How much money did your parents give you for college?

Thanks Flagpole. I knew the colleges could do whatever they wanted. I didn't know that they couldn't touch IRAs.

older than dirt wrote:

Flagpole wrote:Yeah, that's BS. Fine to not pay for college, but then you get no say whatsoever if they go or not. You can decide to take them out of the will or shun them which are both dick moves, but you get no say.

Straw man argument. No one said anything about removing from the will or shunning. A mother's disappointment is strong enough motivation.

I see you giving financial advice on this message board all of the time. I highly doubt you will avoid giving your adult children financial advice even though you don't support them.

NOT a straw man argument at all. Just recognizing that she MAY have some monetary power of those children of hers, but of course that's only if they let the money be the power. I know a guy from a SUPER wealthy family, and they wanted him to study a certain thing in college, but he refused, so they cut him off...trust fund, eventual multi-million dollar inheritance, etc. He stuck to his guns. Respect that guy.

And, I disagree that a mother's disappointment in this area is strong enough motivation. She must not want the kids to go to college very badly if she's not willing to even help pay for it. Just BS to tell a kid you won't pay for college for them but that you expect them to go. If you can't afford to send them to college, fine, but then you say that you hope they can find a way to do it...work and save try to make it happen, but to tell them you EXPECT them to go when you aren't willing to help is a dick move.

As for your last paragraph, I have no idea what it is you are trying to say. Are you saying that when they are adults and self-supporting that I won't be able to stop myself from giving them financial advice? If that's what you're saying, you are dead wrong, brother. I've already talked to them about financial responsibility, and my daughter (the oldest one) is interested in the topic and asks questions from time to time. I've already told them both that once they are adults, I will NOT give life advice of any kind unless I really see that they are struggling (of an intervention type level) or unless they ask for it.

Flagpole, your position is: "Just BS to tell a kid you won't pay for college for them but that you expect them to go. If you can't afford to send them to college, fine, but then you say that you hope they can find a way to do it...work and save try to make it happen, but to tell them you EXPECT them to go when you aren't willing to help is a dick move."

My observation: Over half the country can't afford to pay their kids way through college. It is pathetic that you criticize parents from low and middle socio-economic families for telling their kids to go to college.

Flagpole, let's do an experiment. At dinner tonight ask your family if they ever hear you admit you are wrong. No, your opinion does not count. Also, take a writing class. Your use of vulgarity is not persuasive.

1) A parent who cannot afford or refuses to pay for college has NO RIGHT to lay an expectation on a kid that they need to go to college. What the hell? The parent can't afford it but expects the kid to? That is total BS and a failing in that adult. A parent in that situation should be supportive of their kids' effort to go to college if that's what the kid wants to do and to be proud of them for eventually accomplishing that, but to tell them that it is expected is beyond crap. VERY poor parenting.

2) Ha! In my house I may be the wisest, but I am not the smartest, so I have been shown to be wrong (and gladly admitted so) many times. I do that HERE even...frequently. I submit to you that I have admitted being wrong more than anyone else here.

3) Regarding writing, vulgarity has its place, and while we could perhaps disagree that the use of "BS" is or is not vulgar, it makes the point very clear, ESPECIALLY coming from me since I use that kind of language so infrequently.

4) Parents who can not afford college or simply who do not want to pay for college (they have that right) certainly do not have to help a child pay for college. No kid is guaranteed to have college paid for them. But, that's a long way away from them telling that kid that they expect them to go to college. Again for emphasis...that is complete and utter BS.

My estimate is about $30k. I worked summers before F, S and J years to head into the year with about 5k. Parents covered the remaining 10k or so for those three years. After Junior and Senior year I worked 6 mo. paid internships and was able to pay myself through senior and 5th year. Just in time for my parents to start helping my brother with about the same situation. Came away with no debt and was able to start saving right away. My wife and I are 26 without school debt but do have a mortgage and have poured 30k into remodeling our house so far since the start of the year... No doubt could have paid my parents back some if we hadn't bought the house but they are doing fine and enjoy seeing us moving forward in life with a manageable house payment as our only debt.

