Reasons to Not Have Kids

7. I'm too selfish to sacrifice my own time.

no kids wrote:

I'm leaning towards not having kids. Can anyone who has decided not to have kids share why you made that decisions.

So far I've come up with this list.

Reasons not to have kids:

1. No free time

2. Too expensive to raise (college tuition, general costs)

Why do you need any reasons beyond the first two? Kids are expensive and limit your free time (and money to do things in that free time). Some people find that this is a worthwhile trade-off. Other people don't. If you don't want to have kids then there is no reason to justify that decision to anybody but yourself.

They are annoying as shit.

Having kids is not your personal obligation to the world. If you don't want them, then don't have them. However my impression is that many men change their minds when they get married and their wife really wants kids...

We didn't have them partly b/c we met a little too late in life (well, I was 30 when we met, we were married when I was 34). And I actually believe that endurance exercise might affect fertility, so distance running wasn't helping the baby-making situation. We didn't try not to have kids, but we didn't try very hard to have them, either.

But I think really we are happy with the decision most of the time. They are expensive and we really *really* value our free time.

OTOH, we miss things like Christmas mornings with kids, and family time/holidays when we are older will not be as enjoyable most likely. So it's a tough Q.

If you are male, and you are young, most likely I'm guessing you will change your mind.

Mr. Obvious has THE correct answer. Good job Mr. Obvious. Thread over.

Mr. Obvious wrote:

no kids wrote:

I'm leaning towards not having kids. Can anyone who has decided not to have kids share why you made that decisions.

So far I've come up with this list.

Reasons not to have kids:

1. No free time

2. Too expensive to raise (college tuition, general costs)

Why do you need any reasons beyond the first two? Kids are expensive and limit your free time (and money to do things in that free time). Some people find that this is a worthwhile trade-off. Other people don't. If you don't want to have kids then there is no reason to justify that decision to anybody but yourself.

I'm 40. Never wanted kids. Don't have them. I love my freedom and hear nothing but gripes and complaints from all my friends who have them. I'm not saying it's wrong to have them, but I sure as hell am glad I don't.

bootsie wrote:

I'm 40. Never wanted kids. Don't have them. I love my freedom and hear nothing but gripes and complaints from all my friends who have them. I'm not saying it's wrong to have them, but I sure as hell am glad I don't.

Sounds like your friends are f***ing awful people.

I love my kids and would never gripe about them.

lalala wrote:

However my impression is that many men change their minds when they get married and their wife really wants kids...

This is my impression as well. If the O.P. is set that he doesn't want to have kids then it is important that he share that with people he dates and that if he marries that he chooses somebody who shares this value.

My boys can swim! My boys can swim!

If you don't want children, do not have them. It is a personal choice and one should never comment or question another on their reproductive decisions.

I have children and I am very happy that I do.

haha YO wrote:

They are annoying as shit.

That made me laugh!

Not Awful Man wrote:

Sounds like your friends are f***ing awful people.

I love my kids and would never gripe about them.

I actually have several friends who complain often about their kids, too. But then they say that they wouldn't trade them for anything, just that they can be annoying.

Kids used to really annoy me, and they still do when they are strangers screaming in a restaurant or something, but after getting to know the kids of family members and friends, I have softened a little on the subject. If you give children a little attention on a repeated basis, they can really be wonderful.

OTOH, I have one friend who I think really is a great person who has told me many times that if people are being honest, they will tell you that they are jealous that you don't have kids. And she says things like "trivia night is just an excuse for us to get away from our kids!" She said it was really bad when they were young because she couldn't do anything without them being right on top of her--even going to the bathroom in peace was out of the question! That sounds horrible to me. Call me cruel/rude/horrible, but I kind of like using the bathroom by myself.

Maybe her view is different than yours b/c she is a stay at home home w/24/7 responsibilities.

Mr. Obvious wrote:

Why do you need any reasons beyond the first two? Kids are expensive and limit your free time (and money to do things in that free time). Some people find that this is a worthwhile trade-off. Other people don't. If you don't want to have kids then there is no reason to justify that decision to anybody but yourself.

+1000

Spot on. If you don't want kids, you SHOULDN'T have kids.

I see the decision to not have kids as being on the same level of reasoning as why I'm not a doctor. Being a doctor never interested me and I had other things that I preferred to do with my life. But I never had to sit down and make a list of good reasons to not be a doctor, although I could come up with some. And likewise, I recognize that there are good things that I could have done as a doctor that I can't do now, but that it no way diminishes the fact that I can do a different set of good things with my life that a doctor wouldn't have the time and might not have the ability for.

Not wanting kids is a perfectly good reason in itself. The reason to have kids is because you truly want to parent a child. If you really have that desire, then being with that child is how you'll WANT to spend your time and money. Not saying that it will always be easy or that you'll never wish for time for yourself, but people find the time to do the things they truly want to do. If wanting to parent a child isn't a real desire of yours, figure out what you would like to be doing. Presumably you have time, and you can always reconsider.

A bad reason for wanting kids is because you think it'll make you more mature or less selfish. Kids aren't a self-improvement project, and immature people shouldn't have kids in the hopes that it will change them.

That is a pretty good reply.

My wife and I are starting a family in a month, I'm 42 and she is almost 44, Twin Girls!

Married just over 8 years agao and we had a lot of freedom, traveled the world, memories; don't regret a moment.

We will still have our free time and I can't wait to travel with my family.

I just couln't imagine leaving this world without a piece of me behind, guess that is sort of selfish in a way, which is ironic, compared to the first 5 years where I really did not want a family because I was selfish. People change and change is a good thing.

One thing some of you guys are forgetting on here- You were once kids.

Not Awful Man wrote:

Sounds like your friends are f***ing awful people.

I love my kids and would never gripe about them.

Actually, my friends are awesome people. They just realized too late that they didn't actually want kids. Don't get me wrong, they are all really good parents, but I hear an awful lot of bellyaching about how hard/expensive/demoralizing it is to raise kids in today's world.

7. Lack of sleep

8. Vomit, poop, and more!

9. Whining and crying

10. Increased stress levels

11. Must set a good example, so no more farting and swearing

12. Can't take vacations where you want to go without housing them somewhere.

Surprise! wrote:

7. I'm too selfish to sacrifice my own time.

I've never understood the mindset that not having children is selfish. Many parents I know have children for selfish reasons (I want a baby!). Anyone who considers having children a "sacrifice" should not have children.