Offending a woman at work by guessing her age

Ha ha! That's nothing. I congratulated a woman the other day and asked when she was due. She sneared at me and said she "gained a little weight" and didn't realize it was so noticable. I swear, it looked like she was 7 months preggo. No joke. Needless to say, she isn't a premier member of my fan club.

Always go younger!

The only way to win this game is not to play.

foot in mouth wrote:

Ha ha! That's nothing. I congratulated a woman the other day and asked when she was due. She sneared at me and said she "gained a little weight" and didn't realize it was so noticable. I swear, it looked like she was 7 months preggo. No joke. Needless to say, she isn't a premier member of my fan club.

Who in the world would EVER presume a woman is pregnant.

I don't care if she has a baby's head hanging out between her legs, you NEVER ask a woman if she is pregnant.

"Who in the world would EVER presume a woman is pregnant."

Well, interacting with people requires assumptions. If you only said things based on absolute certainty or perfect knowledge, you'd hardly ever say anything. Even then people would misinterpret what you say and you'd overlook things due to sheer ignorance.

Anyway, in my case what should I do now in order to make sure my working relationship with her stays positive?

VERY good advice. I almost destroyed my chances of a good grade in a high school class by asking the teacher if we would have a long term substitute when she left to have the baby I thought she was pregnant with.

You missed by a year. To me, that is an acceptable margin of error. She is over-reacting.

If she is still irritated in a day or two, don't actually apologize, but bring it up. Just say that you knew about how old she was because.....and make something up.....like you heard her talking about high school, or some other BS. Tell her you normally avoid guessing woman's ages because some women might be offended, but after all, SHE ASKED YOU to guess her age.

By bringing it up, you can sort of apologize without actually apologizing. By getting it out in the open, it will avoid having that big white elephant in the room.

Note: Do NOT use the 'white elephant' analogy, for it will surely offend the fatties that you mentioned.

Oh, I almost forgot:

Pics?

You didn't choose your words badly, she is relatively young. If a 34 year old chick gets sad when someone accurately guesses her age, there's not much you can do.

Free Advice wrote:

You missed by a year. To me, that is an acceptable margin of error. She is over-reacting.

You're missing the point though. Women like to look younger than their age. She would have been offended if he'd said 34 too, even though he was right.

I would say 28-30 would have been the optimum guess.

I don't totally agree with you, as the original poster said he did not want to go as low as 30 because then she would have known he was patronizing.

The best advice so far was from the guy who said not to even play the age guessing game. The original poster sort of knew this because he hesitated, didn't want to patronize, etc. It is too late now, so he is now in damage control mode. That is where my advice comes into play.

Tell her to hop on your face so you can try to guess her weight to see if you do better?

if you aren't trying to get with her, then why does it matter if she is upset?

Should have said, "no way am I guessing your age".

With regard to assuming women are pregnant, NEVER EVER do that. I had a boss who had some fibroid tumors that made her look 9 months pregnant. She was thin everywhere except for there, so people thought they could for sure assume she was pregnant. NOPE! I ALMOST said something in the interview about it just to make conversation, and I'm so glad I didn't. Never ever ever ever ever guess at that...ever. Clear yet? Never ever!

Larry David without socialskil wrote:

Then she said "I hope you get that job in the other department!"

This is a woman's way of saying FO you dumbass.

So to avoid offending her by telling her she's fit, you decided to guess her age? How did you get through so many years of life without realizing that (most) women like to be complimented on their fitness and DON'T like to be told how old they look?

You fools are so lame. Oh, let's all tap dance around what we say to the wimminfolk. Guess what? Even the wimminfolk will not respect you for that. Not saying to treat them like one of the guys, just be real. It's really not hard.

Here's what you should have said when she was all pissed:

"Nice tits, bitch"

being nice to you wrote:

Larry David without socialskil wrote:

Then she said "I hope you get that job in the other department!"

This is a woman's way of saying FO you dumbass.

Yes, I know she was being rude. And I don't really mind if all is forgotten tomorrow. But to the other poster who asked "you aren't trying to get with her, then why does it matter if she is upset?" it matters because (1) I'd like to be on goods terms with the person who sits next to me, and (2) I'm quite new in this job, whereas she isn't, so I often need to ask her job related questions. Either it may become awkward asking her, or she could deliberately withold help out of spite.