This idea that we somehow become financially dependent from our parents at 18 and are only responsible adults when we support ourselves 100% is always funny to me. Did people factor in health insurance, your own car insurance, phone bill, the clothes you wear, even what minimal furniture you have from home in calculating what their parents paid? (Some of those things were paid for by my parents well into college). The process of true self support is a long transition in the majority of middle to upper class cases. I am going to want to help my children as much as I can, hopefully that means they will be able to afford to start supporting themselves soon after or even during college like myself. I am always thankful for parents that didn't tell me "when you turn 18 and go to college I don't want to give any more money towards helping you become as successful as possible".

Flagpole, let's say a POOR family has a daughter who is HS valedictorian, 4.0 GPA, near perfect scores on ACT and SAT, and state champion in the 1600m.

Your position is this girls parents have no right to say they EXPECT their daughter to go to college. I say poo poo to that. Note my careful use of vulgarity to make a point just like you! :-)

A highly-motivated kid like this EXPECTS to go to college, in part because her parents instilled that high achievement expectation from an early age. My kids will not consider the option of not going to college. Their mother and I have developed this expectation in them. Our dilemma is they want to go to Stanford or MIT while we want them to go to affordable state schools.

Do you EXPECT your adult children to be contributing members of society, EXPECT them to obey the law, EXPECT them to be self-sufficient and treat you respectfully? Flagpole, you are on the slippery EXPECTATION slope. Before long you'll EXPECT them to work hard at some job or... gulp... go to college.

None

patti wrote:

As an at home mom, I told my kids that as a parent I wanted to give them what I could afford. I had time. That is what I could afford. And the fifty dollars a month comes out of grocery money ( I use coupons) and I do send care packages on a regular basis. I do what I can do.

Now given that thought, I do not know what I would have done if I was a millionaire.

My kids know that they are loved by mom and dad. And we in turn I receive their love.

My hubby and I are there for our kids.

50 dollars a month? So you send your kids $1.66 per day. How generous of you. I'd mail that shit right back to you.

wealthy dad wrote:

50 dollars a month? So you send your kids $1.66 per day. How generous of you. I'd mail that shit right back to you.

Thanks, I was hoping one of Flagpole's kids would contribute to this thread.

abu akbar wrote:

Probably around $40k as well.

Growing up, we were very cheap. Many of my friends had every gaming console imaginable. They got generous presents for Christmas every year, and lived in larger houses than I did. When they got to college, their parents paid nothing. So now I realized where they got that money from.

I do feel sorry for those whose parents valued "keeping up with the Joneses" and buying their kids expensive toys over education.

Very well said

___________________

I was not expected to go to college. I did not go to college - initially. I did go to college in my mid 20's, and then left for promotions, etc. and it took me almost 10 years to get my BS, and only 2 to get my MS.

I want to say I see no problem with Flagpole's opinion. what's wrong with hoping or more to it, expecting your kid to try to get good grades and go to college?

Even if you can not afford to pay for their education?

Older than dirt, do you think if your parents do pay, then you have no obligation or need to go?

You then, are the problem with this country. Take responsibility for yourself. I paid for my education myself. so did thousands of others. Whoopee. I can not stand people who think that if someone else doesn't pick up the tab, then why bother?

As a former teacher, I used to tell a good student that "you owe it to yourself to go to college..and you will regret it if you don't..."

What's wrong with having expectations of someone without paying for the expectations?

Mick Lovin wrote:As a former teacher, I used to tell a good student that "you owe it to yourself to go to college..and you will regret it if you don't..."

What's wrong with having expectations of someone without paying for the expectations?

I agree with you.

They told me to make money with my farts

... they paid for one semester.

I worked, and paid for the rest.

For you guys and gals just out of HS, never underestimate the value of your local community college(s).

Like I said...we do what we can do. And you sir seem to be an ungrateful \"wealthy dad\".

