Dreading 40

Guess you are not a very good runner. Most runners look forward to entering the master division.

If he’s not good at running, surely he must be good at something else.

My 40's and even 50's were pretty good. Still running marathons. Travelled and surfed some great places; Bali, Java, Phillippines. The 60's on the other hand, are slightly more difficult.

I stopped racing in college. I maybe couldve been an other ran in the Olympic Trials for the Marathon at one point. I still run often. Despite being in okay shape I am content just training. That whole age group scene at the local 5k or even USATF masters level doesnt appeal to me at all.

If you stopped racing, why are you dreading it?

I'm turning 50 this year. I didn't give a sxxt about my age until now. Somehow being half a century old feels different though.

Anyway. 40 is not bad. It's a long way downhill from there. 😂

Having the mindset to dread the thing that is literally least in your control, is a bigger problem than anything age-related that will happen to you.

There are things that get worse with age. Who cares? There are also things that will be better at certain later points in your life than earlier. The amount of extra happiness you can bring yourself in the next 20 years is enormous compared to the amount of happiness you'll automatically lose by aging. You notice you have to stretch a bit more to keep your knees from hurting and lose 10 points, but you take up a new hobby that brings you joy and you gain 100 points.

You'll be fine. Have an amazing forties like so many awesome people do.

Why?
Looking back I liked my last 20 years much better than from 20-40.

I never understood why people make so much fuss about being 30, 40 ....
It's just a number and you fill in your life with the stuff you want to do.

40 isn't a problem. You can still run fast and train hard. 45 is really when the wheels start to come off.

Unless you were never that fast to begin with. I improved from a 1:35 to 1:27 marathon and 3:22 to 3:07 marathon from 44 to 45. Granted it was after 5 years of very minimal running to 40mpw and still 7 minutes of my 1/2 PR and 14 off my marathon PR. I think I can still get really close to those PRs over the next 2 years if I get to 60MPW.

More importantly, you’re typically entering your peak earning years, have some $$ in the bank, retirement is at least mapped out. I don’t care what people think about me like I did when I was younger. I bought my dream car at 42 years old. I take less for granted and try to enjoy each day rather than dread the future.

Going to Japan for the first time this summer with my wife and kids at nice hotels. Kids are now old enough to have almost adult conversations.

Also, you can still be really healthy compared to our out of shape peers. Can still run, hike, golf, play tennis, race cars or even legit racing go-karts and have the means to do a lot of those things. House on the way to being paid off. More responsibility at work that has meaning.

Much better than my late 20s or 30s, except younger women don’t really check me out as often. I’m married anyway, but it’s still nice to know you still got it. Since I can’t act on it, I’ll take all the other positives.

I Do. Act your age.

My 40's were really great. I was able to crank out some really good 10 Milers, 1/2, and Marathons in that decade. So the running was still pretty high quality.

The best thing about your 40s is that you should be comfortable enough in your career and family life that things really slow down and most importantly, in your 40's you become "comfortable with who you are." As new age as that sounds, it really is true. Much better than your crazy 20's, and chasing it 30's, your 40's are really good.

At 50 I agree with Roy, physically the wheels came off. I just can't handle the training it takes to be even "OK". I'm pretty much a fitness runner now. I just have to be glad at 56 I can still get out, enjoy the weather, be around a few other old runners.

I'm 35 and still as thin as a rake. I hope nothing changes if I make it to 40.

I'm 44 and have been struggling with injuries the last 2-3 years. In fact, I've had to switch to a dual bike / run focus because I just have had too many injuries to run exclusively.

My husband is 49, and he has had two (minor) knee surgeries in the last year. He runs around 1500 miles / year, or did before his surgeries.

I'm also not overweight, but I've been seeing my weight creep up, perhaps because I can't run as much or perhaps it's perimenopause.

Overall, though, life is great. Cycling is fun, and while I wish I had my younger body back and could run more, I still look forward to lots of great physical activity for another couple decades.

stay positive, its not all that bad! you'll be wishing you were 40 when youre 60!

For sure! At 68, I don't really remember being 40.

The immense amount of societal pressure is what is burdening me.

I have a great career but had to scrap my way to through the Great Recession. I did a bout of Graduate School before moving from my home state and thriving in a new state.

When the pandemic arrived, it was another huge slap in the face and interruption. I had to endure a share of economic woes like millions of others but, once again, perservered, prevailed and triumphed. I would make the top 25 of my competitive high school graduating class of ~400 if there was ever such a measure. This is actually important to me because the majority of my peers came from privileged upper class homes whereas I came from a household that was not only financially ticking toward the lower middle class but also exhibited dysfunctional tendencies such as being house poor, extremely chaotic on the relational level and what qualifies as physical and psychological abuse.

Soccer and distance running to provided me social mobility into my teen years. I was driven for a reason: to get out of my f-ed up house and be different from my parents. I was an individual state champion in high school which streamlined me into selective school options and then I competed for a perennial top 25 program.

What's missing for me is a relationship. I have not lucked out on this front and refused to "settle". I have an outgoing and fun personality when I want to and am actively social. Again, financially secure and all the other ducks in a row. I am not hideous or obese. I am above average looking (always have been). But I dont have someone I want and the feelings of loneliness have crept in over especially in the past year.

So I came from a broken home, have strained relations with my parents that equates to estrangement minus happy birthday and merry christmas. This can be both a good thing (being able to find a girl with a nice family) and a bad thing (psychological issues pertaining to being deserving of love).

I feel like I am deserving of love but also feel forgotten.

Lately, I have been dating girls mostly in the 29 to 36 range and sometimes older. My attraction comes down to mutual interest and actual bond. I have given up on the casual sex, polyamorous-centric dating apps thing (had one girl offering me to be one of her multiple FWB from Bumble). At this point, the females I meet either end up being an immoral ran through girl with a boatload of issues or someone with kids that conveniently hides it at first. I dont want to be a part of that either. Again, I wont settle.

Where are the females in my same boat? Are there any who were career driven? I look back on many missed opportunities and past relationships that failed. A lot of my meaningful relationship past ended with painfully bad luck.

One girl in particular was closet crazy. She was everyone's girl next door and all-american sweetheart only to be a monster behind closed doors. Our relationship culminated with her hitting, spitting and threatening to jump out of a moving car on the interstate which nearly put me into cardiac arrest.

Another gal canceled birthday dinner plans with me because she, in a rut herself, had forgotten it was my birthday. This was year three of our relationship and what she did really, really hurt me. It made me feel like I dont actually exist in other people's minds and that my feelings dont matter (different from being deserving of love). I have also carried a narrative lately that I care more about others than they care about me which is true (perhaps people pleasing to compensate for deeply rooted inadequacy feelings stemming from my parents).

So yeah, 40 is coming. The holiday stretch from XMAS to Valentine's Day was tough and now that I have gotten through that part -- feeling much better lately -- the 2.5 month stretch to my 40th is on as well as the pressure of being incomplete. I have to stay off of social media as much as possible because of my news feeds from people I met in high school and college. It tends to put me into a cognitive distortion that the scrolling through of weddings, growing family memories and seemingly everyone else's "togetherness" & completeness brings.

Sounds about right.

Neither do either of the Presidential candidates