I get that I pay her, it’s her job to listen, etc. But we literally have an amazing connection. Laughing really hard together, really connecting with each other. I’ve never felt this way before about a woman, and I am 100% sure she feels it.
I’m nervous to let her know that I’m feeling something deeper. Is there any possible way this could work? What would be the right next step?
Ok first off, this is very normal. You are correct, it is most likely transference. I went through the same exact thing, except I'm a guy, and T was a woman. It started off as just a harmless attraction to her, then it developed into full-blown feelings for her. I never told her, and it is still eating away at me. I highly recommend you talk to your T about it. If he is a good T then he should know how to handle this. If you don't talk about these feelings they will get more intense and most likely get in the way of your therapy. Yes, it's normal, as I'm sure you've discovered if you've read the other threads in this forum. All too normal. These feelings can be used in therapy if the T is willing and skilled enough. You'll probably need to tell him at some point, but in the meantime please realize you're not alone. You've just joined the Transference Club! With members worldwide, agonizing over feelings for our T's. Welcome!! Thank you both for your replies! I know I have to bring it up at some point and I will... it just feels so weird. It's like I'm in love with him and I feel as if he feels the same way which I know is really desperate on my part. But I will discuss this with him. Thanks! Hi, I went to see him this week and was planning on telling him about it but I couldn't say anything about it. The thing is I have a lot of issues with rejection and anytime someone starts to get to know me or like me I freak out and start acting aloof, sometimes even rude. I've talked to him about this but he's never seen me act this way because I find it very easy to open up to him (which is probably why I'm so attracted to him). For some reason I keep thinking he is attracted to me. So finally I go into his office and he usually wears a doctors coat and this time he didn't. He was impeccably dressed, he was wearing a cologne (he never smelled like cologne before) and the furniture in his office was rearranged. As I sat down to start talking to him I felt very anxious. I couldn't tell him anything personal, all I could talk about was really superficial stuff. And I could feel my face was red. It was so embarrassing. He knew something was up and he started writing in his pad, I felt awful. And I don't know if he thought I was turned on or what but then his eyes were on me, very intense and he looked me up and down. And I felt very uncomfortable. I didn't want it, but at the same time I know I'm reacting the way I usually do... Also, I think he's been checking out my website (I never gave him the link, he must have googled me) because I was talking to him about this cartoon that I made a website for and asked him if he had ever seen the cartoon and he got very nervous. Also, in the 90's I went to therapy with his father, who is also a great therapist, and at that time I had a huge crush on a guy. Well, during this therapy session I'm trying to go out more and I was thinking of going out with that guy (we are very good friends now, but not romantic) he asked me if I felt comfortable talking to him and when I said yes he got very uncomfortable and couldn't look at me. I'm very confused. I like him a lot. Other than the cologne and stuff he's a great therapist. He does ask great questions and never tells me how I should feel, he let's me work through it... I just worry that he likes me as much as I like him and I don't know how we will be able to control ourselves! I want him so bad... I think he wants me too... I'll talk to him about my transference the next time I see him. But I think I wont mention how I think he feels this way about me... I think that might be really weird. How did you talk to your therapist about it? I need some examples on how to start the conversation. Thanks for all your help!
I get that I pay her, it’s her job to listen, etc. But we literally have an amazing connection. Laughing really hard together, really connecting with each other. I’ve never felt this way before about a woman, and I am 100% sure she feels it.
I’m nervous to let her know that I’m feeling something deeper. Is there any possible way this could work? What would be the right next step?
If she values her profession and the legal and ethical obligations associated with it, nothing can or will happen. It will profess your feelings and she will likely be in a position where she needs to terminate the profession relationship.
Expert here and you need this advice. Do not tell her that you're into her. Instead, subtly invite her to come out with you "as friends" to a restaurant/sports game/bar perhaps. Maybe even say that your date canceled and you have an extra ticket. If she accepts that invitation, then she may see you in a similar way. If she declines, you will get closure that it's not reciprocal without embarrassing yourself.
Expert here and you need this advice. Do not tell her that you're into her. Instead, subtly invite her to come out with you "as friends" to a restaurant/sports game/bar perhaps. Maybe even say that your date canceled and you have an extra ticket. If she accepts that invitation, then she may see you in a similar way. If she declines, you will get closure that it's not reciprocal without embarrassing yourself.
This is actually good advice from Steve. I have a buddy that ended up laying pipe with his life coach (like a therapist) and made it happen with Steve’s suggestion. You want to invite them somewhere there will be alcohol. That’s the social lube that makes things happen. Good luck brother.
All the guys that I know who did therapy are soft coddled guys. One of them went to therapy after his girlfriend of like...six months dumped him. I was like - REALLY? They usually have lived really soft privileged lives. Since this is a running board, I assume you fall into this category.
