Question for addiction specialist or recovering addicts

is he asking you for money yet?

Jennifer L wrote:

An old friend of mine recently resurfaced after literally disappearing for 13 years. He was what I would call a borderline alcoholic in the past, and says he spent 9 years battling a cocaine addiction...in and out of rehabs and jails - finally an extended hospital stay for the addiction helped him kick it.

Here's my question. He says he has been clean and sober for 4 years but still drinks occasionally. Is this possible? Especially since he had DUI's before losing a decade of his life to coke, what would an addiction counselor say about his occasional driking?

Thanks for any advice at all.

Well, I'll give you a fairly honest answer.

If he had multiple DUIs, he's not borderline, he IS an alcoholic.

Sobriety means that he isn't using coke OR alcohol - unless he's saying that he's sober because he's not using coke anymore.

An addiction counselor would tell him that he shouldn't be drinking.

Now, he can be managing his drinking - but someone with his past, there is no way he should be trying to "manage" it because he's one little stress-moment away from tipping it over again.

I speak from having a bro that is an alcoholic - sober for many years now - and frankly, I didn't know he was an alcoholic because he didn't exhibit some of the more extreme traits....but nonetheless, he's an alcoholic! He went off the wagon a few times by justifying that he was "managing" his intake appropriately, which he did, but then he'd binge on a weekend and blow it.

We addicts tend to like to switch up our drugs of choice--I believe it's part of what some people call the addiction model, ie the pattern of behavior that addicts frequently demonstrate. I'm a recovering alcoholic and would never have touched other drugs with a barge pole even when I was drinking, but if I ever have an injury or surgery that requires narcotics I'll be in a jam because I'm really not going to take those meds--the risks are too great. For me, putting any kind of drug into my system that can risk dependence would be a recipe for disaster. Almost all rehab facilities tolerate caffeine and nicotine, but an addict who puts down one drug only to pick up another is likely heading for a load of trouble...

Get your friend into a 12 step program right away. He needs a sponsor!

I am an alcoholic and drug addict. I have not had a drink or a drug in 5 years.

I don't know if he's an alcoholic or not. Only he knows for sure. There are certain people who get multiple DUI's who are NOT alcoholic. I never got a DUI, but here I am, an alcoholic. :)

If he is able to manage and control the drinking, he is probably just an addict, whose life gets better when he stops using drugs. I know for myself though, a drink/drug/gamble/women are all in the same category. I use them to escape.

So...anywho, there are two questions you/he can use to determine if he is an alcoholic.

1) Does he ever drink more than he intends to?

2) Does he ever drink when he doesn't want to?

If he is, AA is the only solution I have found to work for a true alcoholic.

My 17 year old daughter is a recovering drug and alcohol addict. I have more knowledge about this subject than I ever cared to know. In and out of rehab, wilderness camps, therapeutic boarding schools, IOP's, therapy, and on and on.

I agree what 'Alcoholic here' said: "We addicts tend to like to switch up our drugs of choice."

I have talked to the leading edge people in this field and they all said that you can't use either alcohol or drugs, PERIOD!

I agree, your friend is heading for trouble. Some trigger will put him on the wrong path. He does need counseling, AA and a support group. Best wishes. Maybe, you show him this tread?

At least three cases of addiction in the familial chain:

My dad is a recovered alcoholic, sober for 42 years. AA and prayer keep him clean. Couldn't say if he had/has any other addictions, I doubt he's ever tried drugs.

I'm a recovered alcoholic myself. Quit cold turkey a year ago, have been getting along fine. Never tried drugs. Have switched to too much caffeine, which I consider a lesser evil by far.

My son, a young adult, nearly bottomed out playing around with drugs in his teens. He has fought through it, and with counselling appears to be clean for the past year. He drinks alcohol occasionally, but I'm convinced has kicked the drugs. I worry about whether the alcohol will draw him back down the wrong path, and fear it may, but am leaving him to figure his own path - he seems to be managing successfully for now.

My instinct is that it's likely not good your friend is drinking occasionally, but I suggest there remains some possibility this is OK. I suggest you tell your friend about your concern so he's aware, then leave it be - it's up to him to manage his life. Good luck!

Also... remain wary of your friend's tendency toward dependency, and don't get sucked into enabling him. If he asks for money, politely but firmly refuse. If you ever suspect he's stolen from you, push him firmly to arm's length and report him to the authorities. If it's clear he's fallen off the wagon try to steer him toward help but don't take it on as a personal mission - i't not your life to save, it's his.

Be a friend, a friendly ear, but don't nag/preach. But don't take any shit either. He has the same responsibility for your friendship as you do.

"We addicts tend to like to switch up our drugs of choice."

Seriously this seemed to be the case when I visited a friend while she was in treatment. She said people in there got off the drug they were on but then became gambling addicts or shopping addicts. And just about everyone there smoked non-stop. They were clearly addicted to put sh!t in their mouth.

Tell the person to get addicted to excercise. It will decrease the chance your friend will pick up another DUI or kill someone while driving drunk.