Need advice: broke up with my fiancee

Your situation sounds very similar to mine. Good advice about not starting to think that I am the crazy one. I've been talking to my family about the situation a lot, trying to analyze things and see where I might have gone wrong. Today my mom said to me "you are trying to rationalize the actions of someone with a mental disorder." She has a point.

I saw a quote today that said "the person that cares the least in a relationship has all the power."

I was cheated on, dumped, and divorced. Despite my pleas for therapy and pleading to save the marriage for the sake of our 3 children she wanted out to be with the new person in which she had the affair.

The person doing the dumping cares less and appears to have all the power in the short term but in the long term YOU will be better off. In 5-10 years she will still have mental problems.

The best revenge, my random internet friend, is in living well.

Now live long and prosper.

Your'e welcome.

Thin naked and alone wrote:

I saw a quote today that said "the person that cares the least in a relationship has all the power."

awesome quote! The bright side of all of this is that if she was a whack job, you were going to find out sooner or later and better sooner than later. The guys that said focus on work and running are dead on. Also volunteering is one of the best things to do when life gets sucky...

1. It gives you something to focus on besides you and your situation.

2. You meet other people who are all focused on the same goal.

3. Other people benefit from your efforts.

So run, work, and find organizations in your community that are doing things that you think are valuable and get involved. Go to their meetings, take on work that needs to be done, and be that person who can be counted on to get things done. It will help this phase of your life fade into the past without you even realizing it.

Steven,

First, I must say that I'm sorry you have to deal with this during the holidays because I personally think it makes it even worse since you are thinking how you want to be close with someone and share certain moments very often. So, one positive side is that the holidays are now over, and this will make things easier -- at least, that's what I'm hoping.

Second, once you love someone, it hurts a great deal to lose that person. It hurts like you will die at any moment from the pain, and although it's tempting to drink, smoke, f***, or whatever else the pain away, you have to embrace this terrible pain to move forward. The pain will dull, and if handled properly will completely subside with enough time. It sounds like you're already doing things that help you move forward -- talking with family about what happened. I would also recommend that you talk with friends . . . well, actually, talk with anyone that will listen to you -- even strangers (I did, and strangers sometimes had very poignant things to say, especially since some of my friends were tired of hearing the same story). In addition, when you don't feel like doing anything, don't make yourself do anything -- allow yourself to be sad, cry every day if you have to (do it in the shower if you don't anyone to know).

Third, I would highly recommend seeing a counselor so that you do move forward in the quickest time possible. Especially for men, it can be hard to fully express all your emotions if you are not in a controlled, safe, encouraging environment. Likewise, the professional counselor will give you professional opinions of your ex's behavior and your own, not to mention effective ways of moving forward. Also being from a family that doesn't have faith in counselors, I understand the hesitation, but it's well worth it.

Fourth, as for the running, I also stopped right before we broke up and still haven't gotten back ( a month after ). One thing that I have been able to do is walk, which has the same mind-clearing benefits and will keep you in good enough shape not to lose everything. I just felt too tired to run, although I probably will start again next week.

Finally, don't blame yourself. I did the same thing, mainly because I loved my ex and felt that my ex knew me very well, so I figured if he thought I was responsible, I must have been in some way. However, when dealing with people who have psychological issues, as your mother said, you can't really make sense of it. I know it's hard to believe now, but there is light at the end, and unlike the end of a 27-year relationship, it might not take a whole year to get over it . . . or, it might; but, either way, you have many years left and many other woman to meet and possibly love. Good luck.

take it from me kid, girls will do ANYTHING to **** a better guy. Thats just the way it goes.

If you study these moves, the world will make more sense Steven. Best of luck to you.

http://www.byucougars.com/cheerleaders/skills.jsp

Talk with a professional therapist/counselor. It could help for you just to have somebody understanding to talk about your feelings. It is also a way for you to develop another perspective on things so you eventually get on a track where you are healing instead of being self-destructive. This is important because depression is essentially a form of self-destruction, so anything you can do now to help yourself is a good step forward. The therapist will probably also be able to give you exercises and strategies to deal with your depression and can give you a referral if he or she decides that medication would also be helpful.

If you have any running friends, mention your problems with motivation to run. Hopefully one or more of them will suggest going out on a run together -- it doesn't have to be long, just any contact with another person will have the dual purpose of getting you out the door for a run and giving you somebody to talk to.

Untreated bipolar disorder can be very destructive to the person who has it as well as his or her loved ones. I know this doesn't ease your pain now, but you can only help yourself now; if your ex-fiancee refuses treatment, that is her choice, not yours. Do what you can for yourself now because that is the only thing in your own control. Good luck!