Did you date in HS?

iamstupid wrote:

You guys take this far too seriously. Date in HS, just don't take anything too seriously. Have sex, but use protection. high School relationships are good to build up relationship experience and to get a barometer for crazy/bad relationships.

Just don't over-analyze or look into too much.

Exactly, why take this all so seriously. Do what feels right and natural to you as long as you're respectful to others always.

HS is a goldfish bowl in which it's easy to think that everything that happens there is the be all and end all. However, it can (and should) provide many, many happy times of which dating can be some of the best.

I drink, get laid, date, run, dance, play guitar, listen to music amongst many other things all because I simply enjoy them. It's not more complex than that.

Oops is not far too off wrote:

I think oops it got too serious has a serious relationship with his wife. I've been with my wife for 8 years, married for 4 years, and I used to have don't ask don't tell kind of relationship with her bc she's had more experience than me and I didn't really want to know too much. Recently, we opened up all of it, and there were things that upset me and showed our vulnerability. However, since then we share everything, and we love each other even more. I've never loved someone like I love my wife now and it's been great.

A voice of reason from another person in a relationship as long as me. I have been married longer, but cumulatively only 2 years more in total as far as the duration of the relationship is concerned.

tis very true wrote:

You guys take this far too seriously. [...]

I drink, get laid, date, run, dance, play guitar, listen to music amongst many other things all because I simply enjoy them. It's not more complex than that.

Wow.... you're so unique! You'll have an easy time at a state school.

"I like rock and roll ... I like stayin' up late. And I love the ladies, oh yeah cool!"

I'm not Rojo.

I dated one girl seriously in high school. I was a scrawny nerd among other things. But so was she. We just both happened to have very intense sex drives. I didn't have 'game'...

I am serious about everything I have said. What do you think is psycho about it?

I feel sorry for you if you believe that 'getting laid' will satisfy you forever. Sex is awesome. What's more satisfying is an intimate relationship. There is a huge difference between the two. I hope one day you learn, and are willing to take advice from people who have gone before you.

Oops it got too serious wrote:

Tommy 2 tone wrote:

Oops is a troll, and a loquacious one at that. 3/10 for hijacking and dominating the thread.

I wouldn't spend this much of my time trolling.

Yeah what threw me off was your backstory was ostensibly too well fleshed out to be a troll, but when you pick it apart, it's just 50 shades of grey toned down a bit. Well played my friend.

I really am in total agreement with oops it got too serious. Since really sharing everything with my wife, yes, there were things that hurt me finding out about things later where she was friends with people that she's been with in the past that I thought they were just friends and I had no idea that they hooked up in the past. However, I brought in on myself by saying that I didn't want to know, but I just never thought she would still be friends with them and not tell me about. As I would not hang out with people that I've been with. To me, it felt like I was emotionally cheated, but to her, she just truly only sees them as friends, but it bothered me bc guys would not think the same and if the guy even sees a sliver of a chance to be with her, they would.

But now that we have talked very openly about it and we both expressed our emotions, I feel very strongly and secure with her. I've never felt this type of love with anyone and it's awesome!

Oops got too serious, I'm glad you have this type of relationship with your wife as well bc it truly is the best.

derp wrote:

Oops it got too serious wrote:

I wouldn't spend this much of my time trolling.

Yeah what threw me off was your backstory was ostensibly too well fleshed out to be a troll, but when you pick it apart, it's just 50 shades of grey toned down a bit. Well played my friend.

Believe what you wish. Some people on these boards are actually serious.

I appreciate the support. I wonder how many of those responding are in a serious relationship or happily married? My guess is not many of them. When I was younger I may have said some of the same things, though. Sex IS awesome. But what you learn later is how much more there is to women and relationships. I probably wouldn't have understood this depth of connecting with a woman earlier in life. Fortunately, through years of experience, I have been able to learn a different way that pays dividends both personally and in my marriage. I still have plenty to learn. Happy for you as well.

"The truth will set you free." Truer words have never been spoken.

Oops it got too serious wrote:

I'm not trolling, and if I had a Bible I'd swear on it.

I'm surprised you don't keep a pocket sized one on you at all times.

johnclendon wrote:

Oops it got too serious wrote:

I'm not trolling, and if I had a Bible I'd swear on it.

I'm surprised you don't keep a pocket sized one on you at all times.

Is that supposed to be some sort of insult? I'm not an overtly religious person. I didn't know that was required for having values and making healthy decisions.

I hope that everyone has a moral guidepost to look toward. Clearly they don't, though. Just watch the news.

