Asked For Father's Blessing To Propose, He said...

Why the hell do you need a "father's blessing"? Are you both consenting adults? Is this the Victorian Era?

Grow up. If you two want to get married, do it.

That's messed up.

I mean that whole asking for your daughter's hand thing is just about respect - more like saying I'm going to marry your daughter - not literally asking if you can marry her.

If he's married to her mother, he probably needs to talk it over with her.

Even if he's not married to her mother, he still probably needs to talk it over with her mother.

This kind of control can be dangerous, as daughters turn into their mothers. Are you sure you're ready for this?

This past weekend I was asked the same question. Did he say anything else? Did he ask if you talked to his daughter about it? I personally thought it was a real sign of respect and was touched (although I'm much older, truthfully, I never asked my wife's dad for permission).

Really this guy is a real jerk. Are you sure you want to marry into this family?

He said he needed to talk her mom about it so they are on the same page. Really that was about it. So I am awaiting an awkward conversation.

We aren't kids so I was merely doing it as a nice gesture. I also asked because I planned to ask when we went home over the holidays. I didn't want to just drop this on the family so I figured I would run it by them first.

I don't want to come off the wrong way but I wouldnt see any reason of them to disapprove of me. Good job, good family, don't drink/smoke, etc. Maybe because it's only been just over a year?

Bizarre.

Trying to be as charitable as possible, what I'm hoping happened was this: He was a bit surprised and hadn't really given a ton of thought to the two of you getting married. (A bit odd, I know. Did you ask him to meet you for lunch and say, "there's something I want to talk to you about" or something like that? Or did you just find a quiet moment at Thanksgiving with their family?) If he was in fact surprised, then one decent option for him was to just reflexively say yes, because he knows he has no real say in the matter. But I can understand how someone would want to be able to answer that question with a bit more certainty, conviction, enthusiasm, etc. Giving him the time to reflect on you and on your relationship with his daughter, means that he gets the opportunity to give your blessing wholeheartedly, which I imagine would be a pretty nice feeling for a father.

On the other hand, he might be a jerk.

Popful Mail wrote:

Why the hell do you need a "father's blessing"? Are you both consenting adults? Is this the Victorian Era?

Grow up. If you two want to get married, do it.

QFE

Of course, I'm not engaged or married.

NYU Runn3r wrote:

He said he needed to talk her mom about it so they are on the same page. Really that was about it. So I am awaiting an awkward conversation.

We aren't kids so I was merely doing it as a nice gesture. I also asked because I planned to ask when we went home over the holidays. I didn't want to just drop this on the family so I figured I would run it by them first.

I don't want to come off the wrong way but I wouldnt see any reason of them to disapprove of me. Good job, good family, don't drink/smoke, etc. Maybe because it's only been just over a year?

Do they have family money/old money or something you may not know about?

He probably likes the other guy that asked her to marry him better.

He's probably having doubts as to the wisdom of taking on a son who asked him for permission to marry his daughter.

I made a point to talk with the wife's parents before the engagement. I remember their reaction as very low-key and casual but of course they said they approved. In actuality they were very impressed that I had offered this courtesy and show of respect and I heard about it repeatedly at the wedding. The gesture has paid off in spades during the marriage since the in-laws now love me.

As for the father saying he'd get back to you - ahhhh, my guess is that the guy is a bit socially awkward? If he really didn't like you I feel he would have gone through a series of questions in an effort to discourage the whole thing. In the long view your actions can only be interpreted as a plus rather than a minus.

Yoer, you on the NYU team?

Damn man.

Why's he gotta be so rude?

Don't ask questions if you don't want honest answers.

Fathers of college-aged women can't be expected to revel in the news of an impending engagement. Marriage at that young of an age is a threat to her independence, career aspirations and goals. Her father sounds like a normal, loving man who is expressing his well-founded reservations about your proposal.

My wife's brother asked out of respect and the parents said no. They didn't want their daughter in a mixed marriage. He essentially told them he was going to marry their daughter whether they liked it or not and was trying to make a kind gesture by asking.

They've been married for 15 years, have 3 kids and the parents chilled once they realized they would probably not see their daughter again if they kept it up.

Good luck man. He could have said yes, but he had to talk to the mother too. Or something like that. Some people aren't good with the words, hopefully this is the case.

NYU Runn3r wrote:. We actually live together. .

Ahhh- one of those? You want to be viewed as honorable by him? I think your actions speak louder than your words.

Saturday morning jumped out of bed

And put on my best suit

Got in my car and raced like a jet

All the way to you

Knocked on your door with heart in my hand

To ask you a question

'Cause I know that you're an old-fashioned man, yeah

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life?

Say yes, say yes 'cause I need to know

You say I'll never get your blessing 'til the day I die

Tough luck, my friend, but the answer is 'No'

Why you gotta be so rude?

Don't you know I'm human too?

Why you gotta be so rude?

I'm gonna marry her anyway

That's rude.

key take home message wrote:

NYU Runn3r wrote:. We actually live together. .

Ahhh- one of those? You want to be viewed as honorable by him? I think your actions speak louder than your words.

Touché. I didnt think about that.

When we decided to move away and live together it wasn't even a question. They didn't say a word about it so I figured this would of course be no issue. I would have way more of an issue with my unmarried/not engaged daughter moving away and living with her BF. I would think they would want us to be engaged. I actually don't like living with her and not being married or engaged. I was just waiting for a good time to ask.

I'm not sure what I'll do. If he says no, I definitely won't propose at her home during the holidays. I'll just have to push it back and do it just the two of is in s few months I guess.