I get that I pay her, it’s her job to listen, etc. But we literally have an amazing connection. Laughing really hard together, really connecting with each other. I’ve never felt this way before about a woman, and I am 100% sure she feels it.
I’m nervous to let her know that I’m feeling something deeper. Is there any possible way this could work? What would be the right next step?
You sound like the kind of douche who believes a hooker when she tells you that you are the biggest and best she’s ever had
Expert here and you need this advice. Do not tell her that you're into her. Instead, subtly invite her to come out with you "as friends" to a restaurant/sports game/bar perhaps. Maybe even say that your date canceled and you have an extra ticket. If she accepts that invitation, then she may see you in a similar way. If she declines, you will get closure that it's not reciprocal without embarrassing yourself.
This is actually good advice from Steve. I have a buddy that ended up laying pipe with his life coach (like a therapist) and made it happen with Steve’s suggestion. You want to invite them somewhere there will be alcohol. That’s the social lube that makes things happen. Good luck brother.
The gap between a practising psychiatrist and a “life coach” who probably worships crystals and sells beauty products out of her garage is so wide it cannot be bridged.
Ok first off, this is very normal. You are correct, it is most likely transference. I went through the same exact thing, except I'm a guy, and T was a woman. It started off as just a harmless attraction to her, then it developed into full-blown feelings for her. I never told her, and it is still eating away at me. I highly recommend you talk to your T about it. If he is a good T then he should know how to handle this. If you don't talk about these feelings they will get more intense and most likely get in the way of your therapy. Yes, it's normal, as I'm sure you've discovered if you've read the other threads in this forum. All too normal. These feelings can be used in therapy if the T is willing and skilled enough. You'll probably need to tell him at some point, but in the meantime please realize you're not alone. You've just joined the Transference Club! With members worldwide, agonizing over feelings for our T's. Welcome!! Thank you both for your replies! I know I have to bring it up at some point and I will... it just feels so weird. It's like I'm in love with him and I feel as if he feels the same way which I know is really desperate on my part. But I will discuss this with him. Thanks! Hi, I went to see him this week and was planning on telling him about it but I couldn't say anything about it. The thing is I have a lot of issues with rejection and anytime someone starts to get to know me or like me I freak out and start acting aloof, sometimes even rude. I've talked to him about this but he's never seen me act this way because I find it very easy to open up to him (which is probably why I'm so attracted to him). For some reason I keep thinking he is attracted to me. So finally I go into his office and he usually wears a doctors coat and this time he didn't. He was impeccably dressed, he was wearing a cologne (he never smelled like cologne before) and the furniture in his office was rearranged. As I sat down to start talking to him I felt very anxious. I couldn't tell him anything personal, all I could talk about was really superficial stuff. And I could feel my face was red. It was so embarrassing. He knew something was up and he started writing in his pad, I felt awful. And I don't know if he thought I was turned on or what but then his eyes were on me, very intense and he looked me up and down. And I felt very uncomfortable. I didn't want it, but at the same time I know I'm reacting the way I usually do... Also, I think he's been checking out my website (I never gave him the link, he must have googled me) because I was talking to him about this cartoon that I made a website for and asked him if he had ever seen the cartoon and he got very nervous. Also, in the 90's I went to therapy with his father, who is also a great therapist, and at that time I had a huge crush on a guy. Well, during this therapy session I'm trying to go out more and I was thinking of going out with that guy (we are very good friends now, but not romantic) he asked me if I felt comfortable talking to him and when I said yes he got very uncomfortable and couldn't look at me. I'm very confused. I like him a lot. Other than the cologne and stuff he's a great therapist. He does ask great questions and never tells me how I should feel, he let's me work through it... I just worry that he likes me as much as I like him and I don't know how we will be able to control ourselves! I want him so bad... I think he wants me too... I'll talk to him about my transference the next time I see him. But I think I wont mention how I think he feels this way about me... I think that might be really weird. How did you talk to your therapist about it? I need some examples on how to start the conversation. Thanks for all your help!
This was incredibly long-winded for someone who didn’t seem to actually read the details of the initial post.
This is probably a troll thread, but this is actually a common occurrence. It's so common that clinicians are trained on this and have a professional expectation and protocol that would probably lead to her not judging you, but also letting you down gently.
In general, a psychiatrist will talk to you about your mental challenges only to the point where they can make a prescription (or adjust a prescription), and they will work with a psychologist, MD, etc. to get that information from a professional.
I suppose the server at your local Starbucks has developed feelings for you too.I mean she is always smiling and seems happy to see you when you place your order.
To repeat what othered have said, it’s called erotic transference. A common phenomenon. Talk with her about how you feel. You just might learn something about yourself, your desire, your relationships, etc.