A lot of liberals promote the 'do what feels good to you' agenda. Worked out really well for one toddler recently. The parents locked him a room with a space heater for 36 hours while they manufactured and did meth together. He died of hyperthermia. But that's what felt good to them at the time! Yeah!

Sick.

Hey "oops it got too serious," chill. You've probably spent like at least an hour total on here defending your abnormal(?) relationship from a bunch of LRC trolls. Not to mention hijacking the thread.

Oops it got too serious wrote:

5) My wife and I have a transparent relationship where any question will be answered.

So are you going to share with your wife that you post incessantly on this message board trying to justify your creepy relationship?

Also, how long have you been married? And what type of addiction did you have? Or did whatever cult you now belong to convince you that having premarital sex is sex addiction?

I didn't date in HS , but I made up for it soon after and regret not having done it sooner. Finally dated & had sex @ 19 and it was... Fantastic! OK, the sex part was great for me, likely not so much for her... She had a lot of experience and even though she dumped me (for Arlo Guthrie, my arch enemy), I am forever grateful to her and the other (few) young women I met before I met my wife.

If I could do it over I would have spent a lot more time dating, and with luck, having sex, in HS. Even those experiences that don't lead to long term relationships are a wonderful part of life. For the record I've been married 32 years to a fantastic woman. My previous experience (albeit limited) while single has led me to be a better husband(at least in my mind). Further, I encouraged both my children to date in HS. Son did and daughter did not. I told them something along the lines of this:

"If you ever thought you want to date, do it right now (HS & College). There will never be a time in your life when you are surrounded by so many people the same age who are interested in dating. Don't be used and don't use them, but if you both want the same thing (dating, sex, etc) try it. If its sex, be safe about it." (I did provide details on what being 'safe' means)

Except that isn't what "Ooops" is saying. Oops' wife isn't upset that he is hanging out with an ex girlfriend, Oops' wife is upset that he even had a girlfriend in high school, and that he "did things" with her. He never indicated that the ex-girlfriend is still around as a friend. If so, I would get why she might be bothered.

But the issue Oops and his wife had is marrying somebody they didn't know as well as they should have. They didn't talk about things ahead of time that apparently were important to them.

So now they're in that awkward spot where his wife is religious and believes that doggy style is a sin, and he's stuck doing missionary once a week on friday nights for the rest of his life.

Meanwhile she cries in therapy every wednesday at noon because "hubby did it from behind when he was 17, how can I ever live up to that? I have boundaries, you know! I respect myself!"

I would strongly predict that if they don't get this whole mess worked out and just accept each other's past (or choice not to have a past), drop the fear of doing whatever "spice" they are interested in adding to their love life, etc, that one of them will have an affair.

I've been with my wife for 11 years now. She asked a few general questions about my sexual past when we had been dating for maybe 6 months. Since then she hasn't felt the need to probe deeper (get it?). The few times she's heard me bullshitting with guy friends at a party about "past conquests", she has just rolled her eyes and walked away.

^ This. The other thing that is painfully obvious is that "Oops..." is working harder to convince himself than he's trying to convince anyone on this message board. Despite his self-righteous ramblings and unhealthy approach to his marital relationship, I picture "Oops..." as one of those guys who secretly trolls p**n sites after the missus settles down for the evening in her chastity belt.

As was suggested above, "Oops..." will be the one who eventually has an affair...if you consider hooking up with a backpage escort to be an affair.

So much to respond to.

I'm not 'unchill'. If anything, those responding to my posts have my more unchill (aka, attacking) than myself.

If there is a 'normal' in any regard, it is hard to categorize any relationship in this way. They are all unique. I'm glad to see the (?) after the word 'abnormal' though. I'm assuming that you understand that without relationship experience, it is impossible to classify someone's relationship in this way. Even with relationship experience, it's impossible to say what is normal or not. The truth is, it doesn't matter. What works for one couple will not work for the next.

Secondly, I don't have the power to hi-jack the thread alone, nor was that my intent. Several people were bothered and replied to me when I suggested that their sexual choices may hurt someone in the future. This is my belief and has been true in my experience. Is it okay to sleep with 10 people? 100? 200? With animals or children? At what point should it 'bother' my wife? I know the last part of my question is ridiculous - but do you see what a slippery slope it is to try to cast on someone else what should bother them and what should not? Who decides? Are you all suggesting that sexual history shouldn't matter at all, because I didn't know her at the time? In my case, it wasn't a frequency problem (# of women ) as it was a severity problem - doing things that no 15 year old should being doing at that age. I watched a lot of porn leading up to that relationship, and happened to find a girl that was less informed by porn but willing to try anything I suggested. It was an explosive, unhealthy situation. And that wasn't the only relationship I had prior to my marriage. I have had several sexual partners - in person, online, via sexting,, etc. Again, my original response what only about how the HS relationship affected my life (per the OP); it was not to recount all of my history.

