I'm 31 and have been married since this summer. My wife and I both agree that, as of now, kids are not in our future (this could change, of course). To the fathers out there, did you always know you wanted kids? Or, did your thoughts change as you got older? Thanks.
Always new it would come someday but I didn't marry until later. I was totally jazzed (and a little freaked) when we found out. At 4, he's at a great age. I wish I had done this years ago.
Always knew I wanted kids. Never knew when the right time would be, but was very happy when they came not long after marriage.
I wanted to have children before getting married. However, I married late (in my late 30s).
OP, don't worry. At age 31, I also wasn't yet in Daddy Mode. Probably by age 33, I had enough children and dads around to realize something like, "if my pal Stoney (the former grunge slacker) can handle kids, there's no reason why I can't do the same or better."
As an older dad, I see a trade-off. The benefits are that I'm more settled in my career and can parlay the observations and experiences of good parents around me so everything isn't new or a huge challenge. And as you approach and attain middle age, you should have a more mellow or wise approach to things.
The downfall is that you don't have the energy you did in your 20s-early 30s to keep up with kids, and thus you might not push as hard for things as you once did or let some things slide that sometimes you shouldn't.
"if my pal Stoney (the former grunge slacker) can handle kids, there's no reason why I can't do the same or better."
Thanks. Did you just want to be able to "handle" your kids, or did you really want them. Just having them because you know you can handle it isn't ideal, IMO.
never really thought about it or anything else , kind of always wanted them.
had much younger brothers and sisters so was used to it.
I have a 9 year old girl and 10 year old boy and they are so much fun.
attention fathers wrote:
"if my pal Stoney (the former grunge slacker) can handle kids, there's no reason why I can't do the same or better."
Thanks. Did you just want to be able to "handle" your kids, or did you really want them. Just having them because you know you can handle it isn't ideal, IMO.
While I didn't harbor strong/stereotypic "I want/need to be a dad" feelings, I warmed to the idea gradually. It was more than "handling," and I knew it had better be if my wife and I were going to continue a two-professional-working-adults existence. The example I provided was to ease the fears at being ready for the upcoming changes and provide motivation.
Good luck, and take every advantage of stashing away good parenting tricks (e.g. make time the arbiter / bad guy, not your spouse or you-- "you can [do/watch XYZ] until the timer goes off / it's 6:00 / the show is over"). DSL
I knew after we had our first one.
attention fathers wrote:
I'm 31 and have been married since this summer. My wife and I both agree that, as of now, kids are not in our future (this could change, of course). To the fathers out there, did you always know you wanted kids? Or, did your thoughts change as you got older? Thanks.
I knew since I was a little kid that I wanted to be a father one day. I think that's the way it is for most people who WANTED to be a father. It's not for everyone. Definitely don't do it if you aren't really into it.
I always wanted kids. I love my kids. Too many people have kids that do not want/deserve them. If you do not want them, please don't have them.
I want to be a father but my wife always tells me she doesn't want to have children.
I wasn't sure if I wanted one or not for a while, even after getting married. Neither was my wife at the time. However we gradually both came to want one. She probably drove the decision a bit more than me, but I was not at all reluctant and was excited to be a father, and still cherish it to this day.
The decision is up to you and your wife.
I was married for 9 years, and the ex didn't want kids. Towards the end we were roommates basically. We had nothing to work together on. I said lets have kids it is something we can invest in together. She said no. I remarried and we are expecting our 5th. I started having kids at 35. I got to do all the training that I wanted to do, ride my bike year round in Arizona while riding 200+ miles a week for Tri's, run for a summer in the mountains of Montana. I ran marathons, did a half ironman. I did everything I wanted to do. I ran and coached at a D.II school. I was ready to be focused on others instead of just me. Now my 5 yo went cross country skiing and she is a natural. It is great, my kids are my focus. Everything I do is for them. I had my time, everything I learned I will pass to them. When my daughters are in high school they will be a SR,JR,and FR, 3 legs of 4x800 team. Well, that's about it. I need to go change a dirty diaper now.
I have to agree that you shouldn't have them if you don't really want them. I always knew, even before I met my wife. We only got married after 10 years of dating because we wanted kids. They are the best part of our lives and I can't imagine life without them. Good luck.