I didn\'t make a ton of money when I ran professionally and being an at home mom does not make cash. My husband does the best he can do to provide for his family who love him deeply.

We have always strived to be the best parents we can be. And giving our kids the best of what we have...well, thankfully they are wonderful receivers and appreciate all we can and have done for them.

And sir if ever a gift was returned, you would not receive another.

My parents gave me $0, and I think that was harsh. I learned about lessons about money that something would have helped.

Flagpole,

What do you think of 529 savings plans? Should we instead do a Roth IRA for our offspring instead? Does it hurt to do both?

Will 529 savings plans count against you for financial aid?

Thanks,

My parents gave me 44k. With how fast college tuition is going up I can't imagine how I'll be able to help my kids in ~30 years. Might be cheaper to go to university overseas.

1) The POOR person in your example WILL go to college for FREE either with as a Questbridge Scholar or to any of the many colleges that would accept her and give her a full ride based on all of that. I will submit that in this case, it is fair to expect that kid to take advantage of that opportunity. HOWEVER, the expectation should NOT be levied on a kid before that kind of achievement has been achieved...IF it is assumed it will cost money and IF the parent will not help pay.

2) IF the KID expects to go to college, that is different. Fine for a parent to expect their kid to be the best student they can be as that does not require money to be spent or debt to be incurred. Once they do that though, then if the parents aren't paying for college and no free ride is in the cards, then the parents have NO RIGHT to EXPECT they go to college. They can hope and perhaps even help the kid figure out how to make it happen, but they have no right to expect...NONE.

3) I'm fine with expectations, but the expectations you mentioned do not require the outlay of money on their part. If one of my kids came to me and said they wanted to open a surf shop on the beach, then I would wish them well and hope they were happy. The drive they both have in the classroom and in athletics is all their own. THEY OWN that drive and therefore can not rebel against it, and it feeds their Ego (Freud's structural model of the psyche use there).

broke nigas wrote:

I'm 26 and my parents didn't contribute anything towards my college education. That includes food, clothes, gas, etc. I was completely on my own. The only reason I made it through was thanks to a full academic scholarship, a partial track scholarship, student loans, and working 2 nights each week and all day Sunday. However, everyone else I knew received some kind of aid from their parents. Many parents contributed partially towards tuition, but just about all received either a credit card or an allowance each week for food, gas, and other "essentials". Today, it is near impossible to go through college on your own without assistance from parents. I made it, but I didn't have any luxuries, I didn't get to eat out, and I was always scraping by.

You are very fortunate, but it is also fairly normal.

If you feel this is TL;DR then at least read the last paragraph

Flagpole I understand where you are coming from. My parents made a lot of money and because of it, I didn't qualify for ANY financial aid. However, they didn't spend a penny on me after I graduated high school. Being completely on your own and having to finance college in today's world is very hard to do. As you can see above, I had to work hard just to get by and that was with 2 scholarships and loans. My academic scholarship covered tuition. Athletic covered some of the fees associated. Loans helped covered the remaining fees, books, and rent. People underestimate how much fees are for college. It's a big hidden cost. On top of school and track (which I'm sure most of you know how time consuming those 2 can be) I had to work 20 hours a week at minimum wage just to get by. That covered gas, food, insurance, cell phone, internet, utilities, and everything else.

Now if my parents made significantly less, I would have received financial aid. Along with my scholarships, that would easily cover tuition, books, fees, and room and board. The only thing left would be gas, cell phone, and insurance. I wouldn't have had to work nearly 20 hours a week and I wouldn't have had to take out ANY student loans.

The current financial aid system is set up ASSUMING your parents are going to PAY a DETERMINED AMOUNT of MONEY depending on how much they make. And because of this, the cost of college has been inflated making it impossible to afford without aid (either from the school or from your parents). So if your parents did not save up enough money to meet that demand, then you're stuck footing the bill. So it's not that some kid feels entitled and he "deserves" money from his parents. It's that these institutions feel entitled and they "deserve" money from some kids parents.