First - I'm not going to give all of the specific details, in the name of anonymity, because others may be affected by me posting those (people who are close to the situation can add up a bunch of anonymous facts may be able to figure out who I am).

My wife knows I spend time on these boards, yes.

Not one of you has been able to tell me what is creepy about my relationship. I have a deeply intimate relationship with my wife. Why else be married? You know what's creepy? Sleeping next to someone you DON'T know that well.

I've been married for more than 5 years. I have a sex addiction. This has been confirmed by more than one therapist and support groups.

My sexual history/addiction involves much more than premarital sex. It was just the first opportunity I had to participate and act out the fantasies I had for years leading up to that point.

You are right that my hs girlfriend is not around. I pushed the boundaries further with her than my wife is comfortable going. This is why it bothers her still. Will I love her or enjoy sex with her the same if she isn't comfortable doing those things? It's a valid concern in my eyes. Also, she saved herself me, and I did not for her. Yes, she saw enough in me to stay regardless, and she knew that coming in, but as I said before - she just wishes it wasn't part of my past.

Again, you are right - we didn't know each other as well as we should have when we got married. We did talk about several important topics, but not as much as we should have. We did premarital counseling, but it was a joke. We didn't confront any hard hitting topics, nor were we advised to. Just cruised through it. I wish we were more informed. We did the best we knew how at the time. In hindsight, it would have been wise to wait a couple of more years, at least, before marrying.

I'm not going to comment on positions and frequency of sex and what is a 'sin' - we are both church going folks, and always have been, but that doesn't make us 'religious'. We are level headed people that live a balanced life. We are not in church every Sunday, but it is important to us. We satisfied in every aspect of our relationship, as I mentioned before, and if we aren't, we discuss it.

As for the therapy comment - I already said that she does not cry about this in particular, nor is it why she is in therapy.

We are working through getting over things in particular that happened both before and during our marriage - including affairs. It's unfortunate and it wrecked us - for the better, now, though. These events have shaped much of what I have said in this thread about KNOWING someone, which, if you haven't noticed, is a theme. The truth will set you free as a person; and truth in a relationship will save it, no matter how hard it is to be honest. Affairs can be a catalyst for health. In our case, this is true. We are present with each other, we are both working on ourselves, and we are stronger than ever before.

Two unhealthy people cannot make a healthy relationship. We tried it. Two healthy people; or at least people working on being healthy; do make for a healthier relationship. We have experienced this first hand.

What is unhealthy about my approach? I'm still waiting for an answer. I don't watch porn, and my wife and I spend time together every night. I've also never paid for intercourse, if you must know.

I don't have to convince anyone of anything, including myself - I know what I have. I have simply responded to the misguided accusations and attacks on a very short paragraph that I wrote in response to the OP.

Funny how I'm accused of 'hijacking' this thread. If everyone had simply responded to the OP like I did, we wouldn't be having this discussion right now! When addressed, though, I will answer.

Again - glad to answer any questions. Thanks.

Man this relationship is just absolutely insane - a sex addict had an affair (assuming you were the one since your wife is holier than though when it comes to topic of sex) and wife is still with him - thats on her - quit bludgeoning us with your Dr Phil problems - you have some serious serious issues dude

Runner dude 23 wrote:

Man this relationship is just absolutely insane - a sex addict had an affair (assuming you were the one since your wife is holier than though when it comes to topic of sex) and wife is still with him - thats on her - quit bludgeoning us with your Dr Phil problems - you have some serious serious issues dude

We both had them to varying degrees.

Everyone has serious issues, myself included. Most people are not born healthy, apart from physically. It takes a journey to get there. Few people are willing to confront their issues or admit them (or are even self aware enough to know they have them).

Actually you telling me I have series issues keeps me grounded - I have gone through hell and back, much of my own doing, and taken her with me. Yet where we are today is amazing. I cleaned up my life, she got healthy, and we are a team. Sometimes you have to tear something down to build it stronger.

I am not bludgeoning anyone. Just responding to posts since I continue to be accused/questioned.

I kept dating my HS girl friend through college and married her upon graduation. Not a waste of time.