Thinking about leaving coaching

I left coach 5 years ago and honestly should have done it sooner.

My marriage wasnt at a breaking point but we were getting close. Two young kids, all the weekends and they pay was horrible.

Time with my family has been great. I don’t love my job, but it pays so much better.

I thought I would miss it more but I really don’t. There are a lot of bad parts of the job you have to put up with that you don’t notice until you are doing something else

i think you already have your marching orders. based on her feedback, i would limit coaching to your own kids' teams. at most i'd teach and revisit coaching HS at a later date, if she changes her mind.

personally i'd make sure that you have some area(s) of your life where you are pursuing goals and dreams. it can't all be sacrifice, or you will develop conflict with her.

1. She's soon to be a track widow if you dont get some counseling.

2. Teaching hs and coaching gives you the best opportunity to do what you love to do and have a reasonable calendar for family time. Pay can be better than college as well. I thought about going the other way, I was offered a position but I couldnt pull the trigger with 2 kids and a wife needing me home more, not less. That lifestyle and pay just wasn't appealing enough to overcome the responsibilities I felt obligated to. It might have worked out. I have friends and former athletes that it has worked for but it's not for everyone.

PS...I gave it up awhile ago to pursue 100 other interests. I miss coaching and coach friends but I still make it to a lot of major meets.

Even if you were a coach (you’re not), you don’t have a significant other and I’m guessing you never will because you’re a pathological liar.

I started coaching in the NCAA this year. Assisting at a mid major. There are days where I feel the same as you - it’s so fun and fulfilling, but a majority of the time I look at our head coach and think about how I’m glad I don’t have his job. I can see the writing on the wall. I’ll be in the same position as you if I stick around longer. Division 1 NCAA is just a sh1tshow. I think D3 would have been more enjoyable.

I’m considering being a private coach or going back to the HS world.

It sounds like you're at a tough crossroads, balancing passion with family needs. I've been in a similar spot, where the job I love conflicts with family life. Have you had any deep conversations with your wife about long term goals, maybe finding a balance that works for both of you? Could there be a way to shift your role, maybe within coaching, to reduce travel or time away while still staying in the field? It's a hard balance, but you're not alone in facing it.

I'll give you a good advice. Change your job better payed to support family and you still can take up online coaching like me and keep it on like the hobby you love as I do. Good luck! 🇸🇪🧙‍♂️🇸🇪 Magic Coach J.S

She's unhappy because of the baby. Once the kid gets about a year or so old the reality of raising a child sets in with mothers. The baby isn't cute anymore and she isn't getting the attention that she was getting while pregnant or with a newborn.

Don't leave a job you enjoy in an attempt to make her happy. It probably won't work.

So give her another baby

Right, so giving an unhappy woman a second baby isn't going to eventually double the child support payments.

I pity you

Thats not true. Dahl has atleast 2 children to our knowledge that he has custody of, and has been married atleast once. There is no evidence of him coaching at Lady of the Lake or Saint Mary's but there are numerous online markings of him coaching at UTSA as little as 5 years ago. What happened after that or where he's been since then, we really dont know.

Since COVID college coaching has not been the same. I did it for 20 years and the last 2-3 years were miserable. The COVID year pushed a lot of experienced coaches to retire. Since then the implementation of transfer portals, NIL, and all the other changes to the profession have made it a pretty horrible profession to get into. I really feel bad for young coaches that are getting into it now. I have a friend who is a D1 Bball coach who makes a crap ton of money, and he tells his athletes and staff to get out of this business. It is not worth it anymore. With all the transferring team building and development are non-existent. Team culture sucks because no one is ever 100% bought in. Money is fundamentally changing college sports at a core level and I do not think it is for the better. Higher Ed as a whole is becoming a poor work environment. Big schools are being manipulated and messed with by this current administration and a lot of small schools will not survive the next 5-10 years. For me personally I had to choose between my family and coaching. I chose my family and have not looked back. I do not miss it. Here are some things to remember if you want to get into coaching.

1. There has never in the history of coaching in any sport been a coach that did not have to sacrifice his/her family on some level to be successful. Even if you have a spouse that supports it just know that they will be second on the priority list if you really try to be a good coach.

2.Coaching is a thankless profession. Coaching takes more than it gives. You put everything into your job, miss birthdays, miss graduations, miss your kids activities, make your spouse a single parent for a good portion of the time, and then get slammed publicly when your team blows up at region because 2-3 kids made poor life choices going into it. One complaint of a kid can make you have to move.....again.

3. Success does not = job security. Assistants get shuffled when there are head coach changes. Head coaches can get fired by AD's that just want a "new direction" even with consistent success. You are only as good as your most recent result.

If you are ok with that then go for it. Someone has to. I just hate that the new crop of coaches really missed out on a lot of the good things that used to exist in the profession.

Stability? With those degrees, go teach at a HS and coach. Kids are less invested, maybe. But depending on where you live, pay can be solid and work can be stable and benefits can be good. Plus, many places need running coaches.

You’d have to get teaching certified, unless you go to a private school. However, that has gotten easier in most places.

Plus, you can maybe set down roots. Become more involved in a locL community.

It’s not easy, but it may afford more stability while also allowing you to keep coaching.

Good luck.

If you can land a gig at a nice private school, you really have better job than college coach. You get the rich parents, you can recruit, you have fewer headaches involving college kids away from home, budget isnt an issue, participants are not an issue. It's a sweet gig.