trying to get in touch w/ an ex gf

Wanting to apologize is noble and I can understand why you'd want to do that.

But, everyone has moved on. Didn't you at least say you're sorry when it happened?

I know you probably broke up on very bad terms, but you're just a distant memory now. Relationships die for various reasons. It's part of life. She knows that. You should know that, so don't think she is sitting around thinking you're an ass.

Yeah, this one was your fault and you feel the need to apologize, but she's over it and move on. An ex contacting a married woman is not a good idea.

You sound like a stalker already hahaah . Dudeeeeeeeee she's married !!! and I believe that she totally forgot everything about you

How sweet - it would be great to hear from you again, even though I am married. This way we could perhaps exchange emails and maybe get together for lunch. Although this would totally piss off my husband it would be sooo worth it. Who knows, maybe we can end up in the sack together again.

I'm really dying to totally screw up my life, so please call. I've never really gotten over you, and although I could easily look you up to call, I haven't - because I'd rather you call me first, so that when the floor falls out of my life, I won't have myself to blame.

(translation: you are a fool)

Ask Ray...the advice guy.

www.thenicheplayers.com

your ex gf wrote:

How sweet - it would be great to hear from you again, even though I am married. This way we could perhaps exchange emails and maybe get together for lunch. Although this would totally piss off my husband it would be sooo worth it. Who knows, maybe we can end up in the sack together again.

I'm really dying to totally screw up my life, so please call. I've never really gotten over you, and although I could easily look you up to call, I haven't - because I'd rather you call me first, so that when the floor falls out of my life, I won't have myself to blame.

(translation: you are a fool)

Nice!

Don't do it.

Some chick I had dated some 5 years earlier called me and left a message apologizing (for flipping out about me leaving for the weekend to visit my parents without telling her) and saying what a great guy I was, blah, blah.

I had since married and found the attempted contact at very least creepy, if not desperate.

If you didn't apologize then, it won't matter now.

Don't do it.

My high school gf cheated on me. I went through a very rough time in high school. Short version: my mom died, we rented an apt., I was left with no life insurance, everything my mom owned literally fit in a trash bag. I leaned on my gf because she was an honor student, a cheerleader, her dad was a doctor. She was just very grounded, everything I wasn't.

But, she cheated on me and wasn't very supportive when my mom died. Her sister had a baby the day my mom died and she was just giddy over being an aunt and dind't give 2 cents that my mom just died. That was 27 years ago.

Just this year, her dad died and she lost her daughter to cancer. She looked me up through classmates.com and sent me an email.

She said she was very spoiled in high school and had everything given to her. She never understood what it meant to be without anything and never understood why I went so haywire after my mom died.

She said after the death of her father followed just 2 months with the death of her teenage daughter, she cannot fathom what I was going through by losing everything when I was 17. She apologized for being selfish and for not being there when I needed her.

I wrote back and said, "Don't be so hard on yourself. You can't look back with the wisdom, maturity and life experience of a 44 year old woman and place it in the mind of a 17 year old girl."

Her apology, although nice to hear, didn't mean anything to me. She's old, old news. I'm married to a wonderful woman and we have beautiful, incredible children. We were just kids and I don't hold a grudge against her. We weren't right for each other and that's just how things worked out.

In other words, your ex has moved on and fallen head over heels in love with someone. Someone she gave her life to. Someone she is building a life with. You are just someone in her past. What you did isn't a big deal to her. She doesn't think about you. She doesn't think you owe her an apology. She doesn't think you're the biggest jerk on the earth.

Leave it alone. It's in the past. She's moved on and living her life. You need to do the same. If your paths ever cross, then you can apologize. Until then, don't bring up the past when it needs to stay buried.

southerner wrote:

Don't do it.

Some chick I had dated some 5 years earlier called me and left a message apologizing (for flipping out about me leaving for the weekend to visit my parents without telling her) and saying what a great guy I was, blah, blah.

I had since married and found the attempted contact at very least creepy, if not desperate.

If you didn't apologize then, it won't matter now.

Don't do it.

I had something similar happen to me. I met a chick on the internet and we had a short fling. Short because she cheated on me and I caught her in the act. I changed my emails, my phone numbers and just disappeared.

Two years later, she sent me an email (she ran in to one of our mutual chatroom acquaintances who gave her my new email).

She said she "totally messed up" and asked if I ever thought about her. She said she wasn't the bad person I thought she was and asked for another chance.

That just freaked me out. To contact me out of the blue like that was just freaky. I didn't respond and have no plans to. I haven't heard from her since.

If you contact her, she's going to think you are stalking her. And, you must be. Why else would you contact her over something that happened 7 years ago that happens in a lot of relationships?

So....

To boil down all the responses, it looks like we all agree. This is a GREAT idea. Let us know how it goes.

When I read the original post, I was going to say not to do it, and it looks like that opinion is unanimous. That's the beauty of Letsrun. We don't always tell you what you want to hear, but we give you tough love when you need it.

Well . . . .

I think your motives are an issue here. If you just want to make things right and apologize to people in the past who you've hurt, then I say it's OK. I wouldn't call though.

An email is a nice way to get in touch without it being too personal. See if you can find her on classmates or facebook. If her email is out there, then it's OK to use it.

If your motives are anything else, say to rekindle things or stay in touch, then don't do it. Like the others have said, she's moved on and you're just going to cause problems. I think you realize you've already done enough of that.

are you in AA or some similar program? I know everyone is blasting you for this idea, but I am curious if you have another motivation for this.

I was impressed with an Ex who called several years after we split up and expressed remorse for his part in a traumatic breakup, then left it at that. Lovely man.

I was not impressed with an Ex who called several years after a traumatic breakup and expressed remorse that was quickly followed by his persistent pursuit of a romp in the sack at the expense of my marriage. Piece of shit of a human being.

What motivates you is what matters. Get your head on straight and be honest about your intentions if you call her.

It's too late to apologize. It's too late.

your ex gf wrote:

How sweet - it would be great to hear from you again, even though I am married. This way we could perhaps exchange emails and maybe get together for lunch. Although this would totally piss off my husband it would be sooo worth it. Who knows, maybe we can end up in the sack together again.

I'm really dying to totally screw up my life, so please call. I've never really gotten over you, and although I could easily look you up to call, I haven't - because I'd rather you call me first, so that when the floor falls out of my life, I won't have myself to blame.

(translation: you are a fool)

You sound like a woman who was cheated on, blamed the gf instead of your S.O., and are still buried up to your earlobes in denial about who was responsible.

Your S.O. is lucky to have you to come up with such great excuses for his behavior to help him deflect the blame. Sounds like you are the fool.

why?

she ows you money?

Huh?!?