Hanging on to an old flame

just move on and see what happens. I had a similar situation we broke up after 3 years, it wasn't a civil breakup either and ended with alot of fights and hurt feelings on both sides afterwards. After about 3 months I started dating around again and finally had time to hook up with a few other ladies I always wanted to, then I began a serious relationship with someone else, it was great but I still never forgot about my old flame. I dated the new chick for a few months and ended up running into my old flame out of nowhere, we had lunch and talked and we both seemed to be doing good, but I could tell there was still something between us, and me and my new gf ended up breaking up. So i started hanging out with my old flame as friends and it was cool, then we got back together and we've been together ever since then and even have a son, things are wayyyy better now than they ever were before as well. so just let it go man and see what happens, you guys may end up back together unexpectedly after all, if not, move on.

yes you have mangina issues..

cliche "grow a pair" mean anything?

Your problem appears to stem largely from you being a little bitch.

I had a similar situation upon graduation. Since then, I've had sex with 30 or so women. Who knows. I usually date 3 different women during the week for 2 or 3 month cycles.

I don't even remember what that old flame was like.

In short, you have oneitis. Jeezus, you're 26 years old not 40. It's not time to get desperate. You will only increase in attractiveness with the opposite sex until you are 35-40.

Get her to send nude photos, move on, then masturbate to her for the rest of your life.

All I know is that my ex told me to throw away all the homemade porno and I didn't...after I said I did, because I thought 'what the hell, if we split, I'm out all the good stuff'. She found out I didn't and split. And I was right, I would have been out all the good stuff and her a** is getting schtupped somewhere else. Eff that beotch. Now, should I settle down, then yeah, all the old flames go out the window, but on my own terms, on my own schedule.

From the girl's perspective...

Even if she isn't returning your phone calls and texts, her message is clear. Maybe I should say especially if she isn't returning your calls and texts her message is clear.

Let it go. Go out, meet girls, have fun, be safe. Life goes on, and if it is meant to work out, it will. There are way too many people out there looking for awesome guys to have fun with to pass up this opportunity to live your life as a single man.

Best of luck.

Read this and then make your decision: http://www.laddertheory.com/

To the serious posters,

It dfinitely seems like the message is clear. Right now, she has zero interest in me and it's getting worst by the day.

But if I move on, won't that put the nail in the coffin? Do I have a better chance of getting her back by unobtrusively remaining friends with her?

I read the whole ladder theory stuff and while there's some truth to it, I think it oversimplifies things.

Symptom: You can't have a direct conversation with her.

Diagnosis: It's over.

Dude, I hate to tell you, but she has broken up with you. No, she's not coming back...that's for the movies. There's no reason to be friends with her either. I maintain that pretty much it never works (unless one of you is gay or are separated by 1000 miles or something like that), and it ESPECIALLY won't work for you since you still love her.

AND, just so you know, there's no ending a relationship on ambiguous terms. That's just your hope coming out. She did it as softly as she could...she doesn't want to be with you anymore, but she didn't want to be mean about it; she ended it. Not trying to be mean here brother...you just need to know what has really happened. It's over. Time to move on and find someone who will return your love. I wish I could give you news you want to hear...but it ain't happening this time brother. Good luck.

actually, as long as you remember her birthday (and perhaps a text "how's your mom? tell her happy b'day"....means you also need to remember the mum's birthday) and any other important days, taht's all you need to do. moving on doesn't mean forgetting about her but it may be the impetus she needs to desire you again. might take a year or two so don't get your hopes up but it sometimes happens. emphasis on SOMETIMES, not always. but, at least this way you get to enjoy the company of other girls in the meantime. go for it kid!

I am in a vaguely similar situation (was deeply in love and broke up), except I was the girlfriend in the relationship. I broke up with him suddenly because he had a lying problem that became revealed, but the first month or so after the break up I still liked the idea of being back together, so I returned his calls and texts and I even hung out with him. Recently I found out his lying was even worse than I thought, so I decided I was completely done with him, and stopped all communication whatsoever.

So in conclusion, from the woman's perspective, if she is not replying to texts then she truly wants nothing to do with you. Stop "persisting," make it easier for both of you and just move on. It is almost impossible to resist the urge to text back an ex you are still somewhat interested in, so if her resolve has been that strong, then you know it's over.

When you tell somoe one that you love them and "act it out" for four years with the utmost sincerity,

what does it say about that love if you can so easily just walk away from the whole thing?

Doesn't that imply you never loved her, or atleast not as much as you professed, if you're able to resist the urge of continuing contact? Then 6 months down the road or whatever, you're in another relationshiop or actively pursuing one?

Why do I feel like a hypocrite doing this? Why do I feel the need to prove to her that I still love her and always will?

I had my heart broken, and had the opportunity to get back together with her. She went as far as to write me a letter saying how dumb she was and how much she wanted me back. I made the decision that I didn't want to be with someone who could so willingly put my through so much pain. Also, I didn't want to be with someone who clearly had difficulty making up her mind. What would happen in 10-20 years when she suddenly isn't "sure" again? I have since met someone knew and couldn't be happier.

Damn, dude. You asked for advice and everyone on here and recommended more or less the same thing. Clearly, you haven't heard what you wanted yet. I can assure you, if she wanted to be with you, you would not have to wonder. Stop making excuses.

I've been in your situation before - well, similar anyway. Was in love, but the girl broke up with me. Despite that, we tried to be friendly. Every time she came over, for several months, we ended up fooling around, but the relationship was clearly over. She started seeing someone else, and I did, too. But, we kept in touch and even fooled around once in a while. This was painful because I was still in love with her. Finally, I decided to just cut her off cold turkey. The pain went away and the new relationship improved. 25 years later, I am happily married to the "new" girlfriend, with kids. In retrospect, as much as I loved the old one, we were not a good fit.

Conclusion: Cut it off completely and move on. It's for your own good.

'but she ended it on ambiguous terms.'

You are dumped, just sends out mixed messages

I see, all romantic illusions be damned. A sad commentary on how we view love. Pragmatism has taken over and we move on from one woman to the next until we find a good fit. Makes love sound like going shopping for the right pair of shoes or researching the right coach/training program. No wonder the divorce rate is so high, men (and women) cheat all over the place, and those who are married are just trying to make it work.