How do I tell a coworker to stop touching me without sounding like an a--hole?

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3 years ago 08/13/2022 4:01pm EDT

So, I have this coworker who is always touching me, giving me hugs, putting her hands in my hair. It's definitely not in a sexual way as she has a model-looking boyfriend and I'm extremely ugly.

Anyway, the problem with this is I started having erections when she touches me, and I'm afraid of getting fired.

I'm not sure how I should talk to her so she stops touching me. Of course I won't talk about my erections, as this is a certain way to get fired. Should I just pay an actress to show up at my work to pretend to be my girlfriend so she backs off? I would need an ugly actress for it to be believeable.

3 years ago 08/13/2022 4:05pm EDT

re: pls help me

Just say:

"Take your stinking hands off me you damn dirty ape."

3 years ago 08/13/2022 4:09pm EDT

re: coach

coach wrote:
Just say:
"Take your stinking hands off me you damn dirty ape."

That's THE answer. End of thread.

YouTube.com

Take your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape!

TintDude

Take your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape!

Watch on YouTube

3 years ago 08/13/2022 4:16pm EDT

re: pls help me

pls help me wrote:
So, I have this coworker who is always touching me, giving me hugs, putting her hands in my hair. It's definitely not in a sexual way as she has a model-looking boyfriend and I'm extremely ugly.
Anyway, the problem with this is I started having erections when she touches me, and I'm afraid of getting fired.
I'm not sure how I should talk to her so she stops touching me. Of course I won't talk about my erections, as this is a certain way to get fired. Should I just pay an actress to show up at my work to pretend to be my girlfriend so she backs off? I would need an ugly actress for it to be believeable.

Mirror her actions within a couple seconds of her doing it and she’ll get the hint.

3 years ago 08/13/2022 4:20pm EDT

re: ghuh

ghuh wrote:
pls help me wrote:
So, I have this coworker who is always touching me, giving me hugs, putting her hands in my hair. It's definitely not in a sexual way as she has a model-looking boyfriend and I'm extremely ugly.
Anyway, the problem with this is I started having erections when she touches me, and I'm afraid of getting fired.
I'm not sure how I should talk to her so she stops touching me. Of course I won't talk about my erections, as this is a certain way to get fired. Should I just pay an actress to show up at my work to pretend to be my girlfriend so she backs off? I would need an ugly actress for it to be believeable.
Mirror her actions within a couple seconds of her doing it and she’ll get the hint.

not only I'll be fired but I might as well go to jail.

3 years ago 08/13/2022 4:29pm EDT

re: pls help me

3 years ago 08/13/2022 4:32pm EDT

re: No.Vaseline

No.Vaseline wrote:
She wanna smash

she already has a boyfriend, and an extremely attractive one at that.

3 years ago 08/13/2022 4:33pm EDT

re: pls help me

3 years ago 08/13/2022 4:38pm EDT

re: pls help me

pls help me wrote:
No.Vaseline wrote:
She wanna smash
she already has a boyfriend, and an extremely attractive one at that.

You find her BF attractive? Real problem uncovered.

3 years ago 08/13/2022 4:39pm EDT

re: pls help me

Wear a mask. Mention Covid, monkeypox. Problem solved.

3 years ago 08/13/2022 4:41pm EDT

re: pls help me

I fully suspect that the OP is intended as a joke but I can tell you that if it happens to you, it can be really annoying. I know. And I'm a guy, btw.

3 years ago 08/13/2022 4:43pm EDT

re: pls help me

Spank that monkey before work or during if you want to avoid that stiff pole.

3 years ago 08/13/2022 4:43pm EDT

re: WhatwhatITB

WhatwhatITB wrote:
pls help me wrote:
she already has a boyfriend, and an extremely attractive one at that.
You find her BF attractive? Real problem uncovered.

why is that a problem? Can't you tell attractive people from ugly people? Brad Pitt and Jason Alexander are in the same level of looks?

3 years ago 08/13/2022 4:43pm EDT

re: pls help me

Being as ugly as you say you are I would think any erection was a good thing, your problem should be hiding a hard on. That can't be that difficult.

Sounds like for an ugly dude life is good.

3 years ago 08/13/2022 4:46pm EDT

re: unwanted advances are a PITA

unwanted advances are a PITA wrote:
I fully suspect that the OP is intended as a joke but I can tell you that if it happens to you, it can be really annoying. I know. And I'm a guy, btw.

Not a joke. I've missed a reunion because of this. If I moved from my desk people would see my erection and then I'd be fired.

I think this wouldn't happen if I had a normal life but alas.

Her smell is so good too

3 years ago 08/13/2022 4:47pm EDT

re: unwanted advances are a PITA

I am a really good looking guy and worked in a restaurant in college. The only people who rubbed up against me when i was ringing up orders were the gay guys. The young women knew it was not acceptable but the gay guys (3 in particular) just did not care. Nowadays they would be prosecuted for sexual battery. Again no women just the gay guys. Like they have carte blanche on rubbing up against men.

3 years ago 08/13/2022 4:48pm EDT

re: Deno

Deno wrote:
your problem should be hiding a hard on. That can't be that difficult..

How? Next time you have an erection in your pants try to look at yourself in the mirror. You might think you're hiding it, but everyone else will notice.

3 years ago 08/13/2022 5:31pm EDT

re: pls help me

Would guess I;ve had a couple million hard on's in my life have yet to have anyone say a word about it.

Take that back, there was...

I just got out of the shower as the bell rang so I grabbed my robe, I opened the door and there stood my girlfriend, yep, instant hard on, she just smiled and said.....I missed you too.

3 years ago 08/13/2022 5:47pm EDT

re: Deno

I thought you were married? Stepping out on your wife now?

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