My ex is engaged. I'm struggling

Why didn't you ask her to marry you before you split?

Our relationship ended on rough terms. Sometimes you end up loving the person you thought they were, not who they really are.

Find a new GF

Your pain will subside over time. It will take time though. She is not likely all that happy either and you really did dodge a bullet there.

I have had several over the past few years

Listen to this song.

either unfollow or mute her on all social media. We're so much more attached to people now because of it, and it stops us from focusing on our own lives and the things that make it good. Remember social media was not a norm, and we weren't enveloped with people from our past this much as we are now. Also, social media only shows the highlight reel.

You and your ex broke up for a reason. Remember what that was and why it's better in the long run.

Take actions that are positive. The "be kind to yourself!" "do something good for you!" thing is way overplayed, but it really does help. go for a run or a bike ride to clear your head, spend time with friends and family to brighten your spirits, listen to good music, meditate, have a beer but don't drown yourself in alcohol.

Set a goal for yourself that you can control and are excited about and map out steps to achieve it. Be it a marathon, triathlon, a career step, writing a book, who knows just do it.

Been there man. Had a girl I really loved through 2019-2020, I’d probably call her my first love. She had a boyfriend a month after we split. that hurt. Has been dating him since. They’ll probably marry. I can ruin my entire day on demand if I choose to think about it.

She hasn’t cared to reach out to me or anything since. She was my best friend. She brought me so much happiness. She was a lot of firsts for me. She was crushing on that dude before we even broke up, and once we did she never looked back. That shiz HURTS man. I get it. I’ve had a lot of hardship/trauma in my life but that somehow manages to stick the most. People will belittle you because it sounds stupid to people that haven’t experienced this kind of pain and resentment.

Its almost 2023 and it still hurts sometimes. But I’ve also been able to find love and trust in others. It hasn’t been as strong or as long lasting but I have hope and confidence that one day I’ll find someone I can love and trust more than her. It’ll come. Until then you’ve just gotta live life, and not let the past stop you from enjoying the present. I hope the best for you man.

I've been there. Found out the girl I dated on and off most of my undergrad years was engaged. I knew she was dating someone else and I had presumably moved on but finding that out was rough. It's supposed to hurt though. That's how you grow stronger. Just be patient and remember life has so much out there good and bad. Butters tells it well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZOM6hOnEBE

Here's a scene from Swingers that always makes me feel a little better when I struggled with this type of stuff: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByPzzT9ScFA

It's all about perspective. Time will heal.

I know the feeling. Just don’t go to her social media profiles. My ex i could have married but the timing wasn’t right for me is now married to someone else with a child. It will only make you feel terrible to visit social media and see what could have been. You’ll meet someone who will take your breath away just like she once did. In the meantime take care of yourself physically and mentally bro.

Thank you guys for the thoughtful insight. It means a lot. I think some people love harder than others, and if you have been through some tough stuff, once that person comes along, you will never forget about them. It helps knowing others out there have overcame the pain. But I don't think I will ever stop having some love in my soul for her. Sounds sappy. But it is true.

I'm sorry for how you feel. It can be very hard. I know. There is help if you really start feeling dark. Please don't make that choice. You can feel better with even quite simple help even from just talking to a friend.

Remember that there are many types of love. Self love, love for family, love of the planet, religion, sports, etc not just romantic. By putting eggs in other baskets, you can help balance yourself better. And it makes this situation easier to cope with.

From what I can garner from your post, there's an interesting correlation. Life feels meaningless, and then about your ex. Those don't necessarily need to be linked, but for you they are. That shows me a few things. 1. I think you should spend some care on your mental and physical health (not an insult, I genuinely care). To hopefully feel better in general.

Give yourself time to grieve. It's ok romantic loss is a lot like a death.

Acknowledge that maybe you weren't the best partner for them or vice versa. It's okay. If it ended there's probably a good reason why. Hopefully as you start getting better you'll be in a better place to be an even better partner to your next one. And maybe that relationship will be even more fulfilling for you :).

Random suggestion. Get some crayons and start drawing. Reflect on what comes out. Can be more informative than you'd expect.

I get how sad you are OP, but once doubts and distance begin to get in the way of your relationship, it’s very difficult for things to go back to the way they once were. The best you can do is accept the reality and move on. If your ex didn’t want to be with you anymore, no matter how you are, little to nothing will change the way she feels.
Or what if you became bored with the relationship years down the line, and it was you who wanted to end. A part of life is that nothing lasts forever, even in the eyes of till death do us part.

Good luck moving on.

There’s a lot of wisdom in this post, 10/10

Even though you want to let go it may be difficult since you have the memories together stuck in your brain. I've been there. But I can assure you that it was a blessing to get rid of her.

Love really is blind and the brain can play tricks to attach you to a person who is not really the best for you. The fact that she moved on so quickly hurt you because you're emotionally attached but it is a huge red flag on her personality and may have in fact saved you a life of pain if you stayed with this person. Of course they can pretend their life is great on social media and claim that but the reality is likely far from that.

I was with a woman a couple years ago who was my best friend then she left me and ghosted me, which hurt immensely because we had built so much together and it's like it all meant nothing to that phony broad. I just had to accept she was the problem instead of dwelling on what I'd lost.

What you can strive towards now is self compassion and self improvement. Forget all about her and vow that losing her will make you a better man. It's a new calendar year within a week--what an ideal time to start your plan.

/r/realgirls

Sorry, but you're getting a ha-ha.

Ha-ha!

In life, balance is so important. We as men can fall into the trap of worshipping women and relationships and making them our God. Then someone goes wrong and we are totally destroyed. We lose our identify because we invested too much in one unstable place.

It took me years to figure out how to prioritize things in a more functional way and not make a woman (or any one thing) my entire life. You gotta build protective factors and have strong social bounds outside of one person. You gotta have healthy coping skills and hobbies and things to look forward to.

You only have to feel this way once, and over time it will pass.

You need to accept that she is moving on and in time you will know this is a good thing because she is setting you free to find who you were actually meant to be with. Trust and believe this.