Obviously a troll thread, but in a good marriage, nobody is “in charge”
I respect your opinion but I don't think it is necessarily true. Just like a well run business, it is important in a marriage to have one individual who is clearly in charge. Although the difference between the work world and the marriage world is that at work everyone knows who is in charge, while in a marriage you have to trick your wife into believing she has more power than she actually does. If you don't, she will likely slack in both her kitchen and bedroom duties.
Obviously a troll thread, but in a good marriage, nobody is “in charge”
How is it trolling to ask people if one person has final say in major decisions in their marriage? That seems like a perfectly reasonable question to ask to me and something that should probably be worked out prior to getting married honestly as it would each party know what to expect.
Obviously a troll thread, but in a good marriage, nobody is “in charge”
How is it trolling to ask people if one person has final say in major decisions in their marriage? That seems like a perfectly reasonable question to ask to me and something that should probably be worked out prior to getting married honestly as it would each party know what to expect.
Also, I wasn't meaning one person is dictator, just like, it can't be exactly 50/50 otherwise you can run into stalemates. To me it would make sense to tilt it 49/51 so that decisions could be made. I think pretty much all marriages are like this whether it's explicitly talked about or not. One person is dominant, either by a little or a lot.
Obviously a troll thread, but in a good marriage, nobody is “in charge”
How is it trolling to ask people if one person has final say in major decisions in their marriage? That seems like a perfectly reasonable question to ask to me and something that should probably be worked out prior to getting married honestly as it would each party know what to expect.
If I’m being honest, I think for the first 7-8 years, it was her. We talked about things but it was mostly yes.
Only what I could describe as a chaotic household came to light. I’ve never seen neighbors or anyone really argue and fight like we had. It was absolutely soul sucking and I assume it was a combination of upbringing (both of us), meds/hormones (her), and control issues (both of us). Starting a year ago, I drew very hard lines on respect, behavior, kids homework, and financial decisions. I’m at heart a very peaceful man and she had a temper. At this point, she gets basically full control on family activities and household because she does well there and all other decisions run through me.
Every “transition” of power you might say was a brutal drag out fight on her part of losing control. It was a peaceful discussion on my end…. Of the reality of the situation. Never telling her I am “taking control” and simply pointing out the obvious chaos in our current setup.
Things are a lot better and peaceful now. We need to work on aligning with kids discipline and then finally our relationship again. During the chaos and instability, she threatened leaving several times, which has severely impacted my romantic feelings toward her. The only reason I’m still married is because of kids and the economic difficulties of raising several young kids. I’m hopeful things can get better, next step is therapy to repair everything.
My best advice to young men, if your upbringing wasn’t great like mine, get lots of solo therapy before thinking seriously about dating and marriage. A passive man (like I was, strong on the outside and weak on the inside) can ruin a relationship just as quickly as a temperamental man. Date a lot, live with women, be slow to commit. You can always date younger to have a family. Study her family. I have watched nearly every pitfall either of our parents had be recreated and re-enacted with us. It is almost comedic.
If I’m being honest, I think for the first 7-8 years, it was her. We talked about things but it was mostly yes.
Only what I could describe as a chaotic household came to light. I’ve never seen neighbors or anyone really argue and fight like we had. It was absolutely soul sucking and I assume it was a combination of upbringing (both of us), meds/hormones (her), and control issues (both of us). Starting a year ago, I drew very hard lines on respect, behavior, kids homework, and financial decisions. I’m at heart a very peaceful man and she had a temper. At this point, she gets basically full control on family activities and household because she does well there and all other decisions run through me.
Every “transition” of power you might say was a brutal drag out fight on her part of losing control. It was a peaceful discussion on my end…. Of the reality of the situation. Never telling her I am “taking control” and simply pointing out the obvious chaos in our current setup.
Things are a lot better and peaceful now. We need to work on aligning with kids discipline and then finally our relationship again. During the chaos and instability, she threatened leaving several times, which has severely impacted my romantic feelings toward her. The only reason I’m still married is because of kids and the economic difficulties of raising several young kids. I’m hopeful things can get better, next step is therapy to repair everything.
My best advice to young men, if your upbringing wasn’t great like mine, get lots of solo therapy before thinking seriously about dating and marriage. A passive man (like I was, strong on the outside and weak on the inside) can ruin a relationship just as quickly as a temperamental man. Date a lot, live with women, be slow to commit. You can always date younger to have a family. Study her family. I have watched nearly every pitfall either of our parents had be recreated and re-enacted with us. It is almost comedic.
Except for the living with women part, I agree. A passive man brings out the worst in a woman. Women save their pity and emotions for their children. They want strong husbands, no matter what the feminist aunt or gender studies professor taught them to say.