What did people do at work before the internet existed?

You're a lot younger than you realize. The internet has been around since the 70s, and every business application that really needed it was already using it by the time it went consumer-friendly.

more time around the water cooler

A lot of walking around with a coffee mug in one hand and a pile of matrix printer paper rescued from a trash can. People always assumed that you were headed to a meeting. My theory is that office workers are fatter now because they don't get any exercise wandering the office, grabbing more coffee, or faking smoke breaks.

It was this and only this and talk about Jerry Seinfeld and maybe Bill Cosby

People used to actually talk to each other more and exchange of opinion was not regarded as threatening.

In law firms at least, men (and it was mostly men) would be in their offices wearing suits and dictating into tiny cassette tape recorders. Then they'd give those tiny cassettes to a (female) secretary who would transcribe whatever the lawyer said into a document, using an old-school typewriter. The lawyer would then edit that document with a red pen, and give it back to the secretary to create a final version. Then the secretary would put that document into the US mail to the client, opposing counsel, or whomever, or a "runner" (not to be confused with a real runner, or even jogger ... although they might be that, or even a cyclist) would hurriedly hand-deliver that document to a courthouse -- usually right before a deadline -- where it would be date-stamped by hand by a court clerk.

This all of course took much more time and was far less efficient than the lawyer just typing a document or email him/herself (note the possibility of a female lawyer now) and doing whatever is necessary with it on his/her own computer.

Smoked.

What office “workers” do now. Absolutely nothing of importance. The real workers don’t go to an office. Office “jobs” are for lazy people whom don’t want to really work.

Only had a couple jobs prior to internet being widely available. For the office job, I would typically get my work done by 10-1030am and then kind of zone out until lunch at 1130am. 2-2.5 hour lunch, return to office, and then find ways to walk around office, chat with younger secretaries, and generally kill time. One of my best tricks was to copy the pages of a novel in the copy room and then read that all afternoon. Made it appear that I was reading deal memos or doing research. Got a lot of good reading done that way.

I imagine flick mags and hold their arms wide for a newspaper. Talk more?

You need a shovel in one hand and a dip tin in the other to do real work.

Reminds me of a runner I knew, he worked for a Space agency of some sorts. He only ran a work so that he had time for his family when he came home. A ran like 12-15 miles at the lunch break and had lunch while working. Those where the times for some.

I had a coworker who read books all the time. She was very reliable for the stuff she needed to do but if she had time she was reading books. Probably around 100 of them just in the office.

This is incorrect.

To be honest, there was a time when people were encouraged to finger their Wang:

Played cards

Hit up the bong, cranked beers and even did coke in the bathroom during breaks.

I was just talking about this- back in the very late 1990's I was teaching summer school.

A student had a medical variance to have unlimited time on a 3 hour state test. It took her 13 hours to complete the test. I couldn't leave until she was finished and I graded it.

While she was writing essays and answering multiple choice questions I read books- about 3 or 4.

I actually had to call home and have books brought to me- yes I was in a school but the library was closed and locked and it wasn't my official school so I didn't have a key.