I Need Serious Relationship Advice

Umm remember the relationship is all not about you.

I know its not all about me, which is why I was honest with her about my feelings but told her she needs to make the decision independent of my feelings. However, I do think its a bit unreasonable to go abroad for 16 months when you're in a relationship and discussing when we will get engaged and effectively living with one another.

Let her go overseas. Based on her age and how long you guys have been together, you will gain perspective on each other over 16 months apart. You'll both realize what each other want and need and you can go from there. I have seen several similar situations from 15 month military deployments, if that helps my credibility. Hope that helps and good luck.

Payton, it definitely does help your credibility and I appreciate the advice. And I guess that is one way to look at it. But I'm not "letting" her do anything. She's going to do what she wants and I guess if its meant to be, it will work out.

She must really be in love with you to want to leave the country

You have been dumped

Well, she's not definitely going, but the more I think about it and type some of this out, I tend to think you may be right.

Mos Def wrote:...I really do respect the opinions of some posters, such as Flagpole, etc.

You respect Flagpole's relationship advice?!?

Hahahahahahaha! Thanks you made my day :-)

But if she goes she won't leave until August or September so I don't really know what to do until then. I guess I'm kind of like a lame duck until then.

hahaha... wrote:

Mos Def wrote:...I really do respect the opinions of some posters, such as Flagpole, etc.

You respect Flagpole's relationship advice?!?

Hahahahahahaha! Thanks you made my day :-)

I'm more of a lurker, so I don't often post, but I read a lot of threads and I absolutely respect Flagpole's relationship advice and his views as to what defines a man.

If you don't want to tip off the troll alert you probably shouldn't bring up that man thing again...

wenus wrote:

If you don't want to tip off the troll alert you probably shouldn't bring up that man thing again...

I'm not worried about the troll alert. Nonsense like that is why I rarely post. I'm just a guy who is a bit confused and upset and I'm venting a bit and seeking some advice.

Does Flagpole's "man" worry about his "feelings"? Maybe he checks up on his emotions right after checking on his stocks in the morning.

You are a convenient, orbiting sycophant in her little life story, soon to be discarded. Other than that you are doing fine. Just keep dwelling on and talking about your "feelings" and she'll be irresistably drawn back to you, like a moth to a sweaty sock.

You're only young once and it's her who is still young. Teaching will be good for her. You should give it a break and see if you find somebody else. But offer to be there when she comes back. Do you love her enough to go there and work with her? Or visit?

Vertigo wrote:

Does Flagpole's "man" worry about his "feelings"? Maybe he checks up on his emotions right after checking on his stocks in the morning.

You are a convenient, orbiting sycophant in her little life story, soon to be discarded. Other than that you are doing fine. Just keep dwelling on and talking about your "feelings" and she'll be irresistably drawn back to you, like a moth to a sweaty sock.

Well, I'm only dwelling on my feelings here. I would never be dishonest with her so I did briefly tell her my feelings and then I moved on and told her to make sure she does what is right for her.

As for just being a convenient sycophant, maybe you're right. From everything we talked about and discussed I would have never imagined that, but I guess that could be the case.

doing it wrote:

You're only young once and it's her who is still young. Teaching will be good for her. You should give it a break and see if you find somebody else. But offer to be there when she comes back. Do you love her enough to go there and work with her? Or visit?

This is probably the correct answer here. As for visiting, 16 months is a long time and I don't think that would be good enough. I do love her enough to go there and work with her, but I own a business with a partner and leaving would be difficult.

"I Need Serious Relationship Advice" so I came here to LetsRun.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Cant stop laughing wrote:

"I Need Serious Relationship Advice" so I came here to LetsRun.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Thanks. I've talked the situation out with my partner, but I still have a lot in my head and the advice I'm getting is helpful, minus your post.

Not Flagpole, but quite a bit older than you and on my second marriage. Here is my take from your message:

She is still trying to figure what she wants from her life, not just in a career, but in a relationship as well.

She is not ready for a commitment. If she was concerned about losing the relationship with you she would not leave, or consider leaving.

But she could also throwing out the possibility of going overseas as a test of your commitment. If you are ready to get married and she is not, then it gives her an out. On the other hand, she may be ready and want to see if you are willing to step up to the plate.

Either way, if you have decided she is the one, you need to lay yourself on the line. If that is not what she wants, you can move on and not invest any more with someone that is not in the same place.

Not FP, I think you may be right. But I just don't want to have to give that ultimatum. But I guess it is the only way to know for sure. And I really don't think there is any middle ground, so it really would have to be an ultimatum.