Credit Card Debter

Are you getting married? Will you be sharing finances? You definitely should not be getting married or buying property together unless you can talk openly and honestly about finances and you are on the same page.

Does he take you out for dinners, buy you nice gifts and take you on trips? I'm kidding, but sometimes a guy might feel the need to maintain a pace he set while courting a woman he fancies.

Since you've been together for 3 years and you consider this guy for the long run, you should talk to him. But you should approach it with ideas/solutions. For example, suggest some options for lower interest rates or ways to pay down the debt faster. A simple approach could be that you two could agree to eat at home, cut costs, etc... He might be too "proud" to talk about it with you, but if you are interested in the long-term, then you need to work together.

You looked into his personal mail and went out of your way to read all the details: balance and interest rate. Then you posted about it on letsrun instead of talking to him? You should be ashamed of yourself and APOLOGIZE to him.

Run!!!!!!!

You will live a life of foreclosures, creditors calling at all hours and contant moving in the middle of the night to keep from being found.

i got lots

You should start insisting that he not take you out to eat or buy you nice things anymore. If you've been dating for three years, chances are really good that he has spent more than that on you.

Honestly, the right advice is to strongly consider running away from this as a long term relationship. Of course, first verify that he has an issue with overspending his means.

The financial stress that living with someone that can't control their spending will cause you will not just affect your relationship, it will affect all the choices you make your whole life. And, he might see the light and improve for awhile, but this type of behavior always seems to come back.

Does anyone have experience with getting out of debt? Like any kinds of debt consolidation that actually work? I looked on Suze Orman page for some advice. In the past he has told me that he got into some credit card debt while he was in college, so I am hoping maybe he learned and has been on a budget? Not really sure tho.

I have a little bit of experience in getting out of debt. But it was mortgage debt- not credit card.

I understand the previous posts saying "run for your life", etc. It's true that marrying someone with similar spending habits is very important. Actually, I shouldn't say "spending habits". Really, it's a matter of priorities and understanding what you value. It sounds like this guy may have a difficult time prioritizing the things he values. Or maybe he once had a crisis in his life that required him to borrow a lot of money? You should really talk to him before you judge.

That being said, if he truly has a spending problem, then if you want to marry him anyway, he will need to shape up. He'll have to agree that YOU are in charge of the family finances. That YOU are even in charge of HIS money. Read "Smart Couples Finish Rich". It recommends that only ONE person in a marriage be in charge of the finances. Please, read this book, and ask him to read it to. If he wants to be serious with you, then he'll do what you ask. If you're nice about it, of course.

Help him out by working the streets

$17,000 is a lot of credit card debt, but it could be gone quickly if there's focus. Lots of people have that kind of credit card debt and more. It's BAD.Yes you should talk to him about finances. NO, you shouldn't bring up this particular credit card debt.What you do is you say, "if we're to get married down the line, we should know each other's financial picture; debt, obligations (one of you helping a relative who needs it for example), savings, and investments." If he's not ready to talk marriage, then hopefully he will say so. If he wants to talk marriage but wants to keep finances separate, then that's a big problem. Money should be an US thing, not a YOURS and MINE thing.You may discover he has $100,000 in credit card debt on several different cards, or you may discover he had $40,000 and has gotten it down to $17,000 in two years. Also, you may discover he has a trust fund that he gets complete control of at age 35 and at that time he can easily pay off debts and have a nice income stream just from that (I have a friend who was in that situation; must be nice).Good luck.

I was up to $24,000 in credit card debt thanks to law school, a big vet bill (poor thing tore her ACL), landing my first job in a law firm that blew up and a good dose of live now, pay later. It took about three years to turn around the debt and get into good financial shape to buy a house. It took some serious fiscal discipline to get it done. No trips, staying with the rents on vaction, no concerts, no new clothes (unless absolutely necessary), eating out only a few times a month, staying in a small crappy apartment for longer than I would have like, video instead of the theater, and so on.

If your guy is willing to make the changes, you all can get the debt under control and be in good shape. It won't be quick or easy. But it can happen.

Honestly I haven't heard the O.P. say anything about marriage, so the take-away point to me is this: It really is not any of her business at this point. She should avoid moving forward in any direction that might imply that she has some responsibility for the debt (which she may have if they get married, depending on state law).

If this $17,000 is on one card, then he definitely has a problem. I have to run credit reports on prospective renters and it is amazing how many CC companies give NEW accounts to people with absolutely HORRIBLE credit. I am talking about people who had 10-20 cards with perhaps a $1000-1500 limit and these people charge $1500-2000 on these cards (over the credit limit obviously) and the card company shuts their account down and they just NEVER PAY IT. The balance gets "charged off as bad debt" meaning that the rest of us have to pay higher interest rates and fees and sellers have to accept a 1.75% discount rate.

I have seen people who have 10-15 delinquent, closed or sent to collection accounts STILL get new cards with low limits -- I guess the card issuers gamble that they will get some money and get really HEAVY interest charges.

Anyway, if this balance was on just one card, then he has others. If he had good credit and a brain he would have this debt on a 0% interest card or a consumer loan, or not have it at all. He is a compulsive spender ... face that reality right now. He is paying $400 a month in interest on that card FOREVER unless he pays it off.

and to answer this question:

"Or what are his option to get out of debt if I do talk to him?"

His options are to pay them back the $17,000 that they gave him to enjoy things he could not afford to pay for himself or declare bankruptcy.

He can try $1500 a month for 13 months ... or $1000 a month for 22 months ... or $500 a month for 65 months ... are you starting to get the picture of why this is a problem?

I don't like some of the advice you are getting here. Assuming you are thinking of a long term relationship, merging finances, and marriage.

Yes -- communicate with him. You need to understand what the deal is before making decisions. How communicative he is when you bring it up will be a clear sign to you.

NEVER never marry someone for who they might become, marry them for who they are. You'll both change as you age and move into different life experiences, but if you don't start in a place your are completely comfortable, you are headed for a fall.

And, just by observing others, I really feel that people with spending and debt issues have a chronic problem. This type of thing goes to the core of the type of person he is and I'd strongly warn you not to think you will ever change that. If you are comfortable with it or can live with it, fine. But, I'd be really cautious if I were you - don't merge finances and don't think about marriage for awhile.

I had that kind of ccd debt when I was in school. 90% of it was school related rather than crap from Target or restaurant/bar tabs. Once I got out and started my career I paid it down in less than two years. Still have 28K of student loans but they don't seem to have the stigma of holding that debt on cards. I used to rotate the debt around to hold low interest rates, I ain't no sucker.

Good luck with all that. If the guy rang up that total buying sunglasses, flatscreens, and xBoxes...run. Your long term relationship will suck.