I'm 38 with 2 kids (2 and 4). Is life just hard right now or is it me?

All people in same situation as you are equally miserable. This is what having kids is in reality.

Yeah man it’s hard. Also have two young kids, little older than yours. You either run early or at lunch. Maybe take a jog with them in the stroller. I think the hard part is 90% of your time is scheduled for you. Morning routine to bed routine, chores, grocery shopping and keeping the kids alive. It gets a little easier as then get older but you stay busy

I'm 36 with 3 kids (9, 7, 4). It's incredibly hard. Has been for basically the last 7 years since the second one arrived. Honestly just kinda running out the clock until death at this point. Not complaining, but it will be a relief when the lights finally go out for good on me.

I am 38 next week. I have 3 kids (5,2,1), demanding job, happy marriage, don't drink or do drugs so pretty much in the same boat as you.

I am exhausted 100% of the time. Beyond running I have zero time to myself. Vacations and weekends are more exhausting than the work week even if I still look forward to them. I love my life but am constantly running on fumes.

I will say that once my oldest hit 5 he became a net contributor to the household. The jump they take when they get to kindergarten is really really significant. All of a sudden I can drop him off at his friends house. He goes out and plays in the back yard by himself. He does the dishes. In short, you are on the precipice of things getting much easier I suspect.

I can promise you that you are definitely not alone--kids are a TON of work, more than anyone will ever tell you.

I was in the same boat as you, great jobs, nothing to really complain about and turning 40 with kids 3 & 5 when COVID first struck in 2020. In addition to those ages being a grind already we had them at home 24/7 so it was a double whammy and shock to our already stressed out world.

It does get easier, although with it comes new challenges (shuffling nonstop to kids activities, social/friends things, etc). Having said that, your overall quality of life will increase--even little things like not traveling with car seats, having kids go to the bathroom themselves, going to a restaurant without taking a bag, kids coming down and making their own bowls of cereal, etc make a world of difference. It's a grind in those early years through 5 but keep grinding is my advice. You only get one chance to be a father and the days are long and the months are short. I'm not sure where the time has gone to be honest. We're in that nice age now before the real teenage problems set in with their own set of real life issues.

Aslo, my advice would be to wake up earlier and get some time for yourself--go for a run when everyone else is sleeping for example. Good luck.

Dealing with toddlers and preschoolers can be difficult. A lot of fun, but it definitely has its difficult moments. Irrational fears and unpredictable meltdowns aren't easy. Elementary and early middle school are mostly easier, although each age has its own challenges. So things will ease up somewhat in a year or two when you get a kid in school.

this is all great feedback, thanks

I'm turning 38 in two months and also expecting my first child in two months....I'm wondering just WTF I've gotten myself into. I'm worried reading this thread. My marriage is good except for my wife hating my parents and we are planning to try for a second kid. Maybe we'll just stick with one child...

Been there. Am still there.

A lot of people blame it on the kids for the lifestyle degrading but I'll tell you this will last only about 16 more years for you. When you're old and need assistance those same kids will be there for you. If you go broke and need help, your kids will be the safety net (not that any of us want to put that burden on our kids).

When you grow old your kids are the ones that help you in many ways. Good luck convincing your also-old friends to help you with anything when their hip just got replaced!

This whole thread hits me hard today. 3 young kids here(one still in diapers), wife and I both work full time with stressful jobs.

Not looking forward to death, but retirement sounds great lately. I have never been this tired in my entire life. Stress levels are at an all time high.

Life is a god d*mn grind 99% of the time. Its an endless cycle of working to provide for your family and spending all your money on your family so they can have a nice life. Fill in whatever free time you have left (typically none) doing chores or driving around. Repeat, day after day after day after day. Its hard to devote any time at all to outside hobbies/yourself. I think we are all basically just trying to keep the ship moving forward at this point, hoping for some relief eventually.

No advice to give, just here to commiserate.

