Chicago Spring Half-Marathon. But I'd neglected to mention in a Facebook post that we had switched races at the last minute. We wouldn't even attempt the 13.1 miles. We would do 6 — which to most people in the half-marathon was the equivalent of an afternoon stroll.
Oh, and by the way, we didn't run at all. We walked.
As a result, my final stats were dismal: I finished 819th out of 819 runners. Among women, I was 548th of 548. Among middle-aged women, I was 16th in a field of 16.
In an email the other day, one of the race organizers attempted to make me feel better about my pitiful finish.
"Did you realize that you were our final 10K finisher — by only one second? Another gal crossed the finish line with a time of 2:36:42 vs. your 2:36.43," he wrote. "That's nearly a photo finish."
That was my friend, Lizzie. Her sister, Deborah, was a few seconds ahead of her.
Together, we made up the final three in the 10k. You just don't get any worse than that.
Now that the truth is out, I could choose to sit around and sulk over what could have been. Or I could use my failure as a teachable moment.
Of the 6,000 total participants, I was among the 2 percent who had no previous race experience. As a novice, I figure that I made at least five crucial mistakes.
No. 1: I didn't train adequately. In fact, I balked every time my personal trainer told me to get on the StairMaster.
No. 2: I hosted a dinner party the night before the race. Wine was served. I had a big plate of pasta and two slices of cake for dessert.
No. 3: At 3 a.m., I realized the pants I wanted to wear in the race were in the hamper. I decided to do laundry.
No. 4: Finally, I fell asleep around 4:30 a.m. My alarm clock went off at 5.
No. 5: I had to be on the lakefront by 6. That left no time for breakfast, and I didn't even have a banana in the house.
I've already signed up for another race in September. I plan to be ready.
An avid runner suggested that I look at my last-place finish this way: I did a lot better than the people who stayed home.
I suppose that's true. But next fall, I'll be aiming for more. I'm determined to finish ahead of Deborah and Lizzie.
From: http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/ct-half-marathon-glanton-talk-20160527-column.html
Perhaps the biggest Hobby Jogger failure of ALL TIME?
Report Thread
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Jesus Christ this cannot be true...yet it was published in a national newspaper..........
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She sounds like a lazy loser. Honestly, I was not interested at all in reading this story. I can hike a 6 mile section of the AT with my grandma faster than that. More than her poor preparation, what I got from the article is that on race day she put in no effort whatsoever.
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Don't be so hardon yourself. You weren't last, you beat all the people sleeping in their beds! You are a champion and don't let anybody tell you anything different. Those people that put down your admirable effort are just jealous of your fortitude and perseverance. You, my friend, are my hero!! Now go out there and get yourself a value meal, what the heck supersize it to help you celebrate.
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Did I read that correctly? 6 miles in 2:36? (2 minute per mile pace)
Also the article is horribly written
It literally sounds like a 5th grader wrote it -
Perfect troll bomb drop on the Letsrun community.
It's all for the photo the comments and likes from my "friends" and the camaraderie. Still, all the people in my demographic and older will continue to point fingers at Millenials and younger generations as being self-absorbed, lazy and trivial. I guess I'll just check FB *one* more time! -
Lil' Agnes you are not!!
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400m wrote:
Did I read that correctly? 6 miles in 2:36? (2 minute per mile pace)
Also the article is horribly written
It literally sounds like a 5th grader wrote it
2:36:45
Hours not minutes -
How does mgcentro do it? wrote:
400m wrote:
Did I read that correctly? 6 miles in 2:36? (2 minute per mile pace)
Also the article is horribly written
It literally sounds like a 5th grader wrote it
2:36:45
Hours not minutes
156 minutes / 6 miles = 26 minutes per mile, or 2.3 miles per hour.
Did she do cartwheels the whole time? -
Mo Farah wasn't at that race, so she beat him! He didn't even toe the line! She actually beat almost 7 billion people that day who were obviously too lazy to show up.
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If she can get down to sub-2h or even sub-90 that will be a greater gain for society than if any of you self-obsessed losers shave some seconds off your pr.
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you are the worthless ones wrote:
If she can get down to sub-2h or even sub-90 that will be a greater gain for society than if any of you self-obsessed losers shave some seconds off your pr.
Hi Dahleen! -
Let's see she did not train and walked the entire distance.
That is a pretty slow walk. -
Hobby Jogger Fail wrote:"Finisher Dahleen Glanton," the announcer shouted out as I trekked along the roped-off path lined with cheering spectators who made me feel like a superhero.
^^^
All you need to know about the state of the sport today. Pathetic. And celebrated in a national newspaper.
Next, she'll be on the cover of Runner's World as a hero to everyone who crosses the finish line! -
"Did you realize that you were our final 10K finisher — by only one second? Another gal crossed the finish line with a time of 2:36:42 vs. your 2:36.43," he wrote. "That's nearly a photo finish."
That was my friend, Lizzie. Her sister, Deborah, was a few seconds ahead of her.
Throw a mocha frappe and a donut on the other side of the finish line and things could have been different. Very different. -
I can fit three cheeseburgers in my mouth at the same time.
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the rematch will be insane. Dahleen vs lizzie vs deborah round 2, Chicago marathon 2017. I simply cannot wait
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Did she at least look relaxed?
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It says she didn't train properly - not didn't train at all. Clearly some heavy training at the dessert buffet went into her preparation.
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Is running the only sport where you can write stuff like this? It seems that it's a new trope to write about how bad your running is, or how one shouldn't run (see Slate today).
Would anyone find humor in someone writing about how they didn't try to learn, or care to properly prepare for mountain climbing, or golfing, or even fishing??
Just seems like a weird take.