When to consider proposing/marriage?

;lkajsdf;lkajsf wrote:

My question is, is a relationship of a little over 1.5 years (~20 months) too short to consider proposing?

No it is not too short. You sound mature & if you communicate well then 1.5 years should be plenty of time to know if she is the one.

Be sure to invest in quality pre marital counseling as well.

I think it is probably a little too early to think about that sort of stuff. If I were you, I'd spend at least a year together and try to live with her for 6 months before you propose. 20 months is plenty of time to get to know someone before a proposal, but 6 months of a relationship, if it has progressed at a normal pace, is probably too little to realistically consider proposing. Chances are very good that you still have lots of things to learn about her that may effect how you view her.

If you have to ask this question, then don't do it. When you don't need anyone's input because you don't have any doubts yourself, then you're good to go.

Dude Im in there with you, but have 2 more years until residency and have been together with my gf for a while. What are you thinking you'll match into? Likely to stay in CA? It could depend on that. You worried at all about the hours you'll be working at the start of your marriage? If it were me I'd lock her in sooner than later, because being married during residency makes it seem (at least to me and from what i've heard) that the relationship will last. You could lose her easier if your doing IM 80+ hours a week and not yet engaged/married.

Why do you want to get married?

You are going to be a doctor. You will be exposing a huge amount of assets. Just be aware of that. What is the potential spouse bringing to the table? Is she willing to sign a pre-nup?

Mr. Obvious wrote:

Why do you want to get married?

You are going to be a doctor. You will be exposing a huge amount of assets. Just be aware of that. What is the potential spouse bringing to the table? Is she willing to sign a pre-nup?

Exactly my thoughts....pre nup.

Marriage is an open-ended contract - a pre-nup helps keep it fair.

I dated my gf for 19 months before proposing (we lived together for about 9 of those 19 months). We've been married for six months and so far so good :)

Poor bitch

My parents married at age 28 and only dated for 6 months. In May they will be celebrating their 32nd anniversary. So I think you are fine with your timetable.

The 1.5 years isn't the big issue.

It's how well she'll handle being with a doctor in training. How well can she handle being by herself even though you'll be living together. Can she handle you just coming home to sleep or not coming home at all? Even worse if you end up in some boondock town in the middle of nowhere.

I refused to let my then GF (now wife) move in with me when I worked in Bakersfield because I knew she would get super homesick there and I wouldn't have the time to keep her entertained.

Probably best to wait until after your 2nd year of residency when you're a little higher on the residency totem pole and then you'll have a little bit more flexibility with your schedule. It also gives her a chance to back out and go back home to live while you finish up your residency.

Also just make sure a big part of why she is with you is because you'll be a doctor. Hopefully she finds you funny and charismatic and would be with you if you were a school teacher. The last thing you want is for her to leverage "putting up with your residency" into controlling your marriage.

I met my husband when he just finished up medical school and started his internship. We dated for two years (lived together for one year), engaged for 10 months before getting married few months later.

The spouse definitely has to be independent and have a career of her/his own. It helps if you both work in the same area to understand their workload.

I would say residency was the hardest to be in a relationship and we have been married for 15 years now.

If I wanted to marry a doctor for the 'sake' of his status, I could have done that during my training in college--I was actually dating an intern at the time and he was willing to follow me to my out of state job when I finished school but I wasn't willing and wasn't ready to commit.

When you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, you will know and you will do what you can to keep the relationship or marriage alive.

It's not always the easy road, we've had our ups and downs but it can work.

Best of luck to you.

First date Friday, February 13 - We both had other dates planned for the 14th, with others....But we moved in together on the morning of the 14th, so.....We were going to get married within a week, but the lady's father had a heart attack (not as a result of our relationship; he hadn't been told) so we put the ceremony off for a couple of months.

That was forty-one years ago, and we're still married.

When it's the right time and the right woman, you will know.