Today was not a good run. Reading on might make you feel sick.
I woke up at 6:45. I had to drive my wife to the train station, its about a 30 min round trip. I had a pal staying and I didn’t want to wake him up by going back into the house, so I wore running gear so I could run straight from the car when I got home. My stomach felt quite full before I left the house. I managed a small motion prior to leaving the house, but no real action. I guess during the drive things were happening down there but I didn’t pay it much attention. I got back from the station at about 7:40. I was conscious of a need, but it by no means seemed urgent. Basically I knew nature would call during the run, but I like to commune with nature, so I thought I would run to the woods (25 mins) and offload there.
The run started well. Legs good after a day off yesterday. However, within 5 minutes, the need to go became urgent. After 7 minutes it was very very urgent. I had to stop running and then stand still because I thought I would lose control.
Previous experience has taught me that a tactical release of gas at this point can ease the pressure. I tried this but it was mistake. A hot jet of liquid escaped. I wasn’t too bothered by this in itself but it meant I was dealing with a bigger problem than I thought. I was in a reasonably busy residential street. A few passers by and overlooked by about twenty houses. Half a mile away was a park. The woods may as well have been on another continent. I tried to make a move for the park. I started to run. I immediately had to stop. My ring was twitching furiously. I then had to sit on the pavement. I was pouring with sweat.
I thought then about doing it between two parked cars. I really should have done that. However, I was worried about being seen from one of the houses (I had been hanging around the street for too long already and for all I knew a work colleague lived there). I was also a bit embarrassed about leaving such a mess. I knew that it would be big. And wet. But not doing this was a mistake.
Between spasms I stood up and started gingerly for the park. I got within 200m. I can’t exactly describe what happened next but basically my shorts were full of shit. I don’t really know how it happened but there you have it. All I remember is a mixture of pain and humiliation mixed with blessed relief. There was a courting couple waiting for a bus nearby. I made it past them while they were looking the other way. At this stage I thought I could get to the park, offload the burden from my shorts (I fondly imagined it would have a shape) and go home. I believed the burden to be substantially contained within the inner lining of my shorts. I got to a corner of the park under some bushes (it’s a small park and I was not well concealed). I looked down and was astonished at what I saw. The entire inside of each thigh was covered in shit, from groin to knee. It could not be removed from my shorts (too wet). I made a frankly entirely futile effort to wipe it off my legs with grass and succeeded in smearing it all over my legs and hands. Pulling the shorts back up was a real low point. It dropped onto my shoes and socks. My gloves somehow got covered. My keys had to be carried home in my soiled hands. I then had to get a mile home without anyone seeing. It’s hard to feel good about yourself when you are crouched behind a parked car, hiding from your neighbour because you are covered in shit.
Mercifully I made it into the house and into the shower without anyone seeing (I think). Cleaning and binning operations took circa 1 hour.