I am in my mid twenties and now that I look back at the way I was raised, I am often baffled at the way my parents raised me. Has anyone else experienced this?
I am in my mid twenties and now that I look back at the way I was raised, I am often baffled at the way my parents raised me. Has anyone else experienced this?
i sometimes feel this way. my parents were by no means bad people and did a lot for me, especially financially (college tuition etc...) but i dont really feel like they shaped me into a person, they never really taught me about morals or meaning or anything like that, nor did we have any common bonds in our lives. i started visiting home less and less throughout college as a result; they just happened to become smaller and smaller parts of my life. when i came home to introduce my girlfriend to them, they treated both of us like outsiders, so i dont go home anymore. occasional email, but thats about it.
if i could go back and change it, i wouldn't though. thats the weird part. im very happy with the person ive become and i actually prefer not having very strong ties to the past (family), as it enables me to live in the moment and in the future more than most 20somethings can.
just use what you learned to be the best dad you can.
I love my parents very much. As far as how they raised me . . . they pretty much let me do my own thing. Not that they weren't interested - we spent a lot of time together, they were always at track meets, all that sort of stuff; just not a lot of "Chairman Wow, do thus and such!" or "Don't do so and so or else!" I seem to have turned out okay.
I don't tend to think that how one raises one's kids has that much effect on them, outside of abuse or neglect.
Check out the article in the weekend Wall Street Journal on how Chinese mothers raise their kids. It's a real eye opener. My parents were far from perfect but I thank God I wasn't raised the Chinese way.
run away wrote:
Check out the article in the weekend Wall Street Journal on how Chinese mothers raise their kids. It's a real eye opener. My parents were far from perfect but I thank God I wasn't raised the Chinese way.
Did you see the article right under it about how the Chinese are moving away from that sort of thing?
Yea I read it but I wonder how accurate the rebuttal article is. Just because parents are buying the books doesnt mean they are following them. Shanghai, Singapore and Hong Kong are pretty much at the top of all the standardized testing lists. That comes with a high cost to the kid. I don't have anything against wanting your kid to do well, but that brutal study regimine crap has to kill creativity and must lead to a lot of suicide. No sports. No drama. Just hours of homework and violin lessons. I'm so thankful I wasn't raised like that. I'm quite happy in my mediocrity.
run away wrote:
Yea I read it but I wonder how accurate the rebuttal article is. Just because parents are buying the books doesnt mean they are following them. Shanghai, Singapore and Hong Kong are pretty much at the top of all the standardized testing lists. That comes with a high cost to the kid. I don't have anything against wanting your kid to do well, but that brutal study regimine crap has to kill creativity and must lead to a lot of suicide. No sports. No drama. Just hours of homework and violin lessons. I'm so thankful I wasn't raised like that. I'm quite happy in my mediocrity.
I don't know if it's accurate - certainly interesting though. I remember reading another article in the Journal, maybe two years ago, about the Finish and their educational methods (it was teachers, not parents, but still interesting). They had been number one in one of those dubious international comparisons of primary education that year. The Finish were very free-wheeling, relaxed, laid back - they made American kindergarten teachers look like drill sergeants! I guess there is more than one way to skin a cat.