first love/hs girlfriend wants me back, 7 years later

Get her to break up with the guy in China and then after that you should break up with her. She sounds like a slut though so she probably will just find another guy in a few days at some bar.

Why did you hook up with a girl you have absolutely zero attraction to?

hartbroken wrote:

i don't want to be cruel at all, my motive is not vengeance, but she needs to get taught a lesson.

lol don't go around trying to teach people lessons. thats lame. just man up and tell her whats up. Say "hey, you have a boyfriend, we can't do this". Leave it at that.

Or if you MUST go on, say "you're smoking hot, but the fact that you are cheating is gross and unattractive. i'm not doing this"

i hooked up with her again because i wasn't sure how i felt about her. and i was drunk! now i know how i feel.

maybe teaching a lesson was the wrong word. i just feel bad for future guys who she will cheat on/with if the cycle is not stopped. maybe telling her what you said will be enough though

Leave another load or two inside her, then walk away. Be safe.

Once a cheater always a cheater...let this be a lesson to the ignorant

asdfsadfasdf wrote:

Get her to break up with the guy in China and then after that you should break up with her. She sounds like a slut though so she probably will just find another guy in a few days at some bar.

The only downside of this plan is the dude in china gets a raw deal. Of course he is getting a raw deal as it is, he just doesn't know it yet. Otherwise, I love this plan as it is something that I almost pulled off as a younger single man.

Future guys can handle themselves, probably a lot better than you're doing. It's not your job to "stop the cycle" for men everywhere. So, does she have an email address?

hartbroken wrote:

i just feel bad for future guys who she will cheat on/with if the cycle is not stopped. maybe telling her what you said will be enough though

The gal is nothing but bad news.....sounds like you can find yourself a much better gal.

elroy21 wrote:

Why did you hook up with a girl you have absolutely zero attraction to?

Its not going to suck itself!

If the sex is good and you're unattached, keep her around as a Fcuk Buddy for a while. If you think she's going to go postal on you, walk away...immediately. I would only "teach her a lesson" if you still harbor ill will towards her and if you think you can handle the inevitable chaotic aftermath.

Nothing good will come from this situation at all. You slept with her once, relived some memories - now say goodbye.

Burns 3 wrote:

Once a cheater always a cheater...let this be a lesson to the ignorant

I would not necessarily agree with this, my ex GF had admitted to cheating on some of her past boyfriends and I knew she was completely faithful to me for a year and a half. She had learned her lesson in the past being caught up with all the unnecessary BS that is associated with that and wanted to change and she did. I basically broke it off though just because i wanted different things and to see other people.

She sounds like she may have HPD or BPD. Best avoided. You might think about why it is that you were (and clearly still are) interested in engaging with this woman.

A word of advice from someone older than you: life is much too short to go around "teaching a lesson" to other people. It doesn't pay well. You'll do better, and be much happier, if you live your own life.

You should just say "no" this time..and I'm not a guy who often recommends that.

You are still in love with her, stop kidding yourself

Never go back!

geezer24 wrote:

Leave another load or two inside her, then walk away.

Be safe.

I think your two sentences contradict each other.

hartbroken wrote:

my motive is not vengeance, but she needs to get taught a lesson.

Hilarious.

Look, you either like her and want to see her or you don't.

It has nothing to do with teaching her a lesson (which kind of shows your flame is still burning bright for her and you're hurting that she left you 7 years ago), or if she has/had a bf in china.

Also, don't be such a control freak. If she is seeing someone else then that is her choice. Her life is her life not yours.

This isn't easy to do, as emotional attachments with first loves can be strong. But re-kindling this relationship sounds dubious. This woman sounds like she wants to be the center of attention - all of the time - and with her boyfriend gone - she turns to you for that attention. One way or another you will be suffering with insecurities, and it is you, not her, who will end up being taught a lesson. Have some humility.

I have posted before on this subject, and the dating world for young guys - particularly educated young guys with a lot on the ball - is not what it seems. Yes, the numbers are in your favor, and the numbers situation - if you are an honest guy who works hard - only gets better as you get older. But the picture in reality is far different. For whatever reason, I find only 1 in 20 (maybe subject to argument) of women are ones that guys can grow and develop with without taking on endless emotional baggage and putting in more than will be returned. That 1 in 20 is not riven with insecurities, gets guys and their antics with their friends, is comfortable with them, is secure in her own femininity and self, and doesn't need to be the center of attention to be happy. Moreover, that 1 in 20 also invariably has solid girlfriends, and isn't competitive and catty with them (a sure sign of whether a woman is insecure). The problem is that the 1 in 20 get taken out of the market early - there are guys out there who know them when they see them and intuit how much better life can be with a 1 in 20 type woman (this element far surpasses looks and so on - especially when you factor in just how much work a long term relationship can be) and make sure they keep them. Hartbroken, go out and try and find that 1 in 20 - someone who can grow with, rather than try and teach an old flame a lesson.