Imagine what it's like for parents 18-25? Kids to school, kids to jr high, kids to high, kids to college and best kids to employment. Each phase gets easier. Work hard on keeping your relationship strong; little nice things, showing warmth, communication. If you work at it, you can get through ups and downs and have a spectacular relationship in the latter stages of your children's lives.

Weird pension plan you got there, buddy.

Gonna be honest, making my life miserable and spending way more money just to have someone to take care of me when I'm older sounds ridiculous. Gonna save my money and pay someone to help me when I'm old.

Yes. It is hard, but it gets better. Then you miss the good ol days. Cherish each minute with them, building a good relationship now leads to a ton of fun with academics, athletics etc when they can finally “feed and water” themselves.

I wouldn't trade my kids in for free time obviously but would definitely recommend you think seriously about what YOU need to be a functional adult.

2 kids is much harder than 1. 3 is much harder than 2. A few things to consider:

1) You begin getting into situations where nobody is asleep at the same time on a given day. The brief moments of relaxation you have are now gone.

2) There was a point last year where we were spending over 10k a month on daycare until our oldest got into kindergarten.

3) Traveling with 1 little kid is tough, traveling with 2 or 3 is almost comically difficult. Imagine walking through an airport with multiple car seats or installing multiple car seats in a cab anytime you want to go anywhere. All of a sudden you need to buy 2 bedroom suites at any hotel you go to if anyone is going to sleep.

4) Going to a restaurant with one kid is limiting. Going to a restaurant with multiple kids is a production. We literally warn the staff before we show up to verify it is acceptable.

5) It is cool watching my kids form relationships with their siblings. That said, my second got way less attention than my first and my third has gotten the least attention of all. I think this is an impossible problem to solve but it's important to acknowledge that the phenomenon of birth order defining personalities is real and that you cede control of the nurture element of parenting with each additional offspring you add.

With kids that age, paying for a babysitter once in a while to maintain your own sanity (and your relationship) is worth it. Take it out of retirement if you have to - you are investing in quality of life.

Toddler to pre-k years are the most exhausting because you have to keep an eye on them almost every minute to make sure they don't eat a stepped on jelly bean they found next to a pile of dog poo in the playground at the park. It is also the age where they will scream/cry at the top of their lungs for 15 minutes straight just because you made them stop playing in the sprinkle outside so they could go to a super fun birthday party at the trampoline park (which when they absolutely loved when finally stopped screaming about the sprinkler). The way I got through it was to try to remember what it was like to be that age and how hard it was to regulate emotions. My parents were generally very patient with me and my siblings, but they could be pretty hard on us at times. That helped me understand that your role as a parent is really just to shepherd your kids through childhood. The tantrums will pass. They will learn to look both ways before crossing the street. You just have to endure the tough stuff and not let it ruin the experience of having kids. And don't get caught up in behavioral problems. My son was a pre-k biter and wrote mean Valentines one year when he was getting bullied in elementary school. We did not freak out and just stayed the course with him. He is now the teachers pet/good kid in middle school which is pretty huge given how awful his classmates can be. And now between school, aftercare and three nights a week of club soccer practices, I hardly see him during the week. There are still fights over video games (he wants to play oculus 24/7), but the hard work is pretty much over and we now have more time to ourselves. The irony is that in a way we miss the toddler pre-k days because there were so many firsts and they are just such pure expressions of themselves without the influence of jerky friends and youtubers/tik toks.

I don't really need a Friday night off, albeit that would be nice. The challenge is at 6am on Saturday those kid are gonna be there in full force, so the anxiety of even going out for drinks is too much.

If I could get them down for bed at 7pm every night, that would be a vacation for me. We have this insane 2 hour bedtime routine right now which might be a major cause of my stress.

Maybe it's the bedtime thing, or astronomical cost of daycare, constant sickness, or the the meltdowns. I have absolutely no idea what would make life easier.

Having a full-time au pair is something we're exploring but not quite able to afford it yet.

I'm 42 and have two kids in high school and one in middle school. Life is great! It gets so much easier and more enjoyable once they're